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Effective Communication Learning Lab

E37807353c2df74f78a25a267f17dccc?s=47 Keen
November 17, 2015

Effective Communication Learning Lab

Lisa Nielsen and Jen Akullian from Keen IO teach us about effective communication.

E37807353c2df74f78a25a267f17dccc?s=128

Keen

November 17, 2015
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Transcript

  1. Effective Communication A Learning Lab from Keen IO

  2. Agenda • Welcome & Expectation Alignment • Introductions • Direct

    Communication • Exercise: active listening • Building relationships • Exercise: what does bad look like? • Break • Feedback formulas • Exercise: practice! • Alternative models • Take home reflection exercise • Closing exercise & survey 2:00 – 2:05 2:05 – 2:20 2:20 – 2:45 2:45 – 2:55 2:55 – 3:05 3:05 – 3:10 3:10 – 3:25 3:25 – 3:45 3:45 – 4:25 4:25 – 4:35 4:35 – 4:45 4:45 – 5:00 Time Activity
  3. What are you hoping to get out of today?

  4. Why is direct communication important?

  5. Relationships rarely proceed as expected – stability requires renegotiation ROLE

    CLARITY STABILITY Disruption of shared expectations Ambiguity, Uneasiness Anxiety, Resentment, Blaming, Guilt RESENTFUL TERMINATION RECONCILIATION UNDER DURESS PLANNED RECONCILIATION SHARING DATA CRUNCH PINCH ▪ Clarifying expectations ▪ Commitments ▪ Productivity ▪ Confidence Choice Point Choice Point STATUS QUO Source: J. Sherwood and J. Glidewell, 1973, Pinch-Crunch model STALEMATE
  6. Pinch and Crunch management options CRUNCH Choice Point PINCH Choice

    Point Source: J. Sherwood and J. Glidewell, 1973, Pinch-Crunch model ▪ Talk about it ▪ Let it go ▪ Complain to someone ▪ ‘Pinch’ back ▪ Hold on to it ▪ Re-negotiation ▪ Re-commitment to status quo ▪ Lower expectations ▪ Silent ending 6 Most useful Least useful
  7. AUTHENTIC SELF PROTECTED SELF • Public Image • Facades •

    Roles/Titles • Armor • Persona • Self-protection Values • Judgements • Biases • Stereotypes • Attributions • Projections • REACTION/ RESPONSE TO THE MASK PERCEPTUAL FITLER PROTECTIVE MASK Communication is hard! Source: Judith Noel, 2004, Masks and Filters model 7
  8. Active Listening Intention • Avoid shifting attention back to you

    Attention • Distraction- free • Eye contact, body position • Focus!Rete ntion • Observation • Free of judgment • Free of inferences • Nonverbal communicati on Inquiry • Questioning • Validating assumptions • Clarification Feedback • Rephrasing • Reflecting • Summarizing • Empathy Active Listener
  9. Agenda • Welcome & Expectation Alignment • Introductions • Direct

    Communication • Exercise: active listening • Building relationships • Exercise: what does bad look like? • Break • Feedback formulas • Exercise: practice! • Alternative models • Take home reflection exercise • Closing exercise & survey 2:00 – 2:05 2:05 – 2:20 2:20 – 2:45 2:45 – 2:55 2:55 – 3:05 3:05 – 3:10 3:10 – 3:25 3:25 – 3:45 3:45 – 4:25 4:25 – 4:35 4:35 – 4:45 4:45 – 5:00 Time Activity
  10. Practice exercise Step 1: Active Listening Directions ▪Pair up! ▪Face

    your partner ▪For 60 seconds, tell your partner about something that happened in the last 24 hours. ▪Listener, do not talk or respond. Be an ACTIVE listener! 10 mins Step 2: What did you learn? ▪Spin your chairs to face away ▪Respond to questions provided by facilitator ▪Partner will confirm or deny if answers are correct
  11. Agenda • Welcome & Expectation Alignment • Introductions • Direct

    Communication • Exercise: active listening • Building relationships • Exercise: what does bad look like? • Break • Feedback formulas • Exercise: practice! • Alternative models • Take home reflection exercise • Closing exercise & survey 2:00 – 2:05 2:05 – 2:20 2:20 – 2:45 2:45 – 2:55 2:55 – 3:05 3:05 – 3:10 3:10 – 3:25 3:25 – 3:45 3:45 – 4:25 4:25 – 4:35 4:35 – 4:45 4:45 – 5:00 Time Activity
  12. Johari window Source: Joseph Luft, Harry Ingham (1955) The Johari

