Owning Your Experience - Talking About Mental Health in the Workplace

6f6662ecab8176c54c3ad89ec158842c?s=47 Arthur Doler
January 10, 2020

Owning Your Experience - Talking About Mental Health in the Workplace

6f6662ecab8176c54c3ad89ec158842c?s=128

Arthur Doler

January 10, 2020
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  1. @arthurdoler Arthur Doler Resources: Boring details about me are at

    https://arthurdoler.com http://bit.ly/art-owning-your-experience
  2. @arthurdoler When people ask what I do I always just

    tell them I solve problems
  3. @arthurdoler A portrait of the artist as a doofus

  4. @arthurdoler Communication’s always the hardest part.

  5. @arthurdoler WE THINK WE’RE SEPARATE FROM OUR EMOTIONS Logos vs

    Pathos
  6. @arthurdoler WE THINK WE’RE IN TOTAL CONTROL OF OUR THOUGHTS

    The captain of our own brain-ship.
  7. @arthurdoler We’re trapped in our own heads and the only

    way out is through our mouths
  8. @arthurdoler How your experiences affect you Who is Art? Why

    you should talk about your mental health at work How to talk about that How to overcome roadblocks to talking about it Everybody loves an overview.
  9. @arthurdoler NOTE: THE SITUATIONS HERE ARE HYPOTHETICAL THE ADVICE IS

    REPRESENTATIVE EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT DO NOT ASSUME IT’S THE CORRECT ADVICE I am neither a doctor nor a psychiatrist.
  10. @arthurdoler Cue the 1950s documentary narrator.

  11. @arthurdoler WE CAN’T CONTROL WHAT HAPPENS TO US Source: THE

    ENTIRE WORLD
  12. @arthurdoler CAUSALITY IS COMPLEX AND THE WORLD IS LARGELY OUT

    OF OUR CONTROL See Jenkins and Ward, 1965, for more on the illusion of control
  13. @arthurdoler IT CAME IN LIKE A WREEEECKING BAAAAAALLLLLLL

  14. @arthurdoler Don’t think of an elephant!

  15. @arthurdoler MEASURING THOUGHT-CONTROL FAILURE: SENSORY MECHANISMS AND INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES Kwok,

    Leys, Koenig-Robert, and Pearson, 2019
  16. @arthurdoler “WE FOUND THAT THE AVERAGE THOUGHT- CONTROL-INDEX SCORE WAS

    NOT SIGNIFICANTLY ABOVE ZERO” Kwok, Leys, Koenig-Robert, and Pearson, 2019
  17. @arthurdoler ♪ These are a few of my favorite things…

  18. @arthurdoler EMOTIONS AFFECT HOW WE THINK You ever try doing

    a crossword puzzle while you’re mad?
  19. @arthurdoler Norman, Emotional Design, 2002

  20. @arthurdoler Norman, Emotional Design, 2002

  21. @arthurdoler Norman, Emotional Design, 2002

  22. @arthurdoler Norman, Emotional Design, 2002

  23. @arthurdoler Norman, Emotional Design, 2002

  24. @arthurdoler Like the dentist without a drill but somehow worse?

  25. @arthurdoler A miserable pile of secrets. Have at you!

  26. @arthurdoler An even better question.

  27. @arthurdoler Ignore that both stories were probably TMI

  28. @arthurdoler A comparison of styles

  29. @arthurdoler Nobody has asked me this yet… and lived

  30. @arthurdoler I have had this conversation, or a very similar

    one
  31. @arthurdoler Look quickly, it’s the one technical thing in this

    talk!
  32. @arthurdoler I regret not getting to use the plural of

    locus, which is “loci”
  33. @arthurdoler Look at this totally reasonable but wrong question!

  34. @arthurdoler IT’S ANGRY

  35. @arthurdoler Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition

  36. @arthurdoler Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition

  37. @arthurdoler CULTURAL NORMS CAN AFFECT WHAT’S EVEN CONSIDERED TO BE

    A DIAGNOSIS Bredström, 2019
  38. @arthurdoler Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition

  39. @arthurdoler Not everyone can afford one…

  40. @arthurdoler This is a thing you should definitely tweet, if

    that’s a thing you do. THEY ARE DESCRIPTIVE DIAGNOSES ARE NOT PRESCRIPTIVE
  41. @arthurdoler Basically your experience of living in the world

  42. @arthurdoler Good question, Random Audience Member!

  43. @arthurdoler There’s literally nobody else who knows exactly what it’s

    like to be you
  44. @arthurdoler We have no mouth, yet we must scream

  45. @arthurdoler Orange-flavored cohesion, specifically.

  46. @arthurdoler Dude, you know that’s going to leave a lump.

  47. @arthurdoler Mann & Ferguson, 2015

  48. @arthurdoler Maybe it’s the part where our brain screams at

    us that it’s a bad idea
  49. @arthurdoler A Lack of Good Language Fear Shame Facile Optimism

    A rogue’s gallery of roadblocks
  50. @arthurdoler Finally, something practical

  51. @arthurdoler WE NEED A LITTLE HELP Maybe you‘re Captain Cool,

    but I sure do.
  52. @arthurdoler Can you believe this guy?!

