$30 off During Our Annual Pro Sale. View Details »

Empathy Gives You Superpowers

Empathy Gives You Superpowers

Empathy Gives You Superpowers
(Given at Laracon EU 2015)

Matt Stauffer

August 25, 2015
Tweet

More Decks by Matt Stauffer

Other Decks in Technology

Transcript

  1. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    EMPATHY

    gives you
    superpowers

    View Slide

  2. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    INTRODUCTIONS

    View Slide

  3. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Hi. I’m Matt.

    View Slide

  4. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    … and I’m a jerk.

    View Slide

  5. (awkward pause)

    View Slide

  6. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    You may have heard I’m a nice guy.

    View Slide

  7. View Slide

  8. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    In reality, I'm a

    self-centered, prideful,

    jerk bag.

    View Slide

  9. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

    View Slide

  10. (story time)

    View Slide

  11. View Slide

  12. View Slide

  13. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    ONE THING MISSING:

    View Slide

  14. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    ONE THING MISSING:
    EMPATHY.

    View Slide

  15. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    If you learn one thing this year,
    let it be empathy.

    View Slide

  16. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Empathy will have a greater impact on your future than
    Microservices

    View Slide

  17. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Empathy will have a greater impact on your future than
    Domain-Driven Design

    View Slide

  18. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Empathy will have a greater impact on your future than
    functional programming

    View Slide

  19. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Empathy will have a greater impact on your future than
    laracon & laravel

    View Slide

  20. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Empathy will have a greater impact on your future than
    Beer (!)

    View Slide

  21. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Developers often think that our skill
    should be all that matters.

    View Slide

  22. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    – Paul Graham of Y Combinator
    in Hackers and Painters
    “Empathy is probably the single most
    important difference between a good
    hacker and a great one. Some hackers
    are quite smart, but when it comes to
    empathy are practically solipsists. It’s
    hard for such people to design great
    software, because they can’t see things
    from the user’s point of view.”

    View Slide

  23. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    “Empathy is probably the single most
    important difference between a good
    hacker and a great one. Some hackers
    are quite smart, but when it comes to
    empathy are practically solipsists. It’s
    hard for such people to design great
    software, because they can’t see things
    from the user’s point of view.”
    – Paul Graham of Y Combinator
    in Hackers and Painters
    solipsism: extreme preoccupation with
    and indulgence of one's feelings,
    desires, etc.; egoistic self-absorption.

    View Slide

  24. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    “Empathy is probably the single most
    important difference between a good
    hacker and a great one. Some hackers
    are quite smart, but when it comes to
    empathy are practically solipsists. It’s
    hard for such people to design great
    software, because they can’t see things
    from the user’s point of view.”
    – Paul Graham of Y Combinator
    in Hackers and Painters

    View Slide

  25. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    – C.A.R. Hoare, computer scientist
    “The most important property of a
    program is whether it accomplishes
    the intention of its user.”

    View Slide

  26. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

    View Slide

  27. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    YOU WILL WRITE BETTER
    PROGRAMS WHEN YOU HAVE
    MORE EMPATHY.

    View Slide

  28. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    • Smarter
    • Faster
    • More well-loved
    • More employable
    • A better lover
    Empathy will make you…

    View Slide

  29. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    • Users
    • Clients
    • Employers
    • Employees
    • Colleagues
    • Significant Other
    • The waiter at your favorite restaurant
    Many people will benefit:

    View Slide

  30. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    DEFINING EMPATHY

    View Slide

  31. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    What is empathy, anyway?

    View Slide

  32. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Four attributes of empathy
    • to be able to see the world as others see it
    • to be nonjudgmental
    • to understand another person’s feelings
    • to communicate your understanding of that person’s
    feelings back to them
    Theresa Wiseman, “A concept analysis of empathy”

    http://www.researchgate.net/publication/227941757_A_concept_analysis_of_empathy

    View Slide

  33. Samantha Quiñones, Hacking the Human Interface
    http://www.slideshare.net/samanthaquinonestembies/hacking-the-human-interface-51646360

    View Slide

  34. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Empathy
    is not the same as
    sympathy

    View Slide

  35. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

    View Slide

  36. Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

    View Slide

  37. Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

    View Slide

  38. Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

    View Slide

  39. Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

    View Slide

  40. Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

    View Slide

  41. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Two primary types of empathy
    Affective/Emotional empathy
    A shared emotional response
    Feels like “fluff”
    “I can’t change how I feel!”
    Indi Young, “Practical Empathy”
    Cognitive empathy
    Perspective-taking
    Skill, not inherent
    Can be learned & taught

    View Slide

  42. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Empathy requires

    learning to listen well.

    View Slide

  43. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

    View Slide

  44. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    –Rape crisis center volunteer
    "Once you hear these stories,

    you can't help but become an advocate."

    View Slide

  45. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Empathy at its core is
    reorienting yourself to be in
    line with the other person.

    View Slide

  46. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    “Sounds nice.

    But I don’t even know

    how to empathy.”

    View Slide

  47. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    LEARNING EMPATHY

    View Slide

  48. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    –Helen Riess, Associate Professor of
    Psychiatry at Harvard
    “Empathy is not inherent.
    Empathy is a skill and can be learned.”

    View Slide

  49. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    (Source: Roman Krznaric, “Empathy: A
    Handbook for Revolution”)
    98% of us have the ability to be
    empathic wired into our brains.

    View Slide

  50. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    HOW DO WE BECOME

    MORE EMPATHIC?

