CLARITY STABILITY Disruption of shared expectations Ambiguity, Uneasiness Anxiety, Resentment, Blaming, Guilt RESENTFUL TERMINATION RECONCILIATION UNDER DURESS PLANNED RECONCILIATION SHARING DATA CRUNCH PINCH ▪ Clarifying expectations ▪ Commitments ▪ Productivity ▪ Confidence Choice Point Choice Point STATUS QUO Source: J. Sherwood and J. Glidewell, 1973, Pinch-Crunch model STALEMATE
Point Source: J. Sherwood and J. Glidewell, 1973, Pinch-Crunch model ▪ Talk about it ▪ Let it go ▪ Complain to someone ▪ ‘Pinch’ back ▪ Hold on to it ▪ Re-negotiation ▪ Re-commitment to status quo ▪ Lower expectations ▪ Silent ending 6 Most useful Least useful
your partner ▪For 60 seconds, tell your partner about something that happened in the last 24 hours. ▪Listener, do not talk or respond. Be an ACTIVE listener! 10 mins Step 2: What did you learn? ▪Spin your chairs to face away ▪Respond to questions provided by facilitator ▪Partner will confirm or deny if answers are correct
Window, a graphic model for interpersonal relations Behaviors known to self Behaviors not known to self Behaviors known to others Behaviors not known to others Blind Area Hidden to Self Area of Unknown Private Self Hidden to Others Public Self Comfort Zone Self-disclosure Feedback 12
ADJOURNING FORMING STORMING NORMING PERFORMING Source: Bruce Tuckman, 1965, Stages of Group Development With extended projects or when using the same team multiple times, the team life cycle can “rinse and repeat;” this re-forming and its emotional consequences can be anticipated and planned for “One and Done” Teams Cyclical and Long-Term Teams How does communication support team performance?
with wrongness or badness based on who does not act in alignment with your values • Examples: blame, insults, labels, criticism, comparisons, classifications • Character judgments vs. behavior Evaluation • When we combine observation with evaluation, people are apt to hear criticism • Observe without evaluating (active listening) • Sole objectivity vs. separation of observation and evaluation Denial of Responsibility • Language can obscure personal responsibility • Examples: “Shoulds” and “shouldnts,” “Have tos” Life-alienating communication
Was the Impact? What Can Be Improved? ▪ Describe specific, observed behaviours and associated impacts – From direct observation, not heard from someone else (i.e. credible) – Descriptive, not evaluative (i.e. do not judge or draw conclusions) – Specific rather than general ▪ Focus on behaviours that can be changed ▪ Provide feedback in a timely manner – Events should be clear in both parties’ minds 17
Going over the net often causes people to feel labeled, blamed, and/or defensive. Conflicts, often unwittingly, arise quickly When we interact, there are three realities or “areas of expertise” 18 1 2 3 KNOWN to ME ▪ Thoughts ▪ Feelings ▪ Wants ▪ motivations KNOWN to BOTH ▪ Observable KNOWN to YOU ▪ Thoughts ▪ Feelings ▪ Wants ▪ motivations
to mean……….(speakers subjective experience) Which makes me feel………….(a feeling) Was that your intention? - dialogue- I request………..(an action or behavior change) 19 Observations • Facts, distinct from meaning and significance Feelings • Emotions and sensations, free from thought and story Needs • Needs, distinct from strategies for meeting those needs Requests • Request for a specific action, free of demand
I Factor Description Comments Suggested Steps in How to Achieve Credibility (C) Words = credentials + actions Most commonly achieved; involves technical expertise + presence ▪ Avoid exaggeration ▪ When you don’t know something, say so ▪ Do your homework Reliability (R) Actions = promises kept On a rational side, repeated experience of you doing what you say; on an emotional side, related to doing things the way others are accustomed to ▪ Make specific commitments on small things first and deliver on them ▪ Send meeting materials in advance Intimacy (I) Emotions = comfort discussing more than just surface issues Does not necessarily mean that private lives get shared; can involve sharing feelings in present tense ▪ Be genuine when sharing your thoughts, reactions, feelings, etc. ▪ Avoid the telling others what you think they want to hear Self- Orientation (S) Motives = knowing that someone shares your interests Acting in your own best interests at the expense of others will lessen willingness to work with you ▪ Focus on finding mutually beneficial solutions, not pushing your own agenda ▪ Make others’ success your own business; a good partner is a long-term advocate S The trust equation
asset-based approach, rather than deficiency orientation ▪Looks for bright spots, asking, “what is working well?” rather than “what is broken?” ▪Analysis of the successes and how to expand upon it ▪Founded on research indications that focus on dysfunction can actually increase those behaviors and clinical trial results of Operant Conditioning ▪Summary: what we focus our attention on increases When do you think this type of approach might be most useful? 25
goals-and their impact on others Self- Awareness ••Controlling or redirecting disruptive emotions and impulses Self- Regulation ••Reasons for people’s actions, desires, and needs Motivation ••Considering others’ feelings, especially when making decisions Empathy ••Managing relationships to move people in desired directions Social Skills
▪ Write your name in large letters on the provided 3x5 card ▪ Pass the index cards around the room so that every person has a chance to write one word on each person’s index card ▪ Examples of words: ▪ Warm ▪ Caring ▪ Intelligent ▪ Frustrated ▪ Bored ▪ Happy 28
Point Source: J. Sherwood and J. Glidewell, 1973, Pinch-Crunch model ▪ Talk about it – discussing our pinches is a great opportunity to learn about ourselves and others. These conversations clarify expectations and lead to trust ▪ Let it go – this is a great option if you can genuinely give the person the benefit of the doubt and assume it was not intentional ▪ Complain to someone - we often take this approach to vent our frustration and confirm that we have a valid reason for being upset. The challenge is that we don’t seek resolution with the person involved and the behavior may repeat ▪ ‘Pinch’ back – without resolution, our behavior typically changes around the person. We may become quiet, hostile, less responsive or passive aggressive, sometimes without realizing ▪ Hold on to it – not resolving our pinches leads to feelings of resentment and/or victimization – making us more prone to stress and disease ▪ Re-negotiation– difficult and honest conversations can lead to clarified assumptions, expectations and renewed commitment. These conversations have the potential to shift the status quo to find new, increasingly productive and satisfying ways to work together ▪ Re-commitment / Premature reconciliation– in the “kiss and make- up” approach, reconciliation is achieved on the hope that things will smooth over and stability will resume. It is a return to status quo, however given the conflict is fundamentally unresolved, it is likely to remerge under times of stress ▪ Lower expectations- people sometimes attempt to avoid conflict by “keeping their head low” and lowering their expectations for satisfying working relationships. This approach often leads to apathy, cynicism and superficial interactions ▪ Silent ending – this is where one or both parties decide to terminate the relationship without any further discussion. This results in people never wanting to see or speak with someone again. Abandonment, or being shunned.