It's All Broken!

Splash screen. 16-bit music announces a new AAA title.
Quickly but steadily you navigate through a character creation screen. This is on! START
Text slowly appears on the screen:
Hello Joe, welcome to NextGenCo where we shape the reality of tomorrow. Here's your new greenfield project.
Welcome to the game of life where everything is broken. Let's do this right this time.
The distributed software we will build in this project will solve the world's problems.
It will be perfect. You will be presented with real life choices and be forced to live with those. Are you ready?
Yes.
Game Over.
Start again.
As developers we tend to believe to be pragmatic. We make so many good choices and still somehow fail.
However we seem to have rediscovered functional programming. Actor model. Erlang VM. We're on the right track.
But it's turtles all the way down. Is your environment ready for that? Are the choices really pragmatic?
Do those shiny tools answer the exact issues you're facing?
The idea of the talk is to start slowly and gradually decide upon where we go next with the tools of trade.
But here's a hint: Nix.
16 bit music.

Transcript

1. 今⽇日は スベタ !! ! [ HELLO FRIENDS ]
2. 何?! (ɾ_ɾʌ [ WAT ]
3. 20 1 0SOLID
4. 20 1 0SOLID 20 1 4ZEN OF REFACTORING
5. 20 1 0SOLID 20 1 4ZEN OF REFACTORING 20 1 5FORGETTING JAVA
6. 20 1 0SOLID 20 1 4ZEN OF REFACTORING 20 1 5FORGETTING JAVA 20 1 6DERAIL IT!
7. 20 1 0SOLID 20 1 4ZEN OF REFACTORING 20 1 5FORGETTING JAVA 20 1 6DERAIL IT! 20 1 7
8. 今⽇日は スベタ !! !
11. 2020 ⼤大成功 [ GREAT SUCCESS ] (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و
12. IT’S ALL BROKEN ! ! !
13. ALSO: THERE IS STUFF STUFF BREAKS BARE WITH ME
14. PIOTR DEV MAKER オタク
15. SCHEME HASKELL JAVA SCALA HASKELL PURESCRIPT
16. SCHEME HASKELL JAVA SCALA HASKELL PURESCRIPT ヘ（。□°）ヘ
18. SECURE FAST SCALABLE DISTRIBUTED
19. SECURE FAST SCALABLE DISTRIBUTED
20. FァッK HIS LIFE
22. 主⼈人 スレーブ
23. 主⼈人 スレーブ DROP DATBASE;
24. DELAY 主⼈人 スレーブ
25. 主⼈人 スレーブ
26. SIMPLE AS FァッK
27. AWS CLOUD FORMATION COREOS DOCKER KUBERNETES HELM ANSIBLE
29. LANG MANAGER SYSTEM DEPLOYER CI
30. f(x) [ DETERMINISM DECLARATIVE ATOMIC ROLLBACKS NO VIRTUALISATION ]
31. STATE 悪(╬⓪益⓪)
32. >_ [ REPL SCRIPT ]
33. >_ [ PACKAGE ]
34. f(x) [ REF TRANSPARENCY NO MUTABLE STATE CONTROLLED EFFECTS TESTING ]
35. 0.1s
36. 主⼈人 スレーブ
37. !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑
38. 主⼈人 スレーブ
39. >_ [ REPL SCRIPT ]
40. 主⼈人 スレーブ
41. 主⼈人 スレーブ
42. 主⼈人 スレーブ
43. 主⼈人 スレーブ
44. 主⼈人 スレーブ
45. 主⼈人 スレーブ
46. 主⼈人 スレーブ
47. 主⼈人 スレーブ
48. 主⼈人 スレーブ
49. 主⼈人 スレーブ
50. DRIFT
51. DRIFT NTP?
52. 主⼈人 スレーブ
53. DEVELOPMENT DEPLOYMENT DEPENDENCIES SCHEDULED JOBS NETWORK TIME HEALTH SECURITY QUEUE ENVIRONMENT PROTOCOLS RINGS
54. SUBSTITUTION COPY NOT BUILD SANDBOXES ISOLATED
55. ありがとうございます スベタ !! ! (#^.^#)