Lies

All abstractions are lies, if they are abstractions at all, and as developers, we live our lives surrounded by them. What makes a some abstractions better than others? This will be an opinionated and empowering look at the value and nature of abstractions, with a jaunt through quantum mechanics and the nature of reality.

You know, just your average talk.

Transcript

1. LIES ERNIE MILLER erniemiller https://ernie.io
6. #!/usr/bin/perl # Print the text of "99 Bottles of Beer" ''=~( '(?{' .('`' |'%') .('[' ^'-') .('`' |'!') .('`' |',') .'"'. '\\$' .'==' .('[' ^'+') .('`' |'/') .('[' ^'+') .'||' .(';' &'=') .(';' &'=') .';-' .'-'. '\\$' .'=;' .('[' ^'(') .('[' ^'.') .('`' |'"') .('!' ^'+') .'_\\{' .'(\\$' .';=('. '\\$=|' ."\|".( '`'^'.' ).(('`')| '/').').' .'\\"'.+( '{'^'['). ('`'|'"') .('`'|'/' ).('['^'/') .('['^'/'). ('`'|',').( '`'|('%')). '\\".\\"'.( '['^('(')). '\\"'.('['^ '#').'!!--' .'\\$=.\\"' .('{'^'['). ('`'|'/').( '`'|"\&").( '{'^"\[").( '`'|"\"").( '`'|"\%").( '`'|"\%").( '['^(')')). '\\").\\"'. ('{'^'[').( '`'|"\/").( '`'|"\.").( '{'^"\[").( '['^"\/").( '`'|"\(").( '`'|"\%").( '{'^"\[").( '['^"\,").( '`'|"\!").( '`'|"\,").( '`'|(',')). '\\"\\}'.+( '['^"\+").( '['^"\)").( '`'|"\)").( '`'|"\.").( '['^('/')). '+_,\\",'.( '{'^('[')). ('\\$;!').( '!'^"\+").( '{'^"\/").( '`'|"\!").( '`'|"\+").( '`'|"\%").( '{'^"\[").( '`'|"\/").( '`'|"\.").( '`'|"\%").( '{'^"\[").( '`'|"\$").( '`'|"\/").( '['^"\,").( '`'|('.')). ','.(('{')^ '[').("\["^ '+').("\`"| '!').("\["^ '(').("\["^ '(').("\{"^ '[').("\`"| ')').("\["^ '/').("\{"^ '[').("\`"| '!').("\["^ ')').("\`"| '/').("\["^ '.').("\`"| '.').("\`"| '$')."\,".( '!'^('+')). '\\",_,\\"' .'!'.("\!"^ '+').("\!"^ '+').'\\"'. ('['^',').( '`'|"\(").( '`'|"\)").( '`'|"\,").( '`'|('%')). '++\\$="})' );$:=('.')^ '~';$~='@'| '(';$^=')'^ '[';$/='`';
12. LOOK, THIS COULD ALL GO HORRIBLY WRONG. Me, in the proposal for “Choices” HOW (NOT) TO WEASEL YOUR WAY OUT OF A CONFERENCE SLOT
15. THE RIGHT TECH FEELS LIKE A CHEAT CODE.
16. NBD.
17. VBD!
18. ESTIMATES
19. a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth, a falsehood. LIE noun
20. ⛏➡➡❓
21. ❓➡⛏➡
22. ) ❗
23. ) ❗ ❗ ❗
32. Hash trees can be used to verify any kind of data stored, handled and transferred in and between computers. “ — Wikipedia, "Merkle Tree"
33. […] make sure that data blocks received from other peers in a peer-to-peer network are received undamaged and unaltered, and even to check that the other peers do not lie and send fake blocks. “ — Wikipedia, "Merkle Tree"
34. git rebase
35. git commit --fixup git rebase --interactive git rebase --autosquash git commit --amend git add --interactive
38. git push --force
39. ABSTRACTION
41. you are here.
42. OPINIONS
43. OPINIONS
44. FEELINGS♥
45. FEELINGS♥ ARE HARD
46. FEELINGS ARE HARD
47. SCIENCE
48. QUANTUM MECHANICS
53. CHRISTIAAN HUYGENS 1629 - 1695
54. 1643 - 1727 ISAAC NEWTON
55. 1773 - 1829 THOMAS YOUNG
58. The experiments I am about to relate […] may be repeated with great ease, whenever the sun shines, and without any other apparatus than is at hand to every one. “ — Thomas Young, November 1803
60. circa 460 BC - 370 BC DEMOCRITUS
63. 1856 - 1940 J. J. THOMPSON
64. 1856 - 1940 J. J. THOMPSON
67. 1879 - 1955 ALBERT EINSTEIN
68. Told you so.
75. 1901 - 1976 WERNER HEISENBERG 1885 - 1962 NIELS BOHR
80. 1887 - 1961 ERWIN SCHRÖDINGER
81. 1887 - 1961 ERWIN SCHRÖDINGER
82. Left to right: Albert Einstein, Boris Podolsky, and Nathan Rosen.
83. CORRECT, BUT NOT COMPLETE.
84. Flickr: Apionid
 CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
87. 1930 - 1982 HUGH EVERETT III
89. Dear Schrödinger: You are the only contemporary physicist, besides Laue, who sees that one cannot get around the assumption of reality, if only one is honest. “ — Einstein, December 22nd, 1950
91. ESTIMATES
96. http://simulation-argument.com/simulation.pdf
105. IGNORANCE IS BLISS.
106. ABSTRACTION
107. FEELINGS WARNING! AHEAD ⚠
108. TRUTH
109. TRUTH
110. TRUTH
111. SUSPENSION
 OF DISBELIEF
112. SUSPENSION
 OF DISBELIEF
114. class Person attr_reader :name def initialize(name) @name = name end end
120. CSS HTML JS State
121. ❓
122. ❓ ☔
123. ‼ ☔
124. ♥
126. ⚠
127. ⚠ %section.container %h1= post.title %h2= post.subtitle .content = post.content
128. ⚠
129. ⚠ $font-stack: Helvetica, sans-serif $primary-color: #333 body font: 100% $font-stack color: $primary-color
130. ⚠
131. ⚠ number = 42 opposite = true number = -42 if opposite square = (x) -> x * x list = [1, 2, 3, 4, 5] math = root: Math.sqrt square: square cube: (x) -> x * square x
132. State
133. ERB State
134. ERB c State
135. ERB c State
136. ERB c State
140. Chrome iOS
147. BUILDING A STATEFUL APPLICATION ON THE BACK OF A STATELESS PROTOCOL IS A TOTALLY REASONABLE PLAN. Many, many liars. Including me. NOPE.
149. ERB c Processes
151. PROCESSES
152. PROCESSES Wikimedia: Jdcollins13 - CC-BY-SA 3.0
153. CHAT PRESENTATION USER USER USER USER HTTP USER USER USER USER Elixir JS/React
154. CHAT PRESENTATION USER USER USER USER HTTP USER USER USER USER Ruby JS/React Guild Guild Guild
155. CHAT PRESENTATION USER USER USER USER HTTP USER USER USER USER Ruby JS/React Guild Guild Guild ????
156. ERNIE MILLER erniemiller https://ernie.io LIES
157. ERNIE MILLER erniemiller https://ernie.io IGNORANCE IS BLISS.