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Navigating Conflict

245cee81a9c424266e5e401d844ea881?s=47 Lara Hogan
October 13, 2021
24

Navigating Conflict

In this workshop, we’ll demystify the difference between healthy vs unhealthy conflict and provide tools for navigating either kind.

Attendees walk away with easy methods to remember what steps to take in conflict and disagreements, how to prepare for a conflict conversation when you can, and how to respond in real-time if you’re caught off guard by one, and how to ensure your needs are met without trampling over those of others.

Created in collaboration with Paloma Medina.

245cee81a9c424266e5e401d844ea881?s=128

Lara Hogan

October 13, 2021
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Transcript

  1. Navigating Conflict Lara Hogan, Coach + Trainer In collaboration with

    Paloma Medina Copyright 2020
  2. negative to positive statements ? 1

  3. negative to positive statements 6 1

  4. negative to positive statements 20 1

  5. None
  6. What makes bad conflict? The wrong time The wrong data

    Stubbornness {
  7. • The Right Time • The Right Data • The

    Right Flexibility
  8. The Right Time

  9. Prefrontal cortex (PFC) THE RIGHT TIME

  10. THE RIGHT TIME

  11. None
  12. THE RIGHT TIME

  13. Have a back-pocket script. THE RIGHT TIME

  14. The Right Time: Don’t enter with a hijacked amygdala. Have

    a “back pocket” exit.
  15. The Right Time: Work weekly on emotional regulation skills. PRO

    LEVEL
  16. The Right Data

  17. Facts THE RIGHT DATA

  18. AMYGDALA WARNING #1 You never… You always… Everytime… THE RIGHT

    DATA
  19. ✓ Sometimes… ✓ Recently… ✓ There’s been a few times…

    THE RIGHT DATA
  20. Impact THE RIGHT DATA

  21. Your Role THE RIGHT DATA

  22. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring this up earlier.” “I wish

    I knew what to do here.” “I realize I’ve been really cranky, which isn’t helpful.” THE RIGHT DATA
  23. None
  24. AMYGDALA WARNING #2 The mic drop. THE RIGHT DATA

  25. ✓ Always collect their side of the equation. THE RIGHT

    DATA
  26. “Will you say more about…” THE RIGHT DATA

  27. THE RIGHT DATA

  28. AMYGDALA WARNING #3 It doesn’t seem like you care about

    hearing their answers. THE RIGHT DATA
  29. Affirmation is required THE RIGHT DATA

  30. “I sense that” “I get that” “It sounds like” Verbal

    THE RIGHT DATA
  31. Verbal Tone “I sense that” “I get that” “It sounds

    like” THE RIGHT DATA
  32. Nodding Soft eye contact Leaning in Verbal Tone Body THE

    RIGHT DATA
  33. AMYGDALA WARNING #4 “I’m sorry you took it that way…”

    THE RIGHT DATA
  34. AMYGDALA WARNING #5 “That’s not what I meant!” THE RIGHT

    DATA
  35. ✓ “Thank you for telling me.” THE RIGHT DATA

  36. Focus on the future

  37. Them: “It would be cool if next time…” “How do

    we handle this differently next time?” You: “What if next time I…” “What could I do differently next time?” FOCUS ON THE FUTURE
  38. The Right Data: Your side of the facts, impact (feelings),

    role. Their side (open questions). Focus on the future.
  39. The Right Flexibility

  40. None
  41. Us Them How (position) No, we will own all 200

    acres. We will own all 200 acres.
  42. Us Them How (position) No, we will own all 200

    acres. We will own all 200 acres. Need (why?) We don’t want to look for a new source of orange juice. We need the orange pulp.
  43. How (position) We sell you the land, you give us

    reduced rates on the pulp for 15 years. We own the land, we supply the pulp for free for 8 years. We keep the land, and you lease half the acres from us at a below- market rate. Need (why?) We don’t want to look for a new source of orange juice. We need the orange pulp. A B C
  44. Be creative and flexible about the how. Be firm about

    the core need.
  45. How (position) I want you to talk to me and

    the team differently. You’re an adult, you can handle my critique. Need (why?) I want to be on a team where we all try to be better to each other. I think critique is how we get better as a team.
  46. How (position) Need (why?) I want to be on a

    team where we all try to be better to each other. I think critique is how we get better as a team. We can give any and all negative feedback at a Friday THUNDERDOME feedback meeting. For the next 3 weeks we start all critique with “Here’s what’s hard...” and vow to avoid mean adjectives like “stupid” or “ridiculous”. A B
  47. How (position) Need (why?) I want to be on a

    team where we all try to be better to each other. I think critique is how we get better as a team. We can critique whenever and however, but always standing on one leg. C
  48. ❏ I think the one thing that matters most to

    me is ____________. What matters most to you most about this? ❏ Which parts of my first idea are the worst for you? Is there a part that would work for you? ❏ What one thing do you wish you could change about this? ❏ What’s one thing that would make this feel 20% better for you? ❏ On the GAS scale… I’m a 9 about the color (I care A LOT), but a 2 about the timeline. What about you? ❏ Your question: ______________________________________