    Window, a graphic model for interpersonal relations Behaviors known to self Behaviors not known to self Behaviors known to others Behaviors not known to others Blind Area Hidden to Self Area of Unknown Private Self Hidden to Others Public Self Comfort Zone Self-disclosure Feedback 12
  13. How can feedback support team performance? FORMING STORMING NORMING PERFORMING

    ADJOURNING FORMING STORMING NORMING PERFORMING Source: Bruce Tuckman, 1965, Stages of Group Development With extended projects or when using the same team multiple times, the team life cycle can “rinse and repeat;” this re-forming and its emotional consequences can be anticipated and planned for “One and Done” Teams Cyclical and Long-Term Teams How does communication support team performance?
  14. What does bad feedback look like?

  15. Agenda • Welcome & Expectation Alignment • Introductions • Direct

    Communication • Exercise: active listening • Building relationships • Exercise: what does bad look like? • Break • Feedback formulas • Exercise: practice! • Alternative models • Take home reflection exercise • Closing exercise & survey 2:00 – 2:05 2:05 – 2:20 2:20 – 2:45 2:45 – 2:55 2:55 – 3:05 3:05 – 3:10 3:10 – 3:25 3:25 – 3:45 3:45 – 4:25 4:25 – 4:35 4:35 – 4:45 4:45 – 5:00 Time Activity
  16. Non-violent communication – habits to avoid 16 Judgment • Preoccupation

    with wrongness or badness based on who does not act in alignment with your values • Examples: blame, insults, labels, criticism, comparisons, classifications • Character judgments vs. behavior Evaluation • When we combine observation with evaluation, people are apt to hear criticism • Observe without evaluating (active listening) • Sole objectivity vs. separation of observation and evaluation Denial of Responsibility • Language can obscure personal responsibility • Examples: “Shoulds” and “shouldnts,” “Have tos” Life-alienating communication
  17. Distinguish between observation and evaluation What Have I Seen? What

    Was the Impact? What Can Be Improved? ▪ Describe specific, observed behaviours and associated impacts – From direct observation, not heard from someone else (i.e. credible) – Descriptive, not evaluative (i.e. do not judge or draw conclusions) – Specific rather than general ▪ Focus on behaviours that can be changed ▪ Provide feedback in a timely manner – Events should be clear in both parties’ minds 17
  18. Staying on your side of the net / I statements

    Going over the net often causes people to feel labeled, blamed, and/or defensive. Conflicts, often unwittingly, arise quickly When we interact, there are three realities or “areas of expertise” 18 1 2 3 KNOWN to ME ▪ Thoughts ▪ Feelings ▪ Wants ▪ motivations KNOWN to BOTH ▪ Observable KNOWN to YOU ▪ Thoughts ▪ Feelings ▪ Wants ▪ motivations
  19. Feedback formulas When you ………….. (observable behavior) I interpret it

    to mean……….(speakers subjective experience) Which makes me feel………….(a feeling) Was that your intention? - dialogue- I request………..(an action or behavior change) 19 Observations • Facts, distinct from meaning and significance Feelings • Emotions and sensations, free from thought and story Needs • Needs, distinct from strategies for meeting those needs Requests • Request for a specific action, free of demand
  20. PRACTICE!

  21. Practice exercises Exercise 1 Objective / Directions: ▪ In two

    lines, individuals will provide feedback to one another via “speed dating” using the feedback principles of something that is observable not inferred 10 mins
  22. Practice exercises Exercise 1 Objective / Directions: ▪ Break into

    groups of 3 (two participants and one observer ▪ Work through scenarios provided by instructors 30 mins
  23. Agenda • Welcome & Expectation Alignment • Introductions • Direct

    Communication • Exercise: active listening • Building relationships • Exercise: what does bad look like? • Break • Feedback formulas • Exercise: practice! • Alternative models • Take home reflection exercise • Closing exercise & survey 2:00 – 2:05 2:05 – 2:20 2:20 – 2:45 2:45 – 2:55 2:55 – 3:05 3:05 – 3:10 3:10 – 3:25 3:25 – 3:45 3:45 – 4:25 4:25 – 4:35 4:35 – 4:45 4:45 – 5:00 Time Activity
  24. Sources: http://www.collieassociates.com/common/Trust_Equation.pdf, accessed 10.05.2011 Trust = C + R +

