An Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism - Presentation and Notes

This is a brief introductory presentation about the asexual and aromantic spectrums. It covers:
- Asexuality and the asexual spectrum
- Aromanticism and the aromantic spectrum
- Behaviour/attitudes to sex and romance
- Some aspec identities
- Issues affecting the aspec population
- Being aspec-inclusive
This version includes speaker notes.

Transcript

1. AN INTRODUCTION TO ASEXUALITY AND AROMANTICISM Cyril Leonard This is my introductory presentation on asexuality and aromanticism, delivered originally at the Projekt6 Basic Education Weekend. My name is Cyril Leonard, my pronouns are they/them, and I identify as genderqueer and aromantic. 11.03.2022 1
2. Outline 27.02.2022 Asexuality and the asexual spectrum Aromanticism and the aromantic spectrum Behaviour/attitudes to sex and romance Some aspec identities Issues affecting the aspec population Being aspec- inclusive Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism In this presentation, I'll try to give a brief overview of what I think are some of the most important things to be aware of about asexuality and aromanticism. I'll start with a few definitions of asexuality and the asexual spectrum and aromanticism and the aromantic spectrum. Then, I'll move on to discuss behaviour and attitudes towards romance and sex, as I feel that asexuality and aromanticism are most frequently misunderstood as behaviours or actions, but as we'll see shortly, that's not true. Next up I'll introduce you to some common aspec identities. That should give you an idea of the spectrum of identities that falls under the umbrellas of asexuality and aromanticism. I will then move on to some issues that affect the aspec population and finally – the most important part! I'll talk about a few things that you as sex educators can do to be aspec-inclusive in your work. 11.03.2022 2
3. Asexuality/The Asexual Spectrum ◦ “an asexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction” (AVEN) ◦ "asexual, or "ace", refers to people who do not experience sexual attraction toward others. It is also used by people whose asexual identities are conditional, unreliable, or atypical to societal expectations, and by people who simply do not wish to label it further. Asexuality is a sexual orientation,not a gender identity, behavior, or medical condition. Some asexual people choose to engage in sexual activities for various reasons despite not experiencing sexual feelings and desire toward any particular person. Asexuality is part of the asexual spectrum (abbreviated "ace-spec"), an umbrella term and a broad community of identities that are closely related to asexuality when placed on a spectrum ranging from asexual to [allo]sexual." (LGBTQIA+ wiki) 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism As you can see, there are a few different definitions of what "asexual" means. The one that is most commonly used is the one that was coined by David Jay when he founded the Asexual Visibility and Education Network – an asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Since then, however, the definition has been widely discussed in the community and has been widened to also include those relationship to sexuality and/or sexual attraction is unusual or atypical in some way. We'll get into that when we talk about some identities on the asexual spectrum. 11.03.2022 3
4. Aromanticism/The Aromantic Spectrum ◦ The aromantic spectrum, abbreviated as aro-spec, refers to romantic orientations that are aromantic or are closely related to aromanticism when placed on a spectrum ranging from aromantic to alloromantic. Alloromantic (or zedromantic) refers to people who are not on the aromantic spectrum and experience romantic attraction. (LGBTQIA+ wiki) ◦ It is also used by people whose aromantic identities are conditional, unreliable, or atypical to societal expectations, and by people who simply do not wish to label it further. Identities under the aromantic umbrella are closely connected as part of a broad community. (LGBTQIA+ wiki) 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism Analogous to what I just said about asexuality, aromanticism can be broadly defined as not experiencing romantic attraction, but people may also identify as aromantic if their experience of romantic attraction is in some way unusual or atypical. 11.03.2022 4