    View Slide

  51. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Cultivate curiosity about others

    View Slide

  52. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Roman Krznaric - The Power of Outrospection

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BG46IwVfSu8
    Human Library

    View Slide

  53. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Learn to shut off
    your inner voice.

    View Slide

  54. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Grandpa Mekis

    View Slide

  55. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Source: Marshall Rosenberg in
    “Non-Violent Communication”
    Repeat what the other person
    said before you respond.
    You will resolve conflicts, on
    average, 80% faster.

    View Slide

  56. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

    View Slide

  57. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Matt’s “why the &()@%” rule
    Stop.
    Cool down.
    Every time you find yourself saying,

    “Why the &()@% would this person do this?”…
    Now, ask,

    “Why the &()@% indeed would this person do this?”

    View Slide

  58. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    The 5 Whys
    • When presented with a problem, write it down…
    • Ask why. Write that down…
    • If that answer doesn’t address the root of the problem,
    repeat.
    • Really the 5-ish Whys
    From Toyota/Six Sigma

    View Slide

  59. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    The 5 Whys of Every SaaS
    • The user wants an Excel-like grid of all data. WHY?
    • The user wants to be able to filter out just the users with
    the NEW status. WHY?
    • The users needs to be able to see a list of only the users
    who are new. WHY?
    • The users email these lists of just new people to their
    leadership team. WHY?
    • The leadership team splits up the responsibility of
    calling every new contact at least once.

    View Slide

  60. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Let’s practice together.
    • Senior developer tells you to do ________
    • Employee tells you ________
    • Framework developer does ________
    • Someone on twitter opines ________
    • You come across legacy code that ________
    • Your spouse ________

    View Slide

  61. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    DIFFERENCE AND GROUPS

    View Slide

  62. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    The golden rule good is not enough.

    View Slide

  63. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    (Most) people are

    different from you.

    View Slide

  64. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Piaget’s theories of

    Assimilation & Accommodation
    Kids learning:
    • Dog is furry > Furry things are dogs
    • See a new furry thing. Must be a dog!
    • Nope. That’s a raccoon.

    View Slide

  65. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    @todo scary raccoon

    View Slide

  66. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Grouping doesn’t make you racist.
    But it also doesn’t give you a pass.

    View Slide

  67. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Roman Krznaric: "Empathy Why It Matters & How to Get It"
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN4MRYIoCS0

    View Slide

  68. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

    View Slide

  69. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Snake sex

    View Slide

  70. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Think of others before yourself.

    View Slide

  71. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    I’m just being self-centered.

    View Slide

  72. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Some practical implications
    of developing empathy:

    View Slide

  73. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Your open-source contributions
    will be accepted more.

    View Slide

  74. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

    View Slide

  75. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Your code will be better and future
    developers will love you more.❤

    View Slide

  76. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    – Hal Abelson, Structure and Interpretation of
    Computer Programs
    “Programs must be written for
    people to read, and only incidentally
    for machines to execute.”

    View Slide

  77. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    You will be a better employee.

    View Slide

  78. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    –Stewart Butterfield of Slack
    "One way that empathy manifests itself is courtesy. Respecting
    people’s time is important. Don’t let your colleagues down; if you say
    you’re going to do something, do it. A lot of the standard traits that you
    would look for in any kind of organization come down to courteousness.
    It’s not just about having a veneer of politeness, but actually trying to
    anticipate someone else’s needs and meeting them in advance."

    View Slide

  79. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    You will sound smarter and
    make your teams better.

    View Slide

  80. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    –Indi Young, Practical Empathy
    “When you open your mouth,

    other people's voices will come out.”

    View Slide

  81. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Your clients will love you.

    View Slide

  82. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    –Matt Stauffer (YES ME), Dev Discussions - The
    Business of Development with Tighten
    “We want our clients to hear us
    saying: We hear, understand,
    and often anticipate your needs.
    Whatever goes on… your
    priorities are our priorities.”

    View Slide

  83. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    You’ll make more friends
    on Twitter.

    View Slide

  84. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Your framework will

    become wildly successful.

    View Slide

  85. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    empath

    View Slide

  86. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    You will make people

    feel like they matter.

    View Slide

  87. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    You is kind.
    You is smart.
    You is important.

    View Slide

  88. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    …and help them know

    they’re not alone.

    View Slide

  89. Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

    View Slide

  90. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Pluralism FTW.

    View Slide

  91. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Don’t read the YouTube comments.

    View Slide

  92. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

    View Slide

  93. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Empathy gives you
    superpowers

    View Slide

  94. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Some great articles/podcasts
    • Why Code Design Requires Empathy

    http://spin.atomicobject.com/2013/07/06/code-design-
    empathy/
    • Is empathy on your resume?

    http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/12/business/stewart-
    butterfield-of-slack-experience-with-empathy-
    required.html
    • Dev Discussions - The Business of Development With
    Tighten

    http://www.devdiscussions.com/episodes/6811-episode-4-
    the-business-of-development-with-tighten

    View Slide

  95. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    Some great talks
    • Roman Krznaric - Empathy: Why It Matters & How To Get It

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?
    v=lN4MRYIoCS0&list=PLFPDmaMM5XCuQEyZfgh-
    VMxzxaqsOe4z3&index=15
    • Indi Young - A Practical Type of Empathy

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSs0iB6gxV4
    • Brené Brown - Empathy

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
    • Roman Krznaric - The Power of Outrospection

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BG46IwVfSu8

    View Slide

  96. EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT
    THANK YOU.
    joind.in/15013

    View Slide