  53. @arthurdoler Two average, nondescript humans of no note

  54. @arthurdoler The most optimistic slide in the whole talk!

  55. @arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 1A Their job involves lifting Nondescript Brown

    Boxes Jordan Asks Taylor for Future Support
  56. @arthurdoler ASKING SCRIPT Okay, here we go…

  57. @arthurdoler “I could really use some support. Can you please

    [helpful action here]?” OR “I don’t know if you knew this, but I deal with (or am having problems with) [a specific kind of experience]. You’ve been helpful to me in the past; would it be okay in the future if ask you to [actionable thing] when [event happens]?” The most awkward mad-libs
  58. @arthurdoler It doesn’t always have to be a Big Deal

    “Hey, I’ve been having a tough time with my mood lately. If you see me starting to isolate myself, can you take me out for a cup of coffee?”
  59. @arthurdoler In a perfect world

  60. @arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 1B Do desktops even need screwdrivers anymore?

    Jordan, in a Critical Moment, Asks Taylor for Support
  61. @arthurdoler Stick figures make terrible time-out signals

  62. @arthurdoler A MOMENT WHEN YOUR NORMAL COPING STRATEGIES NO LONGER

    WORK Like when there’s no wifi so you can’t watch videos of otters playing
  63. @arthurdoler I wish this slide didn’t have to exist.

  64. @arthurdoler “Um, you might not know this but I deal

    with some mood issues… and… I need some help telling which emotions are real right now.” It is scary as hell to be on either side of this conversation
  65. @arthurdoler In a world that is perfect

  66. @arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 2A When was the last time you

    actually saw a stack of paper? Jordan Offers Future Support to Taylor
  67. @arthurdoler OFFERING SCRIPT This one’s simpler…

  68. @arthurdoler “I noticed that [behavioral observation here]. Can we talk

    about it?” THEN “Do you think you could use [action here]? Can I help provide that?” The two-step here is key
  69. @arthurdoler Note the lack of judgement here “Hey, Taylor. I

    noticed that when someone disagrees with you in a meeting you stop talking and shut down, even though you clearly care a lot about what you’re saying. Would you like me to help back you up when that happens?”
  70. @arthurdoler In a world which happens to be perfect

  71. @arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 2B Remember, Taylor’s in charge of whether

    it’s a critical moment or not Taylor is in a Critical Moment and Jordan Offers Support
  72. @arthurdoler You have no idea how much this can help

    somebody. “It seems like you’re going through a rough moment. If you want, I can cover for you if you need to step out.”
  73. @arthurdoler In a perfect place that happens to be a

    world
  74. @arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 3 Perspective-giving, if you will Taylor Explaining

    Their Experience to Jordan
  75. @arthurdoler EXPLANATION SCRIPT Little more complex but almost the last

    one
  76. @arthurdoler “When [event happens], I [sometimes, often, always] feel like

    [insert feelings here]. To [cope, deal] with that, I [insert behavior here].” Try this with your significant other, too
  77. @arthurdoler Season with detail to your level of comfort “When

    I’m in a meeting and someone asks me a question, my brain freezes and all I can think about is what happens if I screw up and answer incorrectly. To cope with that, I spend time before the meeting obsessing over all the things people could ask me, so I’m not very responsive.”
  78. @arthurdoler In a perfect world that is also a world

    and that is also perfect
  79. @arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 4 Ramping up the difficulty now… Taylor

    Checking In with Jordan
  80. @arthurdoler CHECK-IN SCRIPT The simplest script…

  81. @arthurdoler “Hey, how are you doing?” …almost painfully simple

  82. @arthurdoler The difficulty is overwhelming “Good morning, Jordan. How’re you

    feeling today?”
  83. @arthurdoler Help I’m running out of perfect worlds

  84. @arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 5 The absolute hardest conversation Jordan and

    Taylor Talking Like Normal Humans
  85. @arthurdoler “I possess no mandibles or chitin-based appendages.” “It is!

    Since I am also clearly a human, I too enjoy those things, as well as making pleasant conversation through my mouth-parts.” “Hello fellow human! It is a good day to enjoy things like oxygen and carbon, is it not?”
  86. @arthurdoler Brother can you spare a perfect world

  87. @arthurdoler Bringing someone coffee is always an act of compassion.

  88. @arthurdoler Seriously, screw that guy.

  89. @arthurdoler THEN DON’T! It really is that simple.

  90. @arthurdoler WITH EMPHASIS.

  91. @arthurdoler A Lack of Good Language Fear Shame Facile Optimism

    A rogue’s gallery of roadblocks
  92. @arthurdoler Choreographing the battles in our heads

  93. @arthurdoler Combat those big words with Swords

  94. @arthurdoler Can’t fault you for not knowing a term I

    made up
  95. @arthurdoler MINIMIZING YOUR EXPERIENCE TO MAINTAIN A SENSE OF CONTROL

    OVER IT Like collectable car models!
  96. @arthurdoler Surprisingly hard to find direwolf repellant

  97. @arthurdoler The direwolf’s probably tired too, they’re not persistence hunters

  98. @arthurdoler I’ll let you know if I ever win this

    one
  99. @arthurdoler Because I’m a jerk, that’s why.

