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Introduction to nonviolent communication

Introduction to nonviolent communication

This talk is an introduction to nonviolent communication. NVC is a process for communication that helps focus on empathy for self and for others by authentic self-expression. I'll give a somewhat theoretical overview of the process with a focus on communication in the workplace.

Gavin van Lelyveld

October 02, 2014
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  1. Self empathy Self empathy Empathy for others Empathy for others

    Honest self-expression Honest self-expression A communication process
  2. Our actions are Our actions are needs seeking to needs

    seeking to be met be met Underlying this
  3. 1. Introduction 2. The Components of NVC 3. FAQ 4.

    Empathy towards others 5. Empathy towards self
  4. Observation of Facts Identification of Needs Request for Action Expression

    of Feelings When ___ happened I felt ____ Because I need ___ Could you please ___ ?
  5. Observation of Facts Identification of Needs Request for Action Expression

    of Feelings When you arrived late I felt frustrated Because I need cooperation Could you please arrive on time next week ?
  6. Observation of Facts …but saying “you only started on it

    the day it was due” might elicit agreement.
  7. Observation of Facts The hearer is Less likely to jump

    to respond and may be open to hearing Our needs & feelings By removing evaluation
  8. Observation of Facts We needn't be totally objective As long

    as we separate our observations and our evaluations.
  9. Observation of Facts A few examples Evaluation mixed in Observation

    separated She's not going to finish the task on time. I don't think she'll finish on time. He is lazy. Both times I walked by today he was not working. You are always busy. You didn't have available time to meet with me this week.
  10. Observation of Facts Identification of Needs Request for Action Expression

    of Feelings When ___ happened I felt ____ Because I need ___ Could you please ___ ?
  11. Expression of Feelings Expressing our feelings in a non-interpretive way

    means we take responsibility for our experiences.
  12. Expression of Feelings Others will be less likely to hear

    criticism, and will be more open to our needs.
  13. When our needs are satisfied Compassionate Sympathetic Empowered Proud Secure

    Grateful Appreciative Touched Calm Content Relieved Satisfied Hopeful Expectant Optimistic Excited Amazed Invigorated Absorbed Alert Fascinated Intrigued Exhilarated Elated Thrilled Refreshed Renewed (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication - https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory
  14. When our needs are not satisfied Apprehensive Dread Wary Worried

    Confused Ambivalent Perplexed Torn Annoyed Dismayed Disgruntled Irritated Angry Furious Irate Resentful Contempt Disgust Hate Repulsed Bored Indifferent Distracted Agitated Alarmed Troubled Tense Anxious Nervous Stressed Out Insecure Envious Jealous (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication - https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory
  15. Observation of Facts Identification of Needs Request for Action Expression

    of Feelings When ___ happened I felt ____ Because I need ___ Could you please ___ ?
  16. Identification of Needs By connecting with our needs we become

    more aware that human beings share similar needs.
  17. Identification of Needs The key to identifying needs is to

    focus on words describing shared experience…
  18. Identification of Needs For example: “I want to be involved

    in that meeting” Expresses a strategy. While the underlying need might be for cooperation, inclusion or ???
  19. Identification of Needs Feelings arise from our met or unmet

    needs, but are not caused by the trigger.
  20. Identification of Needs needs intensity personal development Physiological needs Safety

    needs Love / belonging Esteem Self-actualization Dynamic hierarchy of needs of Abraham Maslow referring to Krech, D./Crutchfield, R. S./Ballachey, E. L. (1962), Individual in society, Tokyo etc. 1962, S. 77 Dynamic hierarchy of needs by Philipp Guttmann is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0
  21. A needs inventory Acceptance Appreciation Cooperation Consideration Compassion Inclusion Respect

    Support Safety Security Stability To understand To be understood Trust Authenticity Integrity Humour Community Equality Harmony Inspiration Order Autonomy Choice Freedom Independence Space Spontaneity Shelter Touch Food Air (c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication - https://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory
  22. Observation of Facts Identification of Needs Request for Action Expression

    of Feelings When ___ happened I felt ____ Because I need ___ Could you please ___ ?
  23. Request for Action It is our connection with others that

    determines the quality of their response.
  24. Request for Action Often we will make a number of

    “connection requests” before moving to a “solution request.”
  25. Request for Action …we might have to first ask: “How

    do you feel about coming in earlier?”
  26. Request for Action Others will know whether we are making

    a demand or a request by our response to “no”.
  27. Observation of Facts Identification of Needs Request for Action Expression

    of Feelings When ___ happened I felt ____ Because I need ___ Could you please ___ ?
  28. 1. Introduction 2. The Components of NVC 3. FAQ 4.

    Empathy towards others 5. Empathy towards self
  29. I’m sure! Sometimes I’m overwhelmed and need help and understanding

    I’ve seen you behave rather non-non-violently
  30. 1. Introduction 2. The Components of NVC 3. FAQ 4.

    Empathy towards others 5. Empathy towards self
  31. Empathy towards Others So far we have focussed on our

    own observations, feelings, needs & requests…
  32. Observation of Facts Identification of Needs Request for Action Expression

    of Feelings When you ___ Are you feeling ____ Because you need ___ And would like ___ ?
  33. Empathy towards Others Needs and feelings may shift as they

    are addressed, revealing further underlying needs.
  34. 1. Introduction 2. The Components of NVC 3. FAQ 4.

    Empathy towards others 5. Empathy towards self
  35. Observation of Facts Identification of Needs Request for Action Expression

    of Feelings When ___ happened I felt ____ Because I need ___ Could you please ___ ?
  36. You haven’t been sleeping nearly enough lately. I’m exhausted and

    a little worried about your mental health. I need sleep to live and I don’t want you to be grumpy at work. Could you try to do less stuff for a bit? A personal example
  37. I can’t promise that I can do that, but I

    will make a list of the stuff I am doing and prioritise it and we can see if anything can be put on hold. A personal example
  38. Empathy towards Self You may be reluctant to be present,

    to be attuned to ourselves and others with empathy.
  39. Empathy towards Self Self-empathy can help resolve our inner conflict

    and leave us free to hear the needs of others.