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Dirty Money (2022)

Dirty Money (2022)

"A tactless remark results in an unfortunate deal with the devil."

Katherine Myong

December 18, 2022
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Transcript

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  4. Receptionist: Next!

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  5. Receptionist: Next!

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  13. [Muffled Arguing]

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  14. [Muffled Arguing]

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  15. Reaper: —AAAAAAHH!

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  16. [Crash!]

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  17. [Crash!]

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  21. Receptionist: He’s ready to see you now.

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  22. Receptionist: He’s ready to see you now.

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  26. - Your six o’clock is here, sir.

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  27. - Your six o’clock is here, sir.

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  28. - Your six o’clock is here, sir.

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  29. - Your six o’clock is here, sir.

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  31. [Slam!]

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  32. Cindy: Um - hello, sir?

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  33. Cindy: Um - hello, sir?

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  34. Lucy: Ah, the new ghoul.

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  35. Lucy: Ah, the new ghoul.

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  36. - What do you want?

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  37. Cindy: I’m here to talk to you about the budget reports for the season.

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  38. Cindy: I’m here to talk to you about the budget reports for the season.

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  39. Cindy: I’m here to talk to you about the budget reports for the season.

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  40. - …

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  41. - …

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  42. - Um…

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  43. - I was going over the costs and returns over the last few years…

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  44. - I was going over the costs and returns over the last few years…

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  45. - And I realised that were going into a bit of a downward -

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  46. - And I realised that were going into a bit of a downward -

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  47. Lucy: Get to the point.

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  48. Lucy: Get to the point.

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  49. Lucy: Get to the point.

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  52. Cindy: You’re broke.

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  53. Lucy: WHAT?!

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  54. Lucy: WHAT?!

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  55. Lucy: WHAT?!

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  56. Cindy: You have no funds left.

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  57. Lucy: HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!

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  58. Lucy: HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!

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  59. Lucy: HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!

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  60. Lucy: HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!

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  61. Cindy: Well, for starters…

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  62. Cindy: Well, for starters…

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  63. - That giant gold statue of yourself you had made last quarter.

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  64. - That giant gold statue of yourself you had made last quarter.

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  65. - That giant gold statue of yourself you had made last quarter.

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  66. - That giant gold statue of yourself you had made last quarter.

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  67. - That giant gold statue of yourself you had made last quarter.

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  68. Lucy: How DARE you.

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  69. Lucy: How DARE you.

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  70. - How dare you come into my office, and INSINUATE that my statue -

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  71. - How dare you come into my office, and INSINUATE that my statue -

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  72. - MY STATUE - is out of budget!

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  73. - MY STATUE - is out of budget!

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  74. Cindy: Well,

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  75. - Among other things.

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  76. Lucy: YOU! A MERE SPIRIT!

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  77. Lucy: YOU! A MERE SPIRIT!

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  78. - A GHOUL!

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  79. - A GHOUL!

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  80. - AN INTERN!

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  81. - AN INTERN!

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  83. Cindy: [Laughs]

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  84. - Excuse me?

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  85. Lucy: You’re excused.

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  86. Cindy: An intern?

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  87. Cindy: An intern?

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  88. - Are you serious?

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  89. - AN INTERN?

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  90. - AN INTERN?

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  91. - A FREAKING INTERN?

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  92. - A FREAKING INTERN?

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  93. - A FREAKING INTERN?

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  94. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  95. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  96. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  97. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  98. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  99. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  100. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  101. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  102. - and you call me -

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  103. - and you call me -

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  104. - AN INTERN?!

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  105. - How many Christmas parties have I attended?

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  106. - How many Christmas parties have I attended?

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  107. - How many Christmas parties have I attended?

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  108. - How many Thanksgiving soirees?

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  109. - How many Thanksgiving soirees?

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  110. - How many HR regulated events have I attended -

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  111. - How many HR regulated events have I attended -

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  112. - How many HR regulated events have I attended -

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  113. Lucy: F- Free events! With free food! On my dime!

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  114. Lucy: F- Free events! With free food! On my dime!

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  116. Cindy: ...Oh!

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  117. Cindy: ...Oh!

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  119. - OH!!!

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  120. - WOW!

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  121. - THANKS!

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  122. - THANKS!

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  123. - That makes it ALL BETTER!

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  124. - That makes it ALL BETTER!

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  125. - That makes it ALL BETTER!

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  126. - No.

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  127. - I am your -

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  128. - I am your -

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  129. - I am your -

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  130. - God -

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  131. - Damned -

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  132. - Accountant.

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  133. - I am the single most important person you will deal with in your entire miserable existence -

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  134. - I am the single most important person you will deal with in your entire miserable existence -

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  135. - OBVIOUSLY, considering how BROKE you are.

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  136. - OBVIOUSLY, considering how BROKE you are.

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  137. - We had to shut off the fire pits because of how low on funds we are!

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  138. - We had to shut off the fire pits because of how low on funds we are!

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  139. Lucy: You shut off the fire pits?!

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  140. Cindy: WE SHUT OFF THE FIRE PITS.

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  141. Cindy: WE SHUT OFF THE FIRE PITS.

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  142. Cindy: WE SHUT OFF THE FIRE PITS.

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  143. Cindy: WE SHUT OFF THE FIRE PITS.

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  144. - And now,

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  145. - I’m getting complaints from HR about how -

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  146. - I’m getting complaints from HR about how -

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  147. - “Ooooh, the damned souls are feeling cramped,”

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  148. - “Ooooh, the damned souls are feeling cramped,”

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  149. - “Ooooh, the damned souls are feeling cramped,”

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  150. - “Ooooh, the damned souls are feeling cramped,”

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  151. - “Because now it’s ‘just a pit!’”

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  152. - “Because now it’s ‘just a pit!’”

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  153. - “And nobody’s getting burned!”

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  154. - “And nobody’s getting burned!”

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  155. - “The hellhounds are starving!”

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  156. - “The hellhounds are starving!”

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  157. - “The reapers need new scythes!”

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  158. - “The reapers need new scythes!”

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  159. - “Oh, Cindy, Cindy, what do we do?!”

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  160. - “Oh, Cindy, Cindy, what do we do?!”

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  161. - Who do you think has to deal with all of your messes?

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  162. - Who do you think has to deal with all of your messes?

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  163. - Who do you think has to deal with all of your messes?

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  164. - Not the interns.

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  165. - Not the interns.

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  166. - Not the interns.

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  167. - Not the assistants.

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  168. - Not the assistants.

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  169. - ME.

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  170. - ME.

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  171. - ME.

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  172. - CINDY.

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  173. - CINDY.

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  175. Lucy: …What do you want?

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  176. Cindy: Some recognition.

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  177. - And a raise.

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  178. - I’m not just your accountant anymore.

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  179. - I am your full-on financial manager.

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  180. - I am your full-on financial manager.

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  181. - I am your full-on financial manager.

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  182. Lucy: Fine! Fine. Just fix this!

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  183. Lucy: Fine! Fine. Just fix this!

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  184. Cindy: Do we have a deal?

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  185. Lucy: Deal.

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  186. Lucy: Deal.

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  189. Cindy: Good.

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  190. - [giggles]

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  191. - [giggles]

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  192. - Now…

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  193. - Now…

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  194. - It’s time for us to make a few changes around here.

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  195. - You with me?

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