Don't Take It Personally

Receiving feedback can be tough. It can be hard to remember that it is meant to help improve work going forward, not to point out current flaws. It can be incredibly easy to take feedback or comments personally in the workplace, but what is the impact when we do so?

When we personalize situations we tend to lose sight of the bigger picture. It becomes easier to focus in on minute details and not look at the overall context in which the feedback is being given. The impacts of this lower level of focus can result in wasted time from; chasing the wrong issues, laying blame, making up excuses, refusing to ask for help, and ultimately avoiding discussions around the root cause and ways to improve.

This talk will draw on experiences and examples of situations such as; testing debriefs (tester to tester interactions), bug discovery (tester to developer interactions), and inter team projects (team to team interactions) and discuss tactics for each on staying objective and productive. When we look at feedback for what it truly is - a way to improve - we can build better relationships between communities and teams to make them stronger as a result.

By the end of this talk, attendees will know:
- How to better identify situations where you may be personalizing
- Ways to reorient thinking back to objectified view vs personalized view
- How to improve communication to avoid negatively received feedback

Transcript

1. Bailey Hanna Nordic Testing Days 2019
2. A bit about me @baileyhanna
3. What do I mean by “Don’t Take it Personally” @baileyhanna
4. Stop taking what other people say and do so personally. Focus instead on what you’re about to say and do. - Akiroq Brost @baileyhanna
5. Elements of Communication Implication & Tone Emphasis & Inflection Body Language What Makes Feedback Personal? @baileyhanna
6. Implication and Tone Unfortunately, we failed since it would seem you were unable to grasp the severity of the situation. Unfortunately, we failed since it would seem you were unable to grasp the severity of the situation. @baileyhanna Unfortunately, we failed since it would seem you were unable to grasp the severity of the situation.
7. Implication and Tone The situation was more severe than we believed but we did the best we could despite that and can learn from it. The situation was more severe than we believed but we did the best we could despite that and can learn from it. The situation was more severe than we believed but we did the best we could despite that and can learn from it. @baileyhanna
8. Tester/Tester @baileyhanna
9. Now With Some Adjustments! @baileyhanna
10. Now let’s give it a try! Split into groups of 2-3 and have one person use Implication and Tone, and have one person try and change the conversation back to being positive/productive SCENARIO 1 You believe person 2 is intentionally not getting their work done. SCENARIO 2 You are evaluating person 2’s work performance, which you believe needs improvement.
11. Now let’s change things up Using the same scenarios as the previous example, change your wording around and try and make the conversation objective/productive SCENARIO 1 You believe person 2 is intentionally not getting their work done. SCENARIO 2 You are evaluating person 2’s work performance, which you believe needs improvement.
12. Emphasis and Inflection I didn’t say you stole my money. I didn’t say you stole my money. I didn’t say you stole my money. I didn’t say you stole my money. @baileyhanna
13. Tester-Dev @baileyhanna
14. Now With Some Adjustments! @baileyhanna
15. Now let’s give it a try! Split into groups of 2-3 and have one person use negative Inflection and Emphasis, and have one person try and change the conversation back to being positive/productive. @baileyhanna SCENARIO 1 You’re discussing a project that is behind schedule. SCENARIO 2 You’re discussing with Person #2 the skills of another colleague (a non-existent person 3)
16. Now let’s change things up Using the same scenarios as the previous example, change your wording around and try and make the conversation objective/productive. @baileyhanna SCENARIO 1 You’re discussing a project that is behind schedule. SCENARIO 2 You’re discussing with Person #2 the skills of another colleague (a non-existent person 3)
17. Body Language @baileyhanna The Office Revival https://tvline.com/2017/12/18/the-office-revival-nbc-2018-new-cast/
18. Team to Team @baileyhanna
19. Now With Some Adjustments! @baileyhanna
20. Now let’s give it a try! Split into groups of 2-3 and have one person use negative Body Language, and have one person try and change the conversation back to being positive/productive @baileyhanna SCENARIO 1 Person #2 is coming to Person #1, their manager, with an issue SCENARIO 2 Person #1 is interviewing Person #2
21. Now let’s change things up Using the same scenarios as the previous example, change your body language around and try and make the conversation more productive @baileyhanna SCENARIO 1 Person #2 is coming to Person #1, their manager, with an issue SCENARIO 2 Person #1 is interviewing Person #2
22. Now to put it all together @baileyhanna
23. It’s almost never one thing that makes us take something personally, it’s a combination of many things. @baileyhanna
24. Let’s try it all together Scenario 1: You’re discussing how a customer issue was handled Scenario 2: Person #1 thinks Person #2 submitted an expense that shouldn’t be covered Scenario 3: Person #1 has a new marketing idea that Person #2 disagrees with Split into groups of 2-3 and have one person use a combo of negative conversation modifiers and have one person try and change the conversation back to being positive/productive. @baileyhanna
25. And make some adjustments, one last time! Scenario 1: You’re discussing how a customer issue was handled Scenario 2: Person #1 thinks Person #2 submitted an expense that shouldn’t be covered Scenario 3: Person #1 has a new marketing idea that Person #2 disagrees with Using the same scenarios as the previous example, change it up so that your interactions take on a more positive and productive style from the start! @baileyhanna
26. Let’s try it all together Split into groups of 2-3 and have one person use a combo of negative conversation modifiers and have one person try and change the conversation back to being positive/productive. @baileyhanna SCENARIO 1 You’re discussing a new testing technique SCENARIO 2 Person #1 found a bug in Person #2’s area of code SCENARIO 3 Combine with another group for this one! You’re having a meeting to discuss a joint project
27. And make some adjustments, one last time! Using the same scenarios as the previous example, change it up so that your interactions take on a more positive and productive style from the start! @baileyhanna SCENARIO 1 You’re discussing a new testing technique SCENARIO 2 Person #1 found a bug in Person #2’s area of code SCENARIO 3 Combine with another group for this one! You’re having a meeting to discuss a joint project
28. @baileyhanna Even if someone makes it personal, it is up to YOU whether or not to take it personally.
29. Bailey Hanna baileyhanna17@gmail.com @BaileyHanna www.thingstestingtaughtme.com