Hacking Your Emotional API - NERD Summit

Feelings are messy and uncomfortable, so why can't you just ignore them? Because emotional skills are critical for getting ahead in today's world, even in tech.

You wouldn't think that technology could teach us a lot about emotions, but the right metaphor unites these opposites:

In this talk you’ll learn how emotions are affecting you by modeling them as an API and looking at the code.

Transcript

1. Hacking Your Emotional APIv2.9.5
   

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2. @emotionalAPI
   John Sawers
   Engineering Manager at Privia Health
   @emotionalapi
   @johnksawers
   http://emotionalapi.com
   he/his/him
   

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3. “Emotions just make so much sense to me”
   — No One Ever
   

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4. @emotionalAPI
   • Cry
   • Make a Scene
   • Whine
   • Yell
   Don’t
   

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5. @emotionalAPI
   Do
   •
   •
   •
   •
   

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6. @emotionalAPI
   We’re on our own
   

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7. Endpoints
   @emotionalAPI
   

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8. Middleware
   @emotionalAPI
   delete /job/12
   put /events/mother/visit
   put /baby/new
   post /people/co-worker/insult
   get /people/boss/compliment
   /feels/sadness
   /feels/anger
   /feels/fear
   /feels/anger
   /feels/pride
   Senses
   Wetware
   Inputs
   

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9. Middleware
   @emotionalAPI
   delete /job/12
   put /events/mother/visit
   put /baby/new
   post /people/co-worker/insult
   get /people/boss/compliment
   /feels/love
   /feels/anger
   /feels/fear
   /feels/shame
   /feels/pride
   Senses
   Wetware
   Inputs
   

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10. Methods
    delete '/job/:id'
    100.times do
    Thread.new(post('/feels/fear')
    end
    20.times do
    Thread.new(post('/feels/sadness')
    end
    end
    @emotionalAPI
    

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11. @emotionalAPI
    A Public API
    The Bad News
    

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12. Decomposability
    @emotionalAPI
    

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13. “But feelings are icky, and I don’t wanna”
    — You, probably
    

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14. “Trying not to feel something
    doesn’t work, and in some cases
    even backfires”
    David Rock
    Your Brain At Work[11]
    

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15. @emotionalAPI
    Coding Solo
    

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16. @emotionalAPI
    Cognitive Problems
    

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17. @emotionalAPI
    Cognitive Problems
    • Poorer Executive Function [1]
    

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18. @emotionalAPI
    Cognitive Problems
    • Poorer Executive Function [1]
    • Poorer Short Term Memory [2]
    

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19. @emotionalAPI
    Cognitive Problems
    • Poorer Executive Function [1]
    • Poorer Short Term Memory [2]
    • Lower ability to handle stress and cope with crisis [3]
    

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20. @emotionalAPI
    Cognitive & Health Benefits
    • “…not just in improved behavior but in measurable academic
    achievement.”[5]
    • “…measurable health advantage”[9]
    

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21. @emotionalAPI
    Coding Together
    

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22. @emotionalAPI
    Cognitive & Social Benefits
    • “Subjects made to feel powerful judged emotional expression
    more accurately.”[7]
    

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23. @emotionalAPI
    Cognitive & Social Benefits
    • “Subjects made to feel powerful judged emotional expression
    more accurately.”[7]
    • Better career advancement[8]
    

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24. @emotionalAPI
    Cognitive & Social Benefits
    • “Subjects made to feel powerful judged emotional expression
    more accurately.”[7]
    • Better career advancement[8]
    • Less self-centered [4]
    • Empathy!
    

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25. @emotionalAPI
    "It wasn't enough to merely be a good engineer at
    Valve. If you were a good engineer with zero
    communication skills your chances at surviving and
    thriving when I was there were pretty low. If you
    acted like an asshole and didn't have many friends it
    didn't matter how good you were or how awesome
    your accomplishments were. People like this would
    be fired sooner or later."
    - Rich Geldreich
    https://richg42.blogspot.com/2017/09/things-learned-while-running-your-own.html
    

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26. Scenarios
    

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27. @emotionalAPI
    Degraded Cognition
    

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28. @emotionalAPI
    Advocate for Ideas
    

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29. @emotionalAPI
    Code Reviews
    

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30. @emotionalAPI
    Distraction
    

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31. @emotionalAPI
    Problematic Teammates
    

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32. @emotionalAPI
    Impostor Syndrome
    

