Navigating Conflict

In this workshop, we’ll demystify the difference between healthy vs unhealthy conflict and provide tools for navigating either kind.

Attendees walk away with easy methods to remember what steps to take in conflict and disagreements, how to prepare for a conflict conversation when you can, and how to respond in real-time if you’re caught off guard by one, and how to ensure your needs are met without trampling over those of others.

Created in collaboration with Paloma Medina.

Transcript

1. Navigating Conflict Lara Hogan, Coach + Trainer In collaboration with Paloma Medina Copyright 2020
2. negative to positive statements ? 1
3. negative to positive statements 6 1
4. negative to positive statements 20 1
6. What makes bad conflict? The wrong time The wrong data Stubbornness {
7. • The Right Time • The Right Data • The Right Flexibility
8. The Right Time
9. Prefrontal cortex (PFC) THE RIGHT TIME
10. THE RIGHT TIME
12. THE RIGHT TIME
13. Have a back-pocket script. THE RIGHT TIME
14. The Right Time: Don’t enter with a hijacked amygdala. Have a “back pocket” exit.
15. The Right Time: Work weekly on emotional regulation skills. PRO LEVEL
16. The Right Data
17. Facts THE RIGHT DATA
18. AMYGDALA WARNING #1 You never… You always… Everytime… THE RIGHT DATA
19. ✓ Sometimes… ✓ Recently… ✓ There’s been a few times… THE RIGHT DATA
20. Impact THE RIGHT DATA
21. Your Role THE RIGHT DATA
22. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring this up earlier.” “I wish I knew what to do here.” “I realize I’ve been really cranky, which isn’t helpful.” THE RIGHT DATA
24. AMYGDALA WARNING #2 The mic drop. THE RIGHT DATA
25. ✓ Always collect their side of the equation. THE RIGHT DATA
26. “Will you say more about…” THE RIGHT DATA
27. THE RIGHT DATA
28. AMYGDALA WARNING #3 It doesn’t seem like you care about hearing their answers. THE RIGHT DATA
29. Affirmation is required THE RIGHT DATA
30. “I sense that” “I get that” “It sounds like” Verbal THE RIGHT DATA
31. Verbal Tone “I sense that” “I get that” “It sounds like” THE RIGHT DATA
32. Nodding Soft eye contact Leaning in Verbal Tone Body THE RIGHT DATA
33. AMYGDALA WARNING #4 “I’m sorry you took it that way…” THE RIGHT DATA
34. AMYGDALA WARNING #5 “That’s not what I meant!” THE RIGHT DATA
35. ✓ “Thank you for telling me.” THE RIGHT DATA
36. Focus on the future
37. Them: “It would be cool if next time…” “How do we handle this differently next time?” You: “What if next time I…” “What could I do differently next time?” FOCUS ON THE FUTURE
38. The Right Data: Your side of the facts, impact (feelings), role. Their side (open questions). Focus on the future.
39. The Right Flexibility
41. Us Them How (position) No, we will own all 200 acres. We will own all 200 acres.
42. Us Them How (position) No, we will own all 200 acres. We will own all 200 acres. Need (why?) We don’t want to look for a new source of orange juice. We need the orange pulp.
43. How (position) We sell you the land, you give us reduced rates on the pulp for 15 years. We own the land, we supply the pulp for free for 8 years. We keep the land, and you lease half the acres from us at a below- market rate. Need (why?) We don’t want to look for a new source of orange juice. We need the orange pulp. A B C
44. Be creative and flexible about the how. Be firm about the core need.
45. How (position) I want you to talk to me and the team differently. You’re an adult, you can handle my critique. Need (why?) I want to be on a team where we all try to be better to each other. I think critique is how we get better as a team.
46. How (position) Need (why?) I want to be on a team where we all try to be better to each other. I think critique is how we get better as a team. We can give any and all negative feedback at a Friday THUNDERDOME feedback meeting. For the next 3 weeks we start all critique with “Here’s what’s hard...” and vow to avoid mean adjectives like “stupid” or “ridiculous”. A B
47. How (position) Need (why?) I want to be on a team where we all try to be better to each other. I think critique is how we get better as a team. We can critique whenever and however, but always standing on one leg. C
48. ❏ I think the one thing that matters most to me is ____________. What matters most to you most about this? ❏ Which parts of my first idea are the worst for you? Is there a part that would work for you? ❏ What one thing do you wish you could change about this? ❏ What’s one thing that would make this feel 20% better for you? ❏ On the GAS scale… I’m a 9 about the color (I care A LOT), but a 2 about the timeline. What about you? ❏ Your question: ______________________________________