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Dirty Money (2022)

Dirty Money (2022)

"A tactless remark results in an unfortunate deal with the devil."

Katherine Myong

December 18, 2022
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  1. Receptionist: Next!

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  2. Receptionist: Next!

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  3. [Muffled Arguing]

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  4. [Muffled Arguing]

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  5. Reaper: —AAAAAAHH!

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  6. Receptionist: He’s ready to see you now.

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  7. Receptionist: He’s ready to see you now.

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  8. - Your six o’clock is here, sir.

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  9. - Your six o’clock is here, sir.

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  10. - Your six o’clock is here, sir.

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  11. - Your six o’clock is here, sir.

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  12. Cindy: Um - hello, sir?

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  13. Cindy: Um - hello, sir?

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  14. Lucy: Ah, the new ghoul.

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  15. Lucy: Ah, the new ghoul.

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  16. - What do you want?

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  17. Cindy: I’m here to talk to you about the budget reports for the season.

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  18. Cindy: I’m here to talk to you about the budget reports for the season.

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  19. Cindy: I’m here to talk to you about the budget reports for the season.

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  20. - I was going over the costs and returns over the last few years…

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  21. - I was going over the costs and returns over the last few years…

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  22. - And I realised that were going into a bit of a downward -

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  23. - And I realised that were going into a bit of a downward -

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  24. Lucy: Get to the point.

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  25. Lucy: Get to the point.

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  26. Lucy: Get to the point.

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  27. Cindy: You’re broke.

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  28. Lucy: WHAT?!

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  29. Lucy: WHAT?!

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  30. Lucy: WHAT?!

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  31. Cindy: You have no funds left.

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  32. Lucy: HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!

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  33. Lucy: HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!

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  34. Lucy: HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!

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  35. Lucy: HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!

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  36. Cindy: Well, for starters…

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  37. Cindy: Well, for starters…

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  38. - That giant gold statue of yourself you had made last quarter.

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  39. - That giant gold statue of yourself you had made last quarter.

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  40. - That giant gold statue of yourself you had made last quarter.

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  41. - That giant gold statue of yourself you had made last quarter.

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  42. - That giant gold statue of yourself you had made last quarter.

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  43. Lucy: How DARE you.

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  44. Lucy: How DARE you.

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  45. - How dare you come into my office, and INSINUATE that my statue -

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  46. - How dare you come into my office, and INSINUATE that my statue -

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  47. - MY STATUE - is out of budget!

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  48. - MY STATUE - is out of budget!

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  49. Cindy: Well,

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  50. - Among other things.

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  51. Lucy: YOU! A MERE SPIRIT!

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  52. Lucy: YOU! A MERE SPIRIT!

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  53. - AN INTERN!

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  54. - AN INTERN!

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  55. Cindy: [Laughs]

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  56. - Excuse me?

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  57. Lucy: You’re excused.

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  58. Cindy: An intern?

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  59. Cindy: An intern?

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  60. - Are you serious?

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  61. - AN INTERN?

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  62. - AN INTERN?

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  63. - A FREAKING INTERN?

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  64. - A FREAKING INTERN?

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  65. - A FREAKING INTERN?

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  66. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  67. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  68. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  69. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  70. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  71. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  72. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  73. - I’ve been working here for at least three hundred years,

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  74. - and you call me -

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  75. - and you call me -

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  76. - AN INTERN?!

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  77. - How many Christmas parties have I attended?

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  78. - How many Christmas parties have I attended?

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  79. - How many Christmas parties have I attended?

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  80. - How many Thanksgiving soirees?

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  81. - How many Thanksgiving soirees?

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  82. - How many HR regulated events have I attended -

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  83. - How many HR regulated events have I attended -

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  84. - How many HR regulated events have I attended -

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  85. Lucy: F- Free events! With free food! On my dime!

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  86. Lucy: F- Free events! With free food! On my dime!

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  87. Cindy: ...Oh!

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  88. Cindy: ...Oh!

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  89. - That makes it ALL BETTER!

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  90. - That makes it ALL BETTER!

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  91. - That makes it ALL BETTER!

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  92. - I am your -

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  93. - I am your -

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  94. - I am your -

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  95. - Accountant.

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  96. - I am the single most important person you will deal with in your entire miserable existence -

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  97. - I am the single most important person you will deal with in your entire miserable existence -

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  98. - OBVIOUSLY, considering how BROKE you are.

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  99. - OBVIOUSLY, considering how BROKE you are.

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  100. - We had to shut off the fire pits because of how low on funds we are!

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  101. - We had to shut off the fire pits because of how low on funds we are!

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  102. Lucy: You shut off the fire pits?!

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  103. Cindy: WE SHUT OFF THE FIRE PITS.

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  104. Cindy: WE SHUT OFF THE FIRE PITS.

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  105. Cindy: WE SHUT OFF THE FIRE PITS.

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  106. Cindy: WE SHUT OFF THE FIRE PITS.

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  107. - I’m getting complaints from HR about how -

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  108. - I’m getting complaints from HR about how -

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  109. - “Ooooh, the damned souls are feeling cramped,”

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  110. - “Ooooh, the damned souls are feeling cramped,”

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  111. - “Ooooh, the damned souls are feeling cramped,”

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  112. - “Ooooh, the damned souls are feeling cramped,”

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  113. - “Because now it’s ‘just a pit!’”

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  114. - “Because now it’s ‘just a pit!’”

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  115. - “And nobody’s getting burned!”

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  116. - “And nobody’s getting burned!”

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  117. - “The hellhounds are starving!”

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  118. - “The hellhounds are starving!”

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  119. - “The reapers need new scythes!”

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  120. - “The reapers need new scythes!”

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  121. - “Oh, Cindy, Cindy, what do we do?!”

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  122. - “Oh, Cindy, Cindy, what do we do?!”

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  123. - Who do you think has to deal with all of your messes?

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  124. - Who do you think has to deal with all of your messes?

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  125. - Who do you think has to deal with all of your messes?

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  126. - Not the interns.

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  127. - Not the interns.

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  128. - Not the interns.

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  129. - Not the assistants.

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  130. - Not the assistants.

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  131. Lucy: …What do you want?

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  132. Cindy: Some recognition.

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  133. - And a raise.

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  134. - I’m not just your accountant anymore.

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  135. - I am your full-on financial manager.

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  136. - I am your full-on financial manager.

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  137. - I am your full-on financial manager.

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  138. Lucy: Fine! Fine. Just fix this!

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  139. Lucy: Fine! Fine. Just fix this!

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  140. Cindy: Do we have a deal?

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  141. Cindy: Good.

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  142. - It’s time for us to make a few changes around here.

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  143. - You with me?

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