Erlang Fight Club

I have no words to describe this.

Transcript

1. @tsantero
   Wednesday, October 2, 13
   

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2. in  the  beginning  it  was  
   called  Prolog,  but  we’ve  
   moved  out  of  the  basements  
   and  now  we  call  it  Erlang
   Wednesday, October 2, 13
   

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3. Ericsson  put  it  on  their  
   switches...now  we  had  
   corporate  sponsorship.
   Wednesday, October 2, 13
   

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4. you are not your job.
   you are not how many processes you have
   on the queue.
   you’re not the contents of your ets table
   you’re not your fucking heap.
   you are the all singing, all dancing
   crap of the beam.
   and you’re going to fail fast.
   Wednesday, October 2, 13
   

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5. 1st Rule
   Wednesday, October 2, 13
   

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6. 1st Rule
   rule1()  -­‐>  ["you  do  not  talk  about  erlang"  |  rule1()].
   Wednesday, October 2, 13
   

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7. 2nd Rule
   Wednesday, October 2, 13
   

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8. 2nd Rule
   rule2()  -­‐>  ["you  DO  NOT  talk  about  erlang"  |  rule2()].
   Wednesday, October 2, 13
   

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9. 3rd Rule
   Wednesday, October 2, 13
   

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10. 3rd Rule
    if  a  process  unexpectedly  quits,
    hangs,  crashes:  you  spawn  a  new  process
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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11. 4th Rule
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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12. 4th Rule
    -­‐export([fight/2]).
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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13. 5th Rule
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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14. 5th Rule
    +sbt
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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15. 6th Rule
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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16. 6th Rule
    Single  Serving  Variables
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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17. 7th Rule
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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18. 7th Rule
    programs  will  run  as  long  as  
    they  have  to
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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19. 8th Rule
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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20. 8th Rule
    if  this  is  your  first  time  
    using  Erlang,  you  have  to  
    write  it.
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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21. this  is  your  net_ticktime,  and  it’s  ending  one  millisecond  at  a  time
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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22. Thanks!
    Wednesday, October 2, 13
    

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