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33. @emotionalAPI
    Interviewed, Hired, Fired
    

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34. @emotionalAPI
    Manage & Mentor
    

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35. http://frontside.io/
    Senior
    Software
    Developer
    

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36. Toolkit
    

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37. @emotionalAPI
    Level 1: Conceptual Tools
    Level 2: On Your Own
    Level 3: With Someone Else
    Level 4: With a Group
    

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38. @emotionalAPI
    Level 1
    Conceptual Tools
    

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39. @emotionalAPI
    You Control The Implementation
    

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40. @emotionalAPI
    You can control where and
    when you express your feelings
    (But you don’t have to)
    

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41. @emotionalAPI
    get('/feels/anger').perform_later
    

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42. @emotionalAPI
    They Don’t Mean Anything
    

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43. @emotionalAPI
    Fear of Loss of Control
    

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44. @emotionalAPI
    Feelings are Enumerable, not
    Boolean
    Anger
    Disgust
    Shame
    

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45. @emotionalAPI
    There Is No Should
    

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46. @emotionalAPI
    Emotional Debt
    

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47. @emotionalAPI
    “Even if it feels bad, it’s ok to let it feel
    bad. Eventually you’ll stop feeling bad
    because feelings just don’t last very long”
    Amy Cuddy
    Presence[13]
    

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48. @emotionalAPI
    Level 2
    On Your Own
    

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49. @emotionalAPI
    Move Your Body
    

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50. @emotionalAPI
    Move Your Body
    Dancing • Singing • Exercise
    

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51. @emotionalAPI
    Rubber
    Duck
    Debugging
    

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52. @emotionalAPI
    “…consciously recognizing
    the emotions reduced their
    impact.”
    David Rock
    Your Brain At Work[10]
    

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53. @emotionalAPI
    Yup, talking
    

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54. @emotionalAPI
    The Feel Wheel[12]
    

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55. @emotionalAPI
    “I feel” vs. “I am”
    

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56. @emotionalAPI
    Emotional
    Retro
    

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57. @emotionalAPI
    Level 3
    With Another Person
    

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58. @emotionalAPI
    Again, Talking
    

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59. @emotionalAPI
    Feel first
    

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60. @emotionalAPI
    Bring In A Consultant
    

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61. @emotionalAPI
    Level 4
    With A Group
    

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62. @emotionalAPI
    How did I get here?
    “…an intensive 20-hr Weekend Retreat in which you will
    explore your erroneous belief systems, learn to
    appropriately express emotions in a manner that heals…”
    Purpose • Passion • Peace
    http://aliceamos.me/p3retreat/
    

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63. GET /feels/
    

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64. @emotionalAPI
    Me
    

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65. @emotionalAPI
    GET '/events/something/trivial'
    ⬇
    POST ‘/feels/anger'
    

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66. @emotionalAPI
    Do
    

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67. @emotionalAPI
    Safe Space
    

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68. @emotionalAPI
    Throw A Fit
    

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69. @emotionalAPI
    Throw A Fit
    

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70. GET /feels/
    

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71. @emotionalAPI
    delete /v5/parents/marriage
    post /v6/parents/:dad_id/set_emotional_distance/1000
    post /v8/parents/:dad_id/diseases/cancer
    delete /v17/parents/:dad_id
    

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72. @emotionalAPI
    /v5
    delete /v5/parents/marriage do
    20.times.do {
    Thread.new(get('/feels/fear'))
    Thread.new(get('/feels/sadness'))
    Thread.new(get('/feels/blame'))
    }
    delete('/feels/self_worth')
    end
    

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73. @emotionalAPI
    /v8
    post /v8/parents/:dad_id/diseases/cancer do
    20.times.do {
    Thread.new(delete('/v5/parents/marriage'))
    Thread.new(get('/feels/fear'))
    Thread.new(get('/feels/sadness'))
    }
    end
    

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74. @emotionalAPI
    /v17
    def /v17/parents/:dad_id do
    1000.times.do {
    Thread.new(post('/v8/parents/:dad_id/diseases/cancer'))
    Thread.new(delete('/v5/parents/marriage'))
    Thread.new(get('/feels/anger'))
    Thread.new(get('/feels/sadness'))
    }
    end
    

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75. @emotionalAPI
    Narrator: It did not blow over
    

