Teaching Without Fear

Transcript

3. Our culture gives us a lot of messages about how to deal with fear. "Feel the fear and do it anyway." "The only thing to fear is fear itself." "Do one thing every day that scares you." These often don't work very well. The reason they don't work is that they are missing something: the purpose of the fear. What we are taught about fear doesn’t work.
5. Fear is a primal system in our body that warns us about danger. Everything in our body is wired to pay attention to fear. This is what kept our species alive for millions of years. There is a huge amount of energy inside fear. Trying to suppress it is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. Fear has a purpose.
7. Fear is not a random signal: your nervous system is firing for some reason. It's trying to tell you something. Feelings are like a phone that will just keep ringing until you answer it. The good news is that when you learn how to answer it, the phone will stop ringing. Fear is a message.
9. We often spend years trying to move forward, all the while engaged in an inner struggle with ourselves. Telling ourselves it's silly to be afraid, that we are irrational, that there is no reason for it...these do not change the fear. But there is a way to change it. Struggling to suppress fear is draining.
11. The change in our relationship to fear starts with being loving and kind to ourselves. Imagine a child. If they were afraid, would you criticize them for feeling that way? Would you dismiss their feelings or ignore them? Or would you try to find a way to help them feel safe? Which approach would calm their fear? You can be on friendly terms with your fear.
13. Last week I needed something from the basement. When I flipped the light switch, I discovered the light was burned out. It's pretty familiar territory, so I thought I would just feel my way down in the dark. But I barely took one step when my body said, "NOPE!". My body was sending me a message about my need for safety. Fear is always a message. Our bodies send us these messages all the time, but we often ignore them because we don’t understand their purpose. Fear has vital information for us.
15. When my body told me it was afraid of the dark steps, I didn't tell myself, "You shouldn't be afraid". I didn't try to "tough it out". I listened to my body. I got a flashlight. And I got on with my day. Simple. Your fears around teaching can be addressed with this same simplicity. The needs under the fear are often pretty simple.
17. Here are some more common fears and doubts people have when they start teaching: • What right do I have to teach? • There is already so much good stuff out there, who needs mine? • Can I really make a living at this? • I don't know what I'm doing! • What if people think I'm weird? • What if I give people bad advice and they blame me? • Why would anyone care what I have to say? • I can’t always practice what I preach, am I a hypocrite? You’re not alone in being afraid--we all are.
19. These voices are telling you about your needs. That is all they are for. They aren’t right or wrong, good or bad...they mean nothing other than that you have needs that aren’t being met. Once you understand the needs, you can find simple ways to meet those needs - like I found a flashlight to meet my need for safety on the dark steps. Once the need is met, the fear has done its job and it will recede. A telephone that is answered will not keep ringing. Knowing your needs lets you address them.
21. The fear voice above is one of mine. I have a hard time feeling confident charging money for what I create. This fear voice could represent different needs depending on the person. I've listed some likely possibilities of needs that could be underneath this fear. I have a longer list of needs at JoyNinja.com. These needs are universal--we all have them. Anytime you feel afraid, you can know that you have a need that billions of other humans share. Let’s do an example.
23. For me, this voice is primarily about contribution and integrity. I want to feel confident that people are learning something, and I don't want to promise miracles that I can't deliver. Knowing that, I can take action. I can solicit feedback from lots of people, so I have real information that my work is helpful. And I can write my marketing in a way that is honest and not overblown. The fear voice is advocating for me to meet my needs. It has an indirect way of saying it--but we can learn to translate. Feeling -> Need -> Action
25. Now try it for yourself. I have a list of Universal Human Needs at JoyNinja.com. Use this to identify what needs your fears are advocating for. Then, brainstorm some simple, small ways you can meet these needs. Make the actions specific and do-able. Have fun! Addressing your needs will transform any fear.