  100. @arthurdoler I live and die by checklists.

  101. @arthurdoler WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TELL IF SOMETHING HAPPENS?

    Definitely not Steve.
  102. @arthurdoler CAN YOU WORK WITH THEM TO SET UP A

    PLAN FOR HOW YOU’LL TELL THEM? Be clear, explicit, and do it in writing
  103. @arthurdoler WHAT HABITS CAN YOU FORM THAT WILL HELP YOU

    IF SOMETHING HAPPENS? Still looking for the silver bullet
  104. @arthurdoler MAKE THE TIME TO FIND THE MENTAL SPACE TO

    HAVE THE CONVERSATION It’s really, really easy to put off.
  105. @arthurdoler A very long uphill climb

  106. @arthurdoler TIME FOR SOME ARTTRUTH™. You have to pay me

    $5 if you use this, that’s how trademark works, I hear
  107. @arthurdoler IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING WITH YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES… No matter

    what they are or if someone says they’re diagnosable or not…
  108. @arthurdoler No matter what anyone else says.

  109. @arthurdoler No matter what anyone else says.

  110. @arthurdoler Keep repeating it over and over through gritted teeth

  111. @arthurdoler ALSO, SEEK SUPPORT FROM THOSE YOU ALREADY TRUST Wherever

    you can find them.
  112. @arthurdoler Let’s play with some anxieties!

  113. @arthurdoler A reasonable worry.

  114. @arthurdoler BEING HONEST AND VULNERABLE IMPROVES TRUST Daniel Coyle, 2018

  115. @arthurdoler This is a super awkward conversation, fwiw

  116. @arthurdoler This is a side-effect of stigma, btw

  117. @arthurdoler If you’re not hearing H. Jon Benjamin in your

    head, I can’t help you
  118. @arthurdoler SET UP A COMMUNICATION PLAN TO TELL THEM WHEN

    IT GETS TO BE TOO MUCH Something more coherent than just screaming alone in your cube
  119. @arthurdoler … what.

  120. @arthurdoler It is unreal that this happens

  121. @arthurdoler It’s gonna take a lot of axes.

  122. @arthurdoler OR GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN Seek

    external support in the meantime
  123. @arthurdoler Anxious thoughts reaching a fever-pitch here

  124. @arthurdoler AGAIN, USE YOUR BEST JUDGEMENT. ONLY YOU CAN MAKE

    THE CALL IF THIS IS SAFE. Insert lazy Marathon Man reference here
  125. @arthurdoler YOU’RE RELYING ON YOUR COMPANY’S HR DEPARTMENT TO BE

    IN YOUR CORNER I’m not denigrating wherever you work, just … reality sucks.
  126. @arthurdoler Le Ballon Rouge if you’re classy

  127. @arthurdoler The first steps to a lifetime of talking about

    your brain
  128. @arthurdoler IS THERE ANYTHING BIG GOING ON RIGHT NOW, OR

    ANYTHING LIKELY TO HAPPEN IN THE NEAR FUTURE? Check the crystal ball for next Tuesday
  129. @arthurdoler SET UP YOUR PLANS FOR IF AND WHEN SOMETHING

    HAPPENS Write them down somewhere.
  130. @arthurdoler START LISTENING CLOSELY TO YOUR TEAM TO SEE IF

    IT’S SAFE TO SHARE Just … don’t be creepy about it
  131. @arthurdoler BRING UP THE IDEA OF SHARING FEELINGS WITH YOUR

    TEAM I do not recommend singing “Feelings” at them though
  132. @arthurdoler We’re in the home stretch, just hold on…

  133. @arthurdoler YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR EMOTIONS AFFECT YOUR WORK They

    affect your whole life, really, but this is the salient part
  134. @arthurdoler BEING ABLE TO DISCUSS YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH YOUR COWORKERS

    IS IMPORTANT TO YOUR TEAM’S RESILIENCE You can’t manage what you can’t see.
  135. @arthurdoler ENABLE THESE DISCUSSIONS BY: •Using experiential language •Being descriptive,

    not prescriptive •Being compassionate •Recognizing that just because you know for one person doesn’t mean you know for everyone Important safety tips
  136. @arthurdoler YOU CAN AVOID THE PROBLEMS OF FACILE OPTIMISM BY

    DEVELOPING PLANS BEFOREHAND Always Be Prepared, as the motto goes
  137. @arthurdoler YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR FEAR The OSMI slogan

  138. @arthurdoler OWN YOUR EXPERIENCE. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED

    OF. Even if every part of you is screaming that you do.
  139. @arthurdoler This friggin’ guy!!!!

  140. @arthurdoler Arthur Doler My website is probably still https://arthurdoler.com Resources:

    http://bit.ly/art-owning-your-experience