Bethany Community Church "Help Me Love Series"

May 24, 2017

Transcript

1. Healthy Married Sex: Sexual Intimacy Laura Wade Shirley, MA, LMHC Doug Shirley, EdD, MDiv, LMHC
2. “Tell me how you make love, and I’ll tell you how you were loved.” ~Esther Perel “If you want to have better sex, pray more.” ~Dan Allender
3. “I am beautiful.” Song of Songs, 1: 5, 6
4. DESIRE
5. “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” Matthew 5:37
6. “Sex has yet to come to women.” ~Esther Perel The importance of the feminine (Song of Songs) We are the bride of Christ…
7. COME AS YOU ARE ~EMILY NAGOSKI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HILY0wWBlBM
8. The impact of harm and abuse… SHAME
9. SHAME & WORTH “The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity” (Brene Brown, in Rising Strong, p. 82). 9
10. Shame •  Psychology’s stepchild (Karen, 1992). •  A master emotion, and a profoundly social phenomenon (Scheff, 2003). •  Represents a loss of social status, either feared or perceived (Orth et al., 2010). •  A portal through which other affects can be opened, and a “blanket that covers” other emotions (Danielian & Gianotti, 2012, p. 180). •  Social “alarm” (Sluzki, 2013), “warning signal” (Matos et al., 2013). •  Breaking of “interpersonal bridges” (Kaufman, 1974). •  Shame is “an organizing affective process in men’s development” (Krugman, 1995, p. 636). •  Shame signature (Krugman, 1995). 10
11. SECURITY < ------- > NOVELTY Sexual Safety
12. COMFORT IS NOT CONVENIENCE!
13. Relational Health Calling Out Protection
14. Self-consciousness is the death knell of desire! The role of accusation…
15. Who’s in your bedroom?! Hebrews 12
16. Vulnerability = the antidote to shame Brene Brown
17. CREATIVITY & IMAGINATION Healing occurs through…
18. IS GOD GOOD?! Sex is a call and response to this question.
19. Process over outcome. Willingness over ability. Practical suggestions (Schnarch handout)