Motherhood and Technical Leadership

Thoughts on "Having it All". Pointers to possible pitfalls and suggestions on how to conquer them.

Transcript

1. Cynthia Maxwell Director of Engineering Having it All: 
 How to be the perfect mom and executive
3. So…you want to start a family?
4. Success is not a given Waiting for “the right time” in your career could work against you.
5. http://marinfertilitycenter.com/new-getting-started/infertility-basics/ Age Pregnancy rate per month Miscarriage rate Down syndrome risk 25 - 35 25 - 30% 10% 1/900 35 20% 25% 1/300 37 15% 30% 1/200 40 10% 40% 1/100 45 5% 50% 1/50 50 1% 60% 1/10
6. Infertility happens
7. FREEZE YOUR EGGS! Have it all hack #1
8. How will this impact my career?
9. Being Pregnant at Work Sucks
10. Hormones suck Even if you have a complication-free pregnancy, hormones will impact you and how you relate at work (even more so if you are doing IVF).
11. Morning sickness sucks “Morning” sickness and more serious complications can impact your ability to work too.
12. Bedrest sucks Complications could cause you to need to take off work sooner than planned.
13. Miscarriages happen Even young and healthy women experience this. Most companies have no idea how to handle this.
14. Leaving work is scary Even if you have the most supportive workplace, a team that can survive when you are away would make anyone anxious about their job security.
15. Bad shit happens Everyone knows someone who has had something bad happen to them when they go on leave.
17. Coming back is scary Feeling sleep deprived, coming back to mountains of email, possibly new people/projects at work, and feeling totally out of the loop.
18. Postpartum depression Feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and depressed while trying to be present at work. https://hbr.org/2018/09/what-managers-should-know-about-postpartum-depression
19. Pumping milk Breastfeeding moms are slicing and dicing their days. Pumping through lunch and hoping this meeting doesn’t run long. Oh god please don't let me leak milk! http://jessicashortall.com/work-pump-repeat
20. After work events Networking and social bonding get harder when you are rushing home to get kids fed, bathed and in bed.
21. The Pay Gap Studies have shown that when you have a baby has an impact on your career trajectory and earning potential. It said that in order to close the pay gap you should have your first child before 25 or after 35… but wait… https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/09/upshot/the-10-year-baby-window-that-is-the-key-to-the-womens-pay-gap.html
22. http://marinfertilitycenter.com/new-getting-started/infertility-basics/ Age Pregnancy rate per month Miscarriage rate Down syndrome risk 25 - 35 25 - 30% 10% 1/900 35 20% 25% 1/300 37 15% 30% 1/200 40 10% 40% 1/100 45 5% 50% 1/50 50 1% 60% 1/10
23. FREEZE YOUR EGGS! Have it all hack #1
24. The “mommy track” People will “act in your best interest”. https://hbr.org/2014/12/rethink-what-you-know-about-high-achieving-women
25. Women don’t talk about it Talking about family makes you seem soft. Even giving a talk like this is taboo.
26. Conversations to have with your boss when you tell them you are pregnant • This is what I want out of my career, i.e. don’t make assumptions for me about what I will and won’t do after baby
27. Conversations to have with your boss before you take maternity leave • Who you would like to manage what parts of your role and how • When I am out on leave I expect to be informed about these sorts of issues • When I am out on leave you can contact me at these times using this channel
28. How will this impact my child?
29. Childcare From au pairs, to nannies, to daycare, finding and affording care is a big deal. Even worse for women who are away from home. 
 Maternity leave sucks in the US. This is where many women leave STEM careers. England - 52 weeks, 39 weeks paid
 Canada - 52 weeks, 35 weeks paid
 USA - 12 weeks job protection, no guaranteed pay 
 (if you’ve been working in your job for a year and your employer has more than 50 employees within 75 miles of where you work)
31. It’s good for kids to see a mom with a profession Even if it’s not perfect.
32. You can pause your career “Taking some time to be with your family” doesn’t have to be a bad thing! Not a euphemism for getting fired! Have it all hack #2
33. How will this impact me?
34. Free time isn’t free Bye-bye, weekend and evening projects! Any time to yourself you have to pay for (or negotiate with a partner, if there is one).
35. Having it all doesn’t have to mean doing it all Sometimes spending money to get your time back is absolutely worth it for the balance it brings — even if it seems expensive. Have it all hack #3
36. Conversations to have with your partner 
 (if there is one) • Who will do most of the child care/how will it be divided? • Ultimately, whose career is more important (for now)? i.e., if the kid is sick, has to make the sacrifice and deal with it? • Beyond just childcare…who does what, and when? You can’t assume
37. “The most important career decision you’re going to make is whether or not you have a life partner and who that partner is.” Lisa Jackson, Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency Have it all hack #4
38. Changes in you Coping with the aftermath on your body and mind.
39. Questions to ask yourself • What are my priorities? • Am I with a partner that supports me in these? (if you choose to have one) • Am I with a company that supports me in these? (if you choose to have one)
40. Becoming a mom does have an impact… but that can also be good for you Have it all hack #5
41. Cynthia Maxwell Director of Engineering Having it All: 
 How to be the perfect mom and executive an okay what works
42. Thank you and good luck!
43. Additional reading https://www.cnbc.com/2019/03/15/american-mothers-have-it-the-worst-compared-to-other-countries-here-how-they-can-stay-mentally-strong.html https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/ https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/voices/infertility-and-the-leaky-pipeline/ https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/06/15/business/pregnancy-discrimination.html?mtrref=www.nytimes.com https://www2.census.gov/ces/wp/2017/CES-WP-17-68.pdf https://hbr.org/2018/11/how-our-careers-affect-our-children https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/07/business/michelle-obama-women-having-it-all.html https://hbr.org/2018/09/how-companies-can-ensure-maternity-leave-doesnt-hurt-womens-careers https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/07/the-having-it-all-debate-convinced-me-to-stop-saying-having-it-all/259284/ https://qz.com/work/1373353/work-life-balance-is-an-unhealthy-myth/ https://hbr.org/2019/03/when-returning-to-work-new-parents-should-focus-on-3-things https://www.theatlantic.com/debates/women-workplace/