Owning Your Experience - Talking About Mental Health in the Workplace

@arthurdoler Arthur Doler Resources: Boring details about me are at
https://arthurdoler.com https://bit.ly/art-owning-experience

@arthurdoler When people ask what I do I always just
tell them I solve problems

@arthurdoler A portrait of the artist as a doofus

@arthurdoler Communication’s always the hardest part.

@arthurdoler WE THINK WE’RE SEPARATE FROM OUR EMOTIONS logos vs
pathos

@arthurdoler WE THINK WE’RE IN TOTAL CONTROL OF OUR THOUGHTS
The captain of our own brain-ship.

@arthurdoler We’re trapped in our own heads and the only
way out is through our mouths

@arthurdoler How your experiences affect you Who is Art? Why
you should talk about your mental health at work How to talk about that How to overcome roadblocks to talking about it Everybody loves an overview.

@arthurdoler NOTE: THE SITUATIONS HERE ARE HYPOTHETICAL THE ADVICE IS
REPRESENTATIVE EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT DO NOT ASSUME IT’S THE CORRECT ADVICE I am neither a doctor nor a psychiatrist.

@arthurdoler Cue the 1950s documentary narrator.

@arthurdoler WE CAN’T CONTROL WHAT HAPPENS TO US Source: THE
ENTIRE WORLD

@arthurdoler CAUSALITY IS COMPLEX AND THE WORLD IS LARGELY OUT
OF OUR CONTROL See Jenkins and Ward, 1965, for more on the illusion of control

@arthurdoler IT CAME IN LIKE A WREEEECKING BAAAAAALLLLLLL

@arthurdoler Don’t think of an elephant!

@arthurdoler MEASURING THOUGHT-CONTROL FAILURE: SENSORY MECHANISMS AND INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES Kwok,
Leys, Koenig-Robert, and Pearson, 2019

@arthurdoler “WE FOUND THAT THE AVERAGE THOUGHT-CONTROL-INDEX SCORE WAS NOT
SIGNIFICANTLY ABOVE ZERO” Kwok, Leys, Koenig-Robert, and Pearson, 2019

@arthurdoler ♪ These are a few of my favorite things…

@arthurdoler EMOTIONS AFFECT HOW WE THINK You ever try doing
a crossword puzzle while you’re mad?

@arthurdoler Norman, Emotional Design, 2002

@arthurdoler Like the dentist without a drill but somehow worse?

@arthurdoler A miserable pile of secrets. Have at you!

@arthurdoler An even better question.

@arthurdoler Ignore that both stories were probably TMI

@arthurdoler A comparison of styles

@arthurdoler Nobody has asked me this yet… and lived

@arthurdoler I have had this conversation, or a very similar
one

@arthurdoler Look quickly, it’s the one technical thing in this
talk!

@arthurdoler I regret not getting to use the plural of
locus, which is “loci”

@arthurdoler Look at this totally reasonable but wrong question!

@arthurdoler IT’S ANGRY

@arthurdoler SOME ADHD CRITERIA Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders, 5th Edition

@arthurdoler Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition

@arthurdoler CULTURAL NORMS CAN AFFECT WHAT’S EVEN CONSIDERED TO BE
A DIAGNOSIS Bredström, 2019

@arthurdoler Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition

@arthurdoler Not everyone can afford one…

@arthurdoler DIAGNOSES ARE NOT PRESCRIPTIVE THEY ARE DESCRIPTIVE This is
a thing you should definitely tweet, if that’s a thing you do.

@arthurdoler Basically your experience of living in the world

@arthurdoler Good question, Random Audience Member!

@arthurdoler There’s literally nobody else who knows exactly what it’s
like to be you

@arthurdoler We have no mouth, yet we must scream

@arthurdoler Orange-flavored cohesion, specifically.

@arthurdoler Dude, you know that’s going to leave a lump.

@arthurdoler Mann & Ferguson, 2015

@arthurdoler Maybe it’s the part where our brain screams at
us that it’s a bad idea

@arthurdoler A Lack of Good Language Fear Shame Facile Optimism
A rogue’s gallery of roadblocks

@arthurdoler Finally, something practical

@arthurdoler WE NEED A LITTLE HELP Or at least some
guidelines

@arthurdoler Can you believe this guy?!

@arthurdoler Two average, nondescript humans of no note

@arthurdoler The most optimistic slide in the whole talk!

@arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 1A Their job involves lifting Nondescript Brown
Boxes Jordan Asks Taylor for Future Support

@arthurdoler ASKING SCRIPT Okay, here we go…

@arthurdoler “I could really use some support. Can you please
[helpful action here]?” OR “I don’t know if you knew this, but I deal with (or am having problems with) [a specific kind of experience]. You’ve been helpful to me in the past; would it be okay in the future if ask you to [actionable thing] when [event happens]?” The most awkward mad-libs

@arthurdoler “Hey, I’ve been having a tough time with my
mood lately. If you see me starting to isolate myself, can you take me out for a cup of coffee?” It doesn’t always have to be a Big Deal

@arthurdoler In a perfect world

@arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 1B Do desktop computers even need screwdrivers
anymore? Jordan, in a Critical Moment, Asks Taylor for Support

@arthurdoler Stick figures make terrible time-out signals

@arthurdoler A MOMENT WHEN YOUR NORMAL COPING STRATEGIES NO LONGER
WORK Like when there’s no wi-fi so you can’t watch videos of otters playing

@arthurdoler I wish this slide didn’t have to exist.

@arthurdoler TYPE 1B EXAMPLE “Um, you might not know this
but I deal with some mood issues… and… I need some help telling which emotions are real right now.” It is scary as hell to be on either side of this conversation

@arthurdoler In a world that is perfect

@arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 2A When was the last time you
actually saw a stack of paper? Jordan Offers Future Support to Taylor

@arthurdoler OFFERING SCRIPT This one’s simpler…

@arthurdoler “I noticed that [behavioral observation here]. Can we talk
about it?” THEN “Do you think you could use [action here]? Can I help provide that?” The two-step here is key

@arthurdoler “Hey, Taylor. I noticed that when someone disagrees with
you in a meeting you stop talking and shut down, even though you clearly care a lot about what you’re saying. Would you like me to help back you up when that happens?” Note the lack of judgement here

@arthurdoler In a world which happens to be perfect

@arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 2B Remember, Taylor’s in charge of whether
it’s a critical moment or not Taylor is in a Critical Moment and Jordan Offers Support

@arthurdoler “It seems like you’re going through a rough moment.
If you want, I can cover for you if you need to step out.” You have no idea how much this can help somebody.

@arthurdoler In a perfect place that happens to be a
world

@arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 3 Perspective-giving, if you will Taylor Explaining
Their Experience to Jordan

@arthurdoler EXPLANATION SCRIPT Little more complex but almost the last
one

@arthurdoler “When [event happens], I [sometimes, often, always] feel like
[insert feelings here]. To [cope, deal] with that, I [insert behavior here].” Try this with your significant other, too

@arthurdoler “When I’m in a meeting and someone asks me
a question, my brain freezes and all I can think about is what happens if I screw up and answer incorrectly. To cope with that, I spend time before the meeting obsessing over all the things people could ask me, so I’m not very responsive.” Season with detail to your level of comfort

@arthurdoler In a perfect world that is also a world
and that is also perfect

@arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 4 Ramping up the difficulty now… Taylor
Checking In with Jordan

@arthurdoler CHECK-IN SCRIPT The simplest script…

@arthurdoler “Hey, how are you doing?” …almost painfully simple

@arthurdoler “Good morning, Jordan. How’re you feeling today?” The difficulty
is overwhelming

@arthurdoler Help I’m running out of perfect worlds

@arthurdoler CONVERSATION TYPE 5 The absolute hardest conversation Jordan and
Taylor Talking Like Normal Humans

@arthurdoler “Hello fellow human! It is a good day to
enjoy things like oxygen and carbon, is it not?” “It is! Since I am also clearly a human, I too enjoy those things, as well as making pleasant conversation through my mouth-parts.” “I possess no mandibles or chitin-based appendages.”

@arthurdoler Brother can you spare a perfect world

@arthurdoler Bringing someone coffee is always an act of compassion.

@arthurdoler Seriously, screw that guy.

@arthurdoler THEN DON’T! It really is that simple.

@arthurdoler WITH EMPHASIS.

@arthurdoler A Lack of Good Language Fear Shame Facile Optimism
A rogue’s gallery of roadblocks

@arthurdoler Choreographing the battles in our heads

@arthurdoler Combat those big words with Swords

@arthurdoler Can’t fault you for not knowing a term I
made up

@arthurdoler MINIMIZING YOUR EXPERIENCE TO MAINTAIN A SENSE OF CONTROL
OVER IT Like collectable car models!

@arthurdoler Surprisingly hard to find direwolf repellant

@arthurdoler The direwolf’s probably tired too, they’re not persistence hunters

@arthurdoler I’ll let you know if I ever win this
one

@arthurdoler Because I’m a jerk, that’s why.