5. Behaviour/attitudes to sex and romance ◦ “aspec” doesn’t say anything about how the person feels about sex or romance ◦ Sex-favourable/-neutral/-repulsed: terms for how someone feels about themselves having sexual interactions ◦ Sex-positive/-negative: terms for how someone feels about sex generally ◦ Romance-favourable/-neutral/-repulsed: terms for how someone feels about themselves having romantic interactions or relationships ◦ Romance-positive/-negative: terms for how someone feels about romance generally 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism If someone identifies as asexual or aromantic, or one of the identities under the asexual and aromantic umbrellas, that only tells you what their relationship to sexual or romantic attraction is. It doesn't tell you how they feel about sex or romance in general terms or about engaging in sexual or romantic activities themselves. So here are some terms that many people in the asexual and aromantic communities use to describe their attitudes towards sexual and romantic interactions. 11.03.2022 5
6. Some aspec identities ◦ Asexual ◦ Demisexual ◦ Greysexual or grey-asexual ◦ Fraysexual ◦ Aegosexual 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism Asexual – we have already covered this one! Demisexual – this usually means someone who can and does experience sexual attraction, but only after they have formed an emotional attachment to the person in question. Demis quite often get told that that's just "being a normal person", because it's usually assumed that what they're saying is that they don't want to have sex with strangers. But that's not what demisexuality means – it's about attraction, not action. Greysexual or grey-asexual – this usually means someone who experiences sexual attraction sometimes or rarely, but unlike with demisexuality, it's not connected to specific circumstances like having an emotional connection. Whether someone identifies as greysexual or grey-asexual usually depends on whether they feel their experience is more closely aligned with allosexuality or asexuality. Fraysexual – this means someone whose sexual attraction "frays", i.e. it fades once an emotional connection is established. It is sometimes considered the opposite of demisexuality as fraysexual people experience sexual attracxtion only to people who they do not know very well. Like demisexuals, they will often get told that it's normal for sexual desire to fade over the course of a relationship, but again that's not what "fraysexual" means. Commonly, their desire will fade very quickly and consistently as opposed to the "typical" schedule of sexual desire fading over a period of years. Aegosexual – literally "sexual without self". This describes those who experience a 11.03.2022 6
7. disconnect between themselves and the subject of arousal. They may have sexual fantasies, view sexual content, or masturbate, but typically feel little to no sexual attraction or desire to engage in sexual intercourse. 11.03.2022 6
8. Some arospec identities ◦ Aromantic ◦ Demiromantic ◦ Greyromantic or grey-aromantic ◦ Frayromantic ◦ Aegoromantic 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism Aromantic – we have already covered this one! Demiromantic – describes people who do not experience romantic attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone, according to the most common definition. This connection may be sexual, platonic, or another form/combination of forms, depending on the demiromantic individual. A common misconception here is that this describes the common/normal experience that you don't fall in love until you know someone. But it's about experiencing the romantic attraction rather than falling love. Greyromantic or grey-aromantic – this usually means someone who feels they are in the "grey area" between alloromanticism and aromanticism and experiences romantic attraction sometimes or rarely, but unlike with demiromanticism, it's not connected to specific circumstances like having a connection. Whether someone identifies as greysromantic or grey-aromantic usually depends on whether they feel their experience is more closely aligned with alloromanticism or aromanticism. Frayromantic – this means someone whose romantic attraction "frays", i.e. it fades once an emotional connection is established. It is sometimes considered the opposite of demisexuality as fraysexual people experience sexual attracxtion only to people who they do not know very well. Like demiromantics, they will often get told that it's normal for romantic desire to fade over the course of a relationship, but commonly, 11.03.2022 7
9. their desire will fade very quickly and consistently as opposed to the "typical" schedule. Aegoromantic – literally "romantic without self". This describes those who enjoy the concept of romance but do not have a desire to participate in romantic activities. Aegoromantic individuals may have romantic fantasies, enjoy romantic media, or engage in shipping in fandoms, but they tend to feel little to no romantic attraction in real life and typically do not desire a romantic relationship. 11.03.2022 7
