How to ask good questions

Transcript

1. @talraviv
   talraviv.org
   how to
   ask good
   questions
   

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2. @talraviv
   talraviv.org
   I’ve always been “that guy”
   

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3. @talraviv
   talraviv.org
   and they’ve always been called “Tal questions”
   

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4. @talraviv
   talraviv.org
   (def: dumb questions that
   are [mostly] appreciated)
   

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5. @talraviv
   talraviv.org
   as a five year old watching
   the mechanic fix the family car
   

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6. @talraviv
   talraviv.org
   as a five year old watching
   the mechanic fix the family car
   throughout 12 years of school
   

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7. @talraviv
   talraviv.org
   as a five year old watching
   the mechanic fix the family car
   throughout 12 years of school
   certainly in college
   

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8. @talraviv
   talraviv.org
   as a five year old watching
   the mechanic fix the family car
   throughout 12 years of school
   certainly in college
   in work meetings
   

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9. @talraviv
   talraviv.org
   as a five year old watching
   the mechanic fix the family car
   throughout 12 years of school
   certainly in college
   in work meetings
   while getting taught things
   

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10. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    as a five year old watching
    the mechanic fix the family car
    throughout 12 years of school
    certainly in college
    in work meetings
    while getting taught