@arthurdoler Look up Wellness Recovery Action Plans for more on
this

@arthurdoler WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TELL IF SOMETHING HAPPENS?
Definitely not Steve.

@arthurdoler CAN YOU WORK WITH THEM TO SET UP A
PLAN FOR HOW YOU’LL TELL THEM? Be clear, explicit, and do it in writing.

@arthurdoler WHAT HABITS CAN YOU FORM THAT WILL HELP YOU
IF SOMETHING HAPPENS? Still looking for the silver bullet

@arthurdoler MAKE THE TIME TO FIND THE MENTAL SPACE TO
HAVE THE CONVERSATION It’s really, really easy to put off.

@arthurdoler A very long uphill climb

@arthurdoler TIME FOR SOME ARTTRUTH™. You have to pay me
$5 if you use this, that’s how trademark works, I hear

@arthurdoler IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING WITH YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES… No matter
what they are or if someone says they’re diagnosable or not…

@arthurdoler No matter what anyone else says.

@arthurdoler Keep repeating it over and over through gritted teeth

@arthurdoler ALSO, SEEK SUPPORT FROM THOSE YOU ALREADY TRUST Wherever
you can find them.

@arthurdoler Let’s play with some anxieties!

@arthurdoler A reasonable worry.

@arthurdoler BEING HONEST AND VULNERABLE IMPROVES TRUST Daniel Coyle, 2018

@arthurdoler This is a super awkward conversation, fwiw

@arthurdoler This is a side-effect of stigma, btw

@arthurdoler If you’re not hearing H. Jon Benjamin in your
head, I can’t help you

@arthurdoler SET UP A COMMUNICATION PLAN TO TELL THEM WHEN
IT GETS TO BE TOO MUCH Something more coherent than just screaming alone in your cube

@arthurdoler … what.

@arthurdoler It is unreal that this happens

@arthurdoler It’s gonna take a lot of axes.

@arthurdoler OR GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN Seek
external support in the meantime

@arthurdoler Anxious thoughts reaching a fever-pitch here

@arthurdoler AGAIN, USE YOUR BEST JUDGEMENT. ONLY YOU CAN MAKE
THE CALL IF THIS IS SAFE. Insert lazy Marathon Man reference here

@arthurdoler YOU’RE RELYING ON YOUR COMPANY’S HR DEPARTMENT TO BE
IN YOUR CORNER I’m not denigrating wherever you work, just … reality sucks.

@arthurdoler Le Ballon Rouge if you’re classy

@arthurdoler The first steps to a lifetime of talking about
your brain

@arthurdoler IS THERE ANYTHING BIG GOING ON RIGHT NOW, OR
ANYTHING LIKELY TO HAPPEN IN THE NEAR FUTURE? Check the crystal ball for next Tuesday

@arthurdoler SET UP YOUR PLANS FOR IF AND WHEN SOMETHING
HAPPENS Write them down somewhere.

@arthurdoler START LISTENING CLOSELY TO YOUR TEAM TO SEE IF
IT’S SAFE TO SHARE Just … don’t be creepy about it

@arthurdoler BRING UP THE IDEA OF SHARING FEELINGS WITH YOUR
TEAM I do not recommend singing “Feelings” at them though

@arthurdoler We’re in the home stretch, just hold on…

@arthurdoler YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR EMOTIONS AFFECT YOUR WORK They
affect your whole life, really, but this is the salient part

@arthurdoler BEING ABLE TO DISCUSS YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH YOUR COWORKERS
IS IMPORTANT TO YOUR TEAM’S RESILIENCE You can’t manage what you can’t see.

@arthurdoler ENABLE THESE DISCUSSIONS BY: •Using experiential language •Being descriptive,
not prescriptive •Being compassionate •Recognizing that just because you know for one person doesn’t mean you know for everyone Important safety tips

@arthurdoler YOU CAN AVOID THE PROBLEMS OF FACILE OPTIMISM BY
DEVELOPING PLANS BEFOREHAND Always Be Prepared, as the motto goes

@arthurdoler YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR FEAR The OSMH slogan

@arthurdoler OWN YOUR EXPERIENCE. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED
OF. Even if every part of you is screaming that you do.

@arthurdoler This friggin’ guy!!!!

@arthurdoler Arthur Doler My website is probably still https://arthurdoler.com Resources:
https://bit.ly/art-owning-experience

@arthurdoler Online for now because Obvious Reasons meetup.com/Omaha-Mental-Health-User-Group @oma_mhug

Owning Your Experience - Talking About Mental H...

Owning Your Experience - Talking About Mental Health in the Workplace

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