Reverse Engineering People

Usually when we say the word "empathy" there's an underlying "woo-woo let's talk feelings" undertone. Perhaps you think empathy is a waste of time; or maybe you think it's important, but you don't really understand how to apply the technique professionally.

Empathy is a tool you can use to understand what motivates your team; to spot blockers before they become a problem; and to get a "health check" on the projects you oversee. Sounds useful when you read it from that definition, doesn't it.

This session will be broken into three parts:

Level 1: "Caring just enough." The basic human skills you know about, and use, outside of work. This section is most relevant to team members who want to promote a healthy workplace culture.
Level 2: "Thinking strategies." Using your team’s motivators to help them succeed. This section will be most useful to those who manage people and team leads.
Level 3: "Imagination." Learning to complain from the other person’s perspective. This section will be most useful to those who manage people and team leads.

Even if you still aren't comfortable with the "e" word by the end of this talk, you will have a better grasp on how to apply work-place appropriate, tangible techniques to produce higher functioning, happier teams.

Presented at AtlasCamp, Prague.

Transcript

1. REVERSE ENGINEERING PEOPLE Emma Jane Hogbin Westby
 @emmajanehw
2. Actually, this talk is titled... A primer on how I taught myself to be more empathetic.
3. THIS IS A TOUCHY FEELY WOO WOO TALK. Sorry. Not Sorry. In other words ...
4. Normal people have an incredible lack of empathy. Temple Grandin
6. DEFINE: EMPATHY The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
7. DEFINE: SYMPATHY The feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.
8. PRACTICING EMPATHY Level 1: Care just enough to learn more about a person’s life. Level 2: Use thinking strategies to structure interactions. Level 3: Engage with the world from another’s perspective.
9. LEVEL 1. CARING JUST ENOUGH Difficulty — Beginner
10. Molly Ringwald Compartmentalisation is way overrated.
11. REWARDS & RISKS Improves team cohesion. Requires a time investment. CARING JUST ENOUGH
12. COLLECT STORIES. Learn about people by asking them questions. CARING JUST ENOUGH
13. STFU AND LISTEN. Listen until there is no more story. Respond. CARING JUST ENOUGH
14. REFER BACK. Follow-up on a previous story. CARING JUST ENOUGH
15. LEVEL 2. THINKING STRATEGIES Difficulty — Intermediate
16. The biggest mistake is believing there is only one way to have a connection. Deborah Tannen
17. REWARDS & RISKS Able to engineer successful outcomes. Improves capacity for diverse thinking. Perceived as manipulative. THINKING STRATEGIES
18. UNCOVER MOTIVATORS. THINKING STRATEGIES Unpack why a person behaves the way they do.
19. WWXD?
20. THINKING STRATEGIES Decision-Making validate values-driven experience crux trust your heart conclude Understanding clarify empathise tune-in scan express structure Creativity brainstorm challenge reframe envision flow flash of insight
22. CREATIVE THINKING brainstorm challenge reframe envision flow flash of insight
23. RECOGNISE
 CREATIVE LANGUAGE Can we try ... I know we’re done, but what about ... OMG! I just had this great idea ... Why do you think ... Is this the best we can do ...
24. UNDERSTANDING THINKING clarify empathise tune-in scan express structure
25. RECOGNISE UNDERSTANDING LANGUAGE So what you’re saying is ... Just to clarify ... I think this is related to ... So I made this spreadsheet ... That must feel horrible!
26. DECISION THINKING validate values-driven experience crux gut instinct conclude
27. RECOGNISE DECISION LANGUAGE I’m ready to move on to ... I don’t know why I think this, but ... Last time we tried this ... The real problem is ... My gut tells me ...
28. CREATE OUTCOME- BASED INTERACTIONS. THINKING STRATEGIES Help you help me.
29. CREATE OUTCOME- BASED INTERACTIONS. THINKING STRATEGIES Help me help you.
30. Emma’s
31. LEVEL 3. IMAGINATION Difficulty — Advanced
32. REWARDS & RISKS Truly creative problem solving. Overwhelming for some people. Cause doubt for own value / self-worth. IMAGINATION
33. SEEK TO UNDERSTAND. Complain about yourself from the other’s perspective. IMAGINATION
34. SEEK TO EXPERIENCE. Live your day through the other’s constraints. IMAGINATION
35. Bob Wiele The thinking process should be no more left to chance
 than the deliberate practice of a skill.
36. LEVEL UP. Level 1: Care just enough to learn more about a person’s life. Level 2: Use thinking strategies to structure interactions. Level 3: Engage with the world from another’s perspective.
37. AIM FOR EMPATHY Sympathy: Care just enough to learn more about a person’s life. Understanding: Use thinking strategies to structure interactions. Empathy: Engage with the world from another’s perspective.
38. Maya Angelou I think we all have empathy.
 We may not have enough courage to display it.
39. PRACTICE EMPATHY follow-up:
 @emmajanehw
 emma @ gitforteams.com feedback:
 http://go.atlassian.com/acengineering