New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant

How To Not Fall Asleep At Your Professional Wheel. Therapists, Coaches and Consultants Lose Their Edge When They Become Robotic In What They Do With Clients.
Here Is A Way To Stay Sharp.

Transcript

1. HOW TO NOT FALL ASLEEP AT YOUR PROFESSIONAL WHEEL Therapists, Coaches and Consultants Lose Their Edge When They Become Robotic In What They Do With Clients. Here Is A Way To Stay Sharp. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
2. The Habitual Way of Thinking and Doing Therapy – Coaching - Consultation “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
3. Begin With A Look At How Habits Work • Do they manage you or do you manage your habits? • Habits will be formed, no matter what. You don’t have a choice about that. • The option we do have is to choose what habits to build. • Need to have a habitual way of monitoring and managing habits. • A habit about handling habits prevents us from become mindless in our work. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
4. Charles Duhigg* – Science of Habit - - How They Are Formed and Then Function Routine Habit Response Reward or Payoff Cue or Trigger(s) from *“Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business” Habit Requires No Or Little Thought. Round and Round We Go “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
5. Response Beliefs (B) Meaning Reward or Consequences (C) Needs Met Stimulus Event (A) Science of Habit Based on Work of Skinner/Ellis and CBT* Therapy *Cognitive Behavioral Therapy “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
6. Duhigg On Habits • Duke study: up to 45% of decision making is by habit, not conscious choice. • When customers go through major life events, habits become flexible, predictable gold mines for retailers. • Cues/triggers can be: location, time, emotional state, other people or an immediately preceding action. • Words, non-verbal gestures, symbols, contexts and other emotional triggers can also set behavior patterns in motion, like falling “dominos.” “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2018 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
7. Effective and Responsive Coaching- Counseling Is At the Point Of Beliefs Duhigg Approach Mindful Approach Routine Reward Cue Response Beliefs Meaning (B) Reward Consequences Needs Met (C) Stimulus Event (A) “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
8. One Size Does Not Fit All • Therapist develops the habit of not responding to client out of habit. • The habit of mindful and thoughtful pro-action (as opposed to re-action) to each client and their situation. • The Key Important belief of Coach/Counselor: Consider each client’s emotional and systemic context, which is never the same as other clients’, keeps you alert and in the moment. No two are the same, thus can’t be taken for granted. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
9. o Traditional therapy and psychotherapy uses the medical model to develop and train therapists. o This is the “causal” way of thinking and believing how to do coaching/counseling. o The thinking goes like this: identify and label the symptoms, then treat the “causes” to make things better for the patient. o Using this picture as a metaphor, we determine the immediate presenting problem and habitually design therapy around what is in front of the therapist. o As a metaphor, this picture could suggest the problem is that the father is catching all the fish. The son is unhappy because he is catching none. o So we treat the son’s complaint and try to fix things without much thought to additional considerations. Traditional Coaching Looks Only At The Symptoms of a Client and Designs Therapy/Treatment Modality Around The Person And Their Troubles “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
10. Added Perspective If Therapist Thinks Systemically o A different set of beliefs trains the systemic observer/counselor to habitually take the larger perspective or context into account when designing treatment or therapy. o Perhaps, if we take that approach we might ask the boy if in addition to not catching fish, is there something else bothering him? Are there other reasons he may be worried, anxious or unhappy? o He might say, judging from what the picture suggests, he is worried his father is so focused on fishing that he does not see the boat drifting to demise. And the boy may not know what to do because his father ignores his warnings and concerns and tells him to stop whining.. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
11. Carrying This Approach A Little Further, We Can See How It Is Applied o Looking at this father/son fishing expedition from this larger perspective, the therapist may want and need more information before going to work to fix things. Questions may arise such as: 1. Does the father see the larger danger? 2. Why does he not listen to his son or take a look himself at the proximity of the falls? o The dad may say, yes, he does see the danger, but his son is always whining and he needs to learn to be a man and catch fish in the face of danger. 1. Was this how his dad raised him? 2. What does the mother of the son say about all this? o We gather more info and perhaps discover that this is a step-son. The father really doesn’t want to be fishing. He’s only doing so to get the mother, his wife, off his back. o With all this additional info and perspective, the therapist may no longer see getting the boy happy as the only goal of treatment. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant”© Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