10. Issues affecting the aspec population ◦ Amatonormativity ◦ Compulsive sexuality/sex-normativity ◦ Amisia in both queer and mainstream spaces, including healthcare settings ◦ Mononormativity 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism I've pulled out four main issues that affect people on the asexual and aromantic spectrums: amatonormativity, compulsive sexuality, amisia, and mononormativity. I will talk about each of them in more depth now. 11.03.2022 8
11. Amatonormativity ◦ Expectation that everyone should be and wants to be in a monogamous romantic relationship which is central to their lives ◦ Affects especially arospec people, but also those of other orientations who are single by choice or those who are polyamorous/polyaffectionate: ◦ People prioritise their romantic partners over friends, siblings, and other relationships ◦ No societal provision for those who do not desire a central romantic monogamous r’ship ◦ Social stigmatisation and exclusion of single people ◦ Pathologising of especially arospec identities 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism Amatonormativity is the expectation we have especially in Western societies that everyone should be and wants to be in a monogamous romantic relationship and that that relationship should be the most important thing in their lives. This norm affects especially those who are on the aromantic spectrum and therefore have no desire to enter romantic relationships, but also other groups such as those who are single by choice and those who are polyamorous or polyaffectionate (especially those who practice solo polyamory). Their individual lives may be affected because friends prioritise their romantic partners over other relationships, but on a societyl level, because amatonormativity is baked into everything from housing provision to the legal system to healthcare rights of access, there is no societal provision for those who do not desire a central monogamous romantic relationship. As being single is considered non-normative, those on the aromantic spectrum are often pathologised, particularly within healthcare. Many psychological theories assume that having no desire to be in a romantic relationship is the result of psychological conditions that can and should be treated. This is a form of conversion therapy – you can no more make an aromantic alloromantic than you can make a gay person straight - but is not often recognised as such. Legal protections often do not cover aromanticism, and there is very little awareness about aromanticism among healthcare practitioners. 11.03.2022 9
12. Compulsive sexuality ◦ The assumption that everyone wants to and should have sex/engage in sexual activities ◦ The assumption that a good relationship must include a sexual component ◦ →Invalidation and devaluation of non-sexual relationships ◦ → Violence toward aspecs such as “corrective” rape ◦ →Pathologisation of especially acespec identities 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism The sexual pendant to amatonormativity is compulsive sexuality: the assumption and expectation that everyone wants to and should have sex. This is closely tied to the idea that a good relationship must always include sex – if you're not having sex, it's not a "real" relationship. WIthin this framework, non-sexual relationships have less value than sexual ones. Asexuals disproportionately suffer from issues like so-called "corrective rape" - (rape with the belief/intent that this will change the victim's sexual orientation) and are pathologised both outside and within healthcare. The current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders still includes the diagnosis "hyposexual desire disorder". 11.03.2022 10
13. Amisia/Aphobia ◦ Exclusion of aspec individuals and identities from queer spaces ◦ → Higher risk of loneliness and other mental health issues ◦ Invalidation of aspec identities, including in healthcare settings ◦ Pathologisation of aspec identities, including in healthcare settings ◦ → Higher risk of being offered conversion therapy 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism Amisia (Why you should use "-misia" instead of "-phobia). "-misia" means "hatred of" so amisia means hatred of asexual- and aromantic-spectrum individuals. This hatred can manifest in a lot of ways, I have listed a few. It's still quite common for queer spaces to be exclusionist towards asexual- and aromantic-spectrum people as they are not considered queer identities. It's comparable to the exclusion bi+ and pan individuals face from within the queer community and as a result, bi+ and pan people have the largest proportion of mental health challenges within the queer community. There isn't any research of this kind on asexual and aromantic spectrum people, but extrapolating from the bi+ and pan experience leads me to assume that something similar is true for them. Amisia also leads to aspec identities being invalidated ("that's just being a normal person") or, on the flipside, pathologised ("that's not normal, it's a disorder that needs to be treated"). As mentioned before, this places aspec individuals at higher risk of being offered conversion therapy to change their sexual and/or romantic orientation. 11.03.2022 11
