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Navigating Conflict

Lara Hogan
October 13, 2021
310

Navigating Conflict

In this workshop, we’ll demystify the difference between healthy vs unhealthy conflict and provide tools for navigating either kind.

Attendees walk away with easy methods to remember what steps to take in conflict and disagreements, how to prepare for a conflict conversation when you can, and how to respond in real-time if you’re caught off guard by one, and how to ensure your needs are met without trampling over those of others.

Created in collaboration with Paloma Medina.

Lara Hogan

October 13, 2021
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Transcript

  1. Navigating Conflict
    Lara Hogan, Coach + Trainer
    In collaboration with Paloma Medina
    Copyright 2020

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  2. negative to
    positive statements
    ?
    1

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  3. negative to
    positive statements
    6
    1

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  4. negative to
    positive statements
    20
    1

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  5. What makes
    bad conflict?
    The wrong time
    The wrong data
    Stubbornness
    {

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  6. ● The Right Time
    ● The Right Data
    ● The Right Flexibility

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  7. The Right Time

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  8. Prefrontal
    cortex
    (PFC)
    THE RIGHT TIME

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  9. THE RIGHT TIME

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  10. THE RIGHT TIME

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  11. Have a back-pocket script.
    THE RIGHT TIME

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  12. The Right Time:
    Don’t enter with a hijacked
    amygdala.
    Have a “back pocket” exit.

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  13. The Right Time:
    Work weekly on
    emotional regulation skills.
    PRO
    LEVEL

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  14. The Right Data

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  15. Facts
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  16. AMYGDALA WARNING #1
    You never… You always… Everytime…
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  17. ✓ Sometimes…
    ✓ Recently…
    ✓ There’s been a few times…
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  18. Impact
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  19. Your Role
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  20. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring this up earlier.”
    “I wish I knew what to do here.”
    “I realize I’ve been really cranky, which
    isn’t helpful.”
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  21. AMYGDALA WARNING #2
    The mic drop.
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  22. ✓ Always collect their side of
    the equation.
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  23. “Will you say more about…”
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  24. THE RIGHT DATA

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  25. AMYGDALA WARNING #3
    It doesn’t seem like you care about
    hearing their answers.
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  26. Affirmation is required
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  27. “I sense that”
    “I get that”
    “It sounds like”
    Verbal
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  28. Verbal
    Tone
    “I sense that”
    “I get that”
    “It sounds like”
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  29. Nodding
    Soft eye contact
    Leaning in
    Verbal
    Tone
    Body
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  30. AMYGDALA WARNING #4
    “I’m sorry you took it that way…”
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  31. AMYGDALA WARNING #5
    “That’s not what I meant!”
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  32. ✓ “Thank you for telling me.”
    THE RIGHT DATA

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  33. Focus on the future

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  34. Them:
    “It would be cool if
    next time…”
    “How do we handle this
    differently next time?”
    You:
    “What if next time I…”
    “What could I do
    differently next
    time?”
    FOCUS ON THE FUTURE

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  35. The Right Data:
    Your side of the facts,
    impact (feelings), role.
    Their side (open questions).
    Focus on the future.

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  36. The Right Flexibility

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  37. Us Them
    How
    (position)
    No, we will own
    all 200 acres.
    We will own
    all 200 acres.

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  38. Us Them
    How
    (position)
    No, we will own
    all 200 acres.
    We will own
    all 200 acres.
    Need
    (why?)
    We don’t want to
    look for a new source
    of orange juice.
    We need the
    orange pulp.

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  39. How
    (position)
    We sell you
    the land,
    you give us
    reduced rates
    on the pulp for
    15 years.
    We own
    the land,
    we supply
    the pulp
    for free for
    8 years.
    We keep the
    land, and
    you lease half
    the acres from
    us at a below-
    market rate.
    Need
    (why?)
    We don’t want to
    look for a new source
    of orange juice.
    We need the
    orange pulp.
    A B C

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  40. Be creative and flexible
    about the how.
    Be firm about the
    core need.

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  41. How
    (position)
    I want you to talk to
    me and the team
    differently.
    You’re an adult, you
    can handle my
    critique.
    Need
    (why?)
    I want to be on a team
    where we all try to be
    better to each other.
    I think critique is how
    we get better as a
    team.

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  42. How
    (position)
    Need
    (why?)
    I want to be on a team
    where we all try to be
    better to each other.
    I think critique is how
    we get better as a
    team.
    We can give any
    and all negative
    feedback at a Friday
    THUNDERDOME
    feedback meeting.
    For the next 3 weeks
    we start all critique with
    “Here’s what’s hard...”
    and vow to avoid
    mean adjectives like
    “stupid” or “ridiculous”.
    A B

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  43. How
    (position)
    Need
    (why?)
    I want to be on a team
    where we all try to be
    better to each other.
    I think critique is how
    we get better as a
    team.
    We can critique
    whenever and
    however, but
    always standing
    on one leg.
    C

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  44. ❏ I think the one thing that matters most to me is ____________.
    What matters most to you most about this?
    ❏ Which parts of my first idea are the worst for you?
    Is there a part that would work for you?
    ❏ What one thing do you wish you could change about this?
    ❏ What’s one thing that would make this feel 20% better for you?
    ❏ On the GAS scale… I’m a 9 about the color (I care A LOT), but a 2
    about the timeline. What about you?
    ❏ Your question: ______________________________________

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