marketing-bullshit-2023-digimarcon.pdf

Marketing is simple but not easy. We get caught up in bloated tools and unnecessary processes, then wonder what went wrong. No more. Learn to cut through the bullsh!t and be a better marketer.

Transcript

1. BULL$H1T!
   The short no-shortcut
   guide to marketing
   Ian lurie
   @ianlurie
   Ianlurie.com
   

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2. This is me
   Founder, Portent
   Now a Marketing Consultant
   And semi-professional D&D player
   @ianlurie
   ian@ianlurie.com
   

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3. @ianlurie
   Marketing is full of sh!t
   Provide clarity
   Maximize returns
   Love the data
   

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4. @ianlurie
   

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5. @ianlurie
   Where the bullsH!t starts
   Clarity & Priorities
   a separate, somewhat-
   related rant
   

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6. @ianlurie
   our clients
   are not
   marketers
   and bosses
   

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7. @ianlurie
   marketing
   Their business
   

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8. @ianlurie
   if we make these
   changes, rankings
   will improve.
   

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9. High Medium
   

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10. @ianlurie
    graphs and charts and
    stuff and data shows the exineges
    of the beinges will kerfluffle the
    frim fram of the claptrap pipe
    connectors with a big fat dollop
    of bullshit on top
    

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11. @ianlurie
    Own it
    Provide clarity
    Through data visualization
    

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12. High Medium Low
    Ticketed
    In progress
    Done
    

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14. @ianlurie
    next-level bullsh!t
    transactional marketing
    

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15. @ianlurie
    Send ‘em to the registration form.
    - us
    

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16. @ianlurie
    What we mean
    Make a visitor give us their personal
    information before they get to read
    some soul-sucking whitepaper
    

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17. @ianlurie
    How customers respond
    First name: Screw
    Last name: You
    Phone: 222-333-4444
    Email: leavemealone@foo.com
    

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18. @ianlurie
    Own it
    Maximize
    Return On Time Invested
    

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19. @ianlurie
    Informational transactional
    

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20. @ianlurie
    the first transaction
    happens when the
    customer spends time
    

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21. @ianlurie
    Pay with time Pay with $$
    

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22. Pay with time
    Pay with $$
    Pay with time
    Do i need help?
    Help me out!
    i need help!!!
    You can help?
    Can you help my
    friends?
    

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23. Pay with time
    Pay with $$
    Pay with time
    Ask for the visitor’s time
    Ask for their information (maybe)
    Ask for their $$
    Keep in touch
    Invite them back
    

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24. @ianlurie
    Don’t ask for anything
    until you Provide high
    Return on time invested
    

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25. You’re in your
    garage up to your
    ankles in grease, so
    please buy a
    subscription.
    

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26. Excellent!!!
    

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27. Now ask me for something
    It’s even in context!!!
    

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28. Great information, great ROTI
    Transactional call to action
    

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29. The next step
    

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31. Pure informational
    Visitor invests time
    

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32. Return on time invested?
    Now visitor provides info
    

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34. The freebie
    No registration required
    

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35. In between
    Invest time Invest time
    Invest $$
    Capybara break
    

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36. @ianlurie
    tragic bullsh!t
    Seo as a marketing plan
    

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37. @ianlurie
    We’ll grow using organic search.
    - us
    

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38. @ianlurie
    What we mean
    We’re going to stake our business on a
    trillion-dollar company that frequently
    scratches its bum using our hopes and
    dreams
    

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39. Google giveth… Google taketh…
    

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40. @ianlurie
    Own it
    Maximize channel returns
    Add owned media
    

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41. @ianlurie
    Give me something
    (high roti)
    

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42. @ianlurie
    Then ask
    Grows the house list
    

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43. Remember this?
    

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44. Give me something…
    

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45. …then ask
    

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46. @ianlurie
    And listen.
    

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47. @ianlurie
    total bullsh!t
    Blog posts as an seo strategy
    

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48. @ianlurie
    Shower the web with content!!!!!
    - Actual human
    

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49. @ianlurie
    What we mean
    We’re going to shower the web with crap
    writing, stuff it with keywords, and hope
    no one notices
    

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50. @ianlurie
    The harsh reality
    We know what you’re doing.
    It’s embarrassing.
    

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51. The recipe
    

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52. Random topics
    

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53. Think it’s good for SEO?
    penalty pruned
    

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54. @ianlurie
    Own it
    Digital anthropology
    

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55. Google suggest
    

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56. Social
    

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57. Everywhere
    

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58. @ianlurie
    Own it
    Maximize ROTI
    Treat content as a product
    

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60. Typography & format
    

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61. Practicaltypography.com
    

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62. @ianlurie
    Own it
    Maximize ROTI
    By Asking for less time
    

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63. Squoosh.app
    

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64. 270 kb
    

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65. 135 kb
    

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66. @ianlurie
    aggravating bullsh!t
    The denim pants problem
    (ego)
    

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67. @ianlurie
    We sell denim pants!!!!!
    - anonymous
    

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68. @ianlurie
    What they really mean
    Flickr / Joakim Jardenberg
    

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69. @ianlurie
    Own it
    Provide clarity
    Do a little research
    

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70. Google trends
    

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71. Other search sites
    

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72. Digital anthropology
    

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73. @ianlurie
    Our jeans are great because they’re
    made from high-quality denim.
    

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74. @ianlurie
    Nothing but love
    - me
    

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75. @ianlurie
    moderate bullsh!t
    last-click attribution
    

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76. organic sucks!
    

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77. @ianlurie
    What we mean
    We don’t see many last-click conversions
    

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78. @ianlurie
    Own it
    Love the data
    Look at assists
    

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79. @ianlurie
    

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80. @ianlurie
    

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81. @ianlurie
    This content sucks! It doesn’t convert!!!!
    - us
    

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82. @ianlurie
    What we mean
    We can’t see the whole story
    

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83. @ianlurie
    Own it
    Love the qualitative data
    Look at the paths
    

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85. Transactions
    Informational
    

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87. @ianlurie
    Am I gonna get fired?
    

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88. @ianlurie
    We lose gigs because we say nothing.
    

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89. @ianlurie
    Be calmly relentless
    Provide clarity
    Maximize returns
    Love the data
    

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90. You’ll get to do this…
    

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91. …or this…
    

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92. …or this.
    

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93. @ianlurie
    Totally vegan
    Ian lurie
    Ianlurie.com
    @ianlurie
    

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