12. What Makes This Such A Strategic Approach o The Habitually Systemic Counselor or Coach gets information about the stated complaint or concern(s) from other people related to the Presenting Issue/Problem, not only the client. o Also, other contextual issues are looked at, such as health and financial issues, patterns in the inter-generational family and acute co- existing crisis's in other, related family members’ lives. o All human behavior exists in a context and that context has influences on the so called “Problem.” In this case, an unhappy boy. o To keep the problem, once fixed from reoccurring or getting worse, these other influences are considered and taken into account before a therapeutic intervention is conceived, let alone implemented. o Seen from this systemic perspective, looking at the father/boy fishing trip, the therapist may also want to ask about the father’s eye vision, is he depressed/suicidal or what is going on in the father-mother step- son emotional triangle? o Sure, we want a happy boy, but we want that to last and avert even bigger calamities. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
13. Definition of Human System As An Emotional Context • “Any organized human collection of parts and processes that mutually and reciprocally interact such that a change in one part or process affects change in all the others.” • To fully understand any given behavior, it has to be understood from within the social and emotional context that it maintains and which maintains it. • Us the “Black Box” Mentality: Ask How and What has happened, not Why it happened. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2019 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
14. The “How” Approach, As It Were… • “How” did it happen that father and step-son are in the situation our picture has them in, i.e. ignoring their looming, larger disaster and instead worried about catching fish and making the boy happy? • We can’t really know and understand the “Why” of this situation, but we can identify some of the important Contributing Factors, including contextual factors. • Those contributing factors need to be identified and kept in mind when doing the coaching/counseling for this situation. • Otherwise, if those factors which helped to bring this situation about in the first place are not addressed and consciously considered, they will likely bring a repeat version of this situation into existence again. • One way to visualize this is to use the Satire Iceberg Model. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2018 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
15. More “How” Questions… o The Satire Iceberg Model is a good starting point for answering some “How” questions. o A more complete “how” understanding looks even deeper into how a person in the situation has come to feel and believe the way they do. o This then delves into the experiences and systemic influences each actor/person has been impacted by. (In our fishing trip example, the father, the mother, the step-son are the main characters. Eventually, other family members, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. may come to be considered as contributing factors/influences.) o Here are additional areas to look at: “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2018 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
16. Areas To Find More “How” and Contributing Factor Information • Process: antecedent events and subsequent consequences. • Triangles • Enmeshment/Disengagement • Rules/patterns of behavior: Implicit/Explicit • Loyalties and compensations • Life cycle transitions: births, deaths, divorce • Quality of boundaries • Birth order • Nodal or critical events in the family “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2018 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
17. Replace Habit Of Thinking Causally with Habit Of Thinking Contextually. • Think antecedent events and subsequent consequences. Related and contributing factors, not causal factors. • Don't use "Why or What." “How” instead. • No one is to blame. Skip the blame game. • What is to blame for a cake? Who is to blame for Johnny the delinquent? What causes people to marry? What causes divorce? What causes a flat tire? • Think multi-factorally. No one simple answer or fix, but many small ones. • Give up trying to fix or make things better. • A mid-wife assists/facilitates delivery but does not make it happen. • Be a companion to change, not a change interventionist. • Human change is an organic process. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2018 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
18. When Are Habits/Patterns Most Vulnerable To Change? • During Life Cycle Transitions and Crises o Personal and family life span shifts. o Grad students are in a big transition. • Focus on how to change your habits as therapist. o When “Fix It” habit kicks in, add new “Systemic” habit to it and feel the rewards, the reinforcement! • Grow changes with clients, don’t force them. People and relationships are living entities, not machines. • Helps family/couple/person sustain their changes, rather than “make ‘em and loose ‘em.” • Can’t hurt the family or human system, but you can’t save them. Work with them, not on them. • This approach prevents therapist burn-out. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2018 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
19. In Short, the Goals Are To: • Not become numb to the unique needs of each client you work with. • Pay habitual attention to the details of each person you serve as if it was your first time. This prevents robotic, reactive counseling, coaching or consulting services. • Attend to the detailed reality of the person(s) in front of you as well as their larger context(s). This keeps you awake and effective. • Work with the gestalt, both the foreground and the background, of clients, not just the parenthetical slice of their worlds you are habituated to dealing with. • Develop habits that are comfortable addressing the interconnectedness of all things. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2018 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net
20. What You See Is What You Work On. Is it a vase or two people staring at each other? It’s both and it takes each to form the other. Good coaching takes both images into account when helping people make effective, sustainable changes. “New, Effective Habits of Thought and Procedure for the Modern Coach, Counselor and Consultant” © Paul W. Anderson, PhD, 2018 843-422-1408 netpsy@netpsychologist.net