14. Mononormativity ◦ The assumption and expectation that everyone should and wants to be in a monogamous romantic- sexual relationship that’s central to their lives ◦ Affects those who don’t desire this at all, who desire multiple relationships of this kind, and those who desire one central relationship but want it to not be a romantic-sexual one ◦ No societal provision for those who want to live in ways that aren’t a two-person couple with family: ◦ Living arrangements/cost of living ◦ Legal system ◦ Healthcare system ◦ Social stigmatisation of those who want to and do live differently 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism Monomormativity is heavily related to amatonormativity. It affects those who don't desire a central monogamous romantic-sexual relationship at all, but also those who want multiple relationships of this kind or who want romantic-sexual relationships in their lives but who want their central relationship(s) to be different (for example, someone who chooses a friend or sibling as life companion). Apart from the social stigma that these "alternative" lifestyles carry, there is also the practical fact that our housing, legal, and healthcare systems are all predicated on mononormativity. 11.03.2022 12
15. Being aspec-inclusive ◦ Language: ◦ Explicitly mention asexual-spectrum and aromantic-spectrum on your materials and in your sessions ◦ Use correct terms – don’t say “asexual” when you mean “sex-repulsed”, for example ◦ Be mindful of teaching amatonormativity/compulsive sexuality! ◦ Awareness: ◦ Don’t assume people’s attitudes or desires from their aspec identity ◦ Don’t assume aspecs aren’t your target audience! 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism So that was a bit of a downer. It can be rough looking at the issues that affect a certain population! But I'm also a solution-focused thinker and so I want to give you some tools for how you can make the world a better place for aspec individuals and be welcoming and inclusive in the work you do, but also more generally in your lives. A really small thing you can do that will have a big impact is look at the language you use. When you advertise for your sessions or write blurbs, it's always helpful to explicitly state that they are aspec-friendly - whether you spell out the words or use the abbreviation "LGBTQIA+", make it known that you are welcoming to aspec individuals. Since exclusionism is so common, we quite often wonder when something is advertied as "queer-friendly" for example, whether we're included or not. Another thing you can do is to use correct terms for what you mean. Especially the word "asexual" often gets misused to mean "sex-repulsed" or "unable to have sex because of trauma". A big concern that I also want to mention is to be mindful of teaching amatonormativity or compulsive sexuality. If you adapt your sessions to include non- romantic and non-sexual relationships, this goes a long way towards normalising them. 11.03.2022 13
16. Finally, I wanted to mention awareness. As I already said at the beginning, when someone identifies as aromantic or asexual or an identity that falls under those umbrellas, that doesn't tell you about their attitude towards sex and romance. Finally – aspec individuals are part of your audience! Firstly, lots of aspecs can and do have sex, but even for those who don't, it's important to learn about things like consent, boundaries, how to create and maintain healthy relationships, how to figure out what (and who) you like. Some people who come to your sessions may be questioning their sexual and/opr romantic orientations, so for them, even having aspec identities named and normalised alongside other identities can make a big impact. 11.03.2022 13
17. Resources ◦ LGBTQIA+ wiki https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/ ◦ The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project http://taaap.org/ ◦ Asexuality: ◦ AVEN https://www.asexuality.org/ ◦ Aromanticism: ◦ Arocalypse https://www.arocalypse.com/ ◦ AUREA https://www.aromanticism.org/ 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism Here are the resources I used to put together the presentation and some you can use to start your education on aspec topics! 11.03.2022 14
18. Thank you! ◦ https://arobydesign.wordpress.com/ ◦ https://twitter.com/arobydesign ◦ https://www.instagram.com/arobydesign/ ◦ https://www.facebook.com/cyrilbydesign/ 27.02.2022 Introduction to Asexuality and Aromanticism Thank you very much! Here are all the ways you can find me online. 11.03.2022 15