    I Factor Description Comments Suggested Steps in How to Achieve Credibility (C) Words = credentials + actions Most commonly achieved; involves technical expertise + presence ▪ Avoid exaggeration ▪ When you don’t know something, say so ▪ Do your homework Reliability (R) Actions = promises kept On a rational side, repeated experience of you doing what you say; on an emotional side, related to doing things the way others are accustomed to ▪ Make specific commitments on small things first and deliver on them ▪ Send meeting materials in advance Intimacy (I) Emotions = comfort discussing more than just surface issues Does not necessarily mean that private lives get shared; can involve sharing feelings in present tense ▪ Be genuine when sharing your thoughts, reactions, feelings, etc. ▪ Avoid the telling others what you think they want to hear Self-
 Orientation (S) Motives = knowing that someone shares your interests Acting in your own best interests at the expense of others will lessen willingness to work with you ▪ Focus on finding mutually beneficial solutions, not pushing your own agenda ▪ Make others’ success your own business; a good partner is a long-term advocate S The trust equation
  25. An alternative perspective on feedback Principles of Appreciative Inquiry: ▪An

    asset-based approach, rather than deficiency orientation ▪Looks for bright spots, asking, “what is working well?” rather than “what is broken?” ▪Analysis of the successes and how to expand upon it ▪Founded on research indications that focus on dysfunction can actually increase those behaviors and clinical trial results of Operant Conditioning ▪Summary: what we focus our attention on increases When do you think this type of approach might be most useful? 25
  26. EI Components ••Recognizing one’s emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values and

    goals-and their impact on others Self- Awareness ••Controlling or redirecting disruptive emotions and impulses Self- Regulation ••Reasons for people’s actions, desires, and needs Motivation ••Considering others’ feelings, especially when making decisions Empathy ••Managing relationships to move people in desired directions Social Skills
  27. Agenda • Welcome & Expectation Alignment • Introductions • Direct

    Communication • Exercise: active listening • Building relationships • Exercise: what does bad look like? • Break • Feedback formulas • Exercise: practice! • Alternative models • Take home reflection exercise • Closing exercise 2:00 – 2:05 2:05 – 2:20 2:20 – 2:45 2:45 – 2:55 2:55 – 3:05 3:05 – 3:10 3:10 – 3:25 3:25 – 3:45 3:45 – 4:25 4:25 – 4:35 4:35 – 4:45 4:45 – 5:00 Time Activity
  28. Closing exercise – perceptions of others Closing Exercise / Directions:

    ▪ Write your name in large letters on the provided 3x5 card ▪ Pass the index cards around the room so that every person has a chance to write one word on each person’s index card ▪ Examples of words: ▪ Warm ▪ Caring ▪ Intelligent ▪ Frustrated ▪ Bored ▪ Happy 28
  29. Sally forth* and speak! *To leave a safe place in

    a brave or confident way to do something difficult
  30. Pinch and Crunch management options CRUNCH Choice Point PINCH Choice

    Point Source: J. Sherwood and J. Glidewell, 1973, Pinch-Crunch model ▪ Talk about it – discussing our pinches is a great opportunity to learn about ourselves and others. These conversations clarify expectations and lead to trust ▪ Let it go – this is a great option if you can genuinely give the person the benefit of the doubt and assume it was not intentional ▪ Complain to someone - we often take this approach to vent our frustration and confirm that we have a valid reason for being upset. The challenge is that we don’t seek resolution with the person involved and the behavior may repeat ▪ ‘Pinch’ back – without resolution, our behavior typically changes around the person. We may become quiet, hostile, less responsive or passive aggressive, sometimes without realizing ▪ Hold on to it – not resolving our pinches leads to feelings of resentment and/or victimization – making us more prone to stress and disease ▪ Re-negotiation– difficult and honest conversations can lead to clarified assumptions, expectations and renewed commitment. These conversations have the potential to shift the status quo to find new, increasingly productive and satisfying ways to work together ▪ Re-commitment / Premature reconciliation– in the “kiss and make- up” approach, reconciliation is achieved on the hope that things will smooth over and stability will resume. It is a return to status quo, however given the conflict is fundamentally unresolved, it is likely to remerge under times of stress ▪ Lower expectations- people sometimes attempt to avoid conflict by “keeping their head low” and lowering their expectations for satisfying working relationships. This approach often leads to apathy, cynicism and superficial interactions ▪ Silent ending – this is where one or both parties decide to terminate the relationship without any further discussion. This results in people never wanting to see or speak with someone again. Abandonment, or being shunned.
  31. @keen_io https://keen.io https://keen.io/blog Lisa Nielsen VP People, Keen IO @redesignod

    lisa@keen.io Jen Akullian People Developer, Keen IO @jennykullian jen@keen.io THANK YOU!