do not appear feminine – “The Big Wheel”: respect comes through achievement – “The Sturdy Oak”: do not show weakness – “Give ‘em Hell”: seek adventure and risk, and use violence if need be
with household duties – Confusion of provision with protection – Conflicting images of masculinity (no “double shift” yet) – Fear of the feminine (affection, horseplay) – Belief that mothers matter more than fathers (attachment theory) – Contending with “gatekeeping” mothers – No transitional time/space https://www.gottman.com/blog/featured-blogger-dr-jessica-michaelson/
the best he can do (Brown, Rising Strong, 2015). • 2. Figure out his language around help-seeking, and seek to use it rather than your own. • 3. “Pet” him! Remember he was taught to (over)inflate his ego. Seek out predictability. • 4. Catch him in the good. • 5. Talk to the kids (so he can hear) about how important and loved Daddy is.
but make sure to “strike while the iron is cold.” • 7. “Correct” him separately from the child(ren). Call out, don’t gatekeep. • 8. Watch for emotional flooding (vulnerability): defensiveness is a cue. • 9. Encourage him to connect with friends, especially others who are dads (loneliness, touch). • 10. Remember that sex is never just about sex.
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