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76. @emotionalAPI
    Stack Trace
    NoMethodError - undefined method `paternal_approval’ for BossClass:
    /me/feels/panic.rb:9:in `initialize'
    /me/feels/love/daddy:14:in `none_for_you’
    /me/feels/fear/mistake/guaranteed_to_be_fired:21:in `realize_mistake’
    /me/events/releases/prod/bug_count/metrics.rb:39:in `count_bugs’
    

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77. @emotionalAPI
    Stack Trace
    NoMethodError - undefined method `paternal_approval’ for BossClass:
    /me/feels/panic.rb:9:in `initialize'
    /me/feels/love/daddy:14:in `none_for_you’
    /me/feels/fear/mistake/guaranteed_to_be_fired:21:in `realize_mistake’
    /me/events/releases/prod/bug_count/metrics.rb:39:in `count_bugs’
    

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78. “Crying doesn’t indicate you are
    weak, since birth it has always
    been a sign to indicate you are
    alive”
    — attributed to Charlotte Brontë
    

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79. @emotionalAPI
    /v17
    def /v17/parents/:dad_id do
    1000.times.do {
    Thread.new(post('/v8/parents/:dad_id/diseases/cancer'))
    Thread.new(delete('/v5/parents/marriage'))
    Thread.new(get('/feels/anger'))
    Thread.new(get('/feels/sadness'))
    }
    end
    

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80. @emotionalAPI
    Diff
    def /v17/parents/:dad_id do
    1000.times.do {
    500.times.do {
    Thread.new(post('/v8/parents/:dad_id/diseases/cancer'))
    Thread.new(delete('/v5/parents/marriage'))
    Thread.new(get('/feels/anger'))
    Thread.new(get('/feels/sadness'))
    }
    end
    

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81. @emotionalAPI
    Diff
    get /me/events/releases/prod/bugs/count_high do
    Thread.new(get('/feels/unloved'))
    Thread.new(get('/feels/panic'))
    puts 'oops'
    fix_it
    move_on
    end
    

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82. @emotionalAPI
    Baggage
    

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83. @emotionalAPI
    The Ultimate Goal
    

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84. Soft Skills
    Super Hard Skills
    

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85. @emotionalAPI
    Best Practices
    

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86. @emotionalAPI
    Pick One Thing
    

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87. @emotionalAPI
    Compassion
    

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88. DEEP BREATH
    

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89. @emotionalAPI
    Thank You So Much
    Slides: https://speakerdeck.com/johnksawers/hacking-your-emotional-api-nerd-summit
    Videos: http://emotionalapi.com
    Twitter: @emotionalAPI
    DM me on twitter & I will mail you a feel wheel!
    

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90. @emotionalAPI
    http://bit.ly/emotional-api-signup
    Join the email list for a copy of the Quick Reference
    

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91. @emotionalAPI
    References
    [1],[2] “…a lack of power impairs our cognitive function.’ Amy Cuddy, Presence 119
    [3] “In fact, people who have a high sense of personal control…cope significantly better in crisis…because their executive
    functions are intact” Amy Cuddy, Presence, 136
    [4] “Powerlessness makes us self-absorbed” Amy Cuddy, Presence 121
    [5] “Helping children improve their self-awareness and confidence, manage their disturbing emotional impulses and increase
    their empathy pays off not just in improved behavior but in measurable academic achievement.” — Daniel Goleman,
    Emotional Intelligence xi
    [6] “The [people who feel] powerful process information more abstractly, integrating information to extract the gist, detecting
    patterns and relationships” Smith, P.K., Dijkterhuis, A, & Wigbuldus, D.H. Psychology Science, 19, 1258-1259
    [7] “Subjects made to feel powerful judged emotional expression more accurately.” Amy Cuddy, Presence 127
    [8] “…having high leadership potential were far stronger in EI competencies…” Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence xiii
    [9] “Those who can mange their emotional lives with more calm and self-awareness … have … distinct and measurable
    health advantage … confirmed by many studies” Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence xi
    [10] “…when they were asked to name the emotion, the ventrolateral prefrontal cortex activated and reduced the emotional
    amygdala reactivity. In other words, consciously recognizing the emotions reduced their impact.” David Rock, Your Brain At
    Work 127
    [11] Gross found that people who tried to suppress a negative emotional experience failed to do so. While they thought they
    looked fine outwardly, inwardly their limbic system was just as aroused as without suppression. Trying not to feel something
    doesn’t work, and in some cases even backfires. David Rock, Your Brain At Work 119
    [12] The Feeling Wheel http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/036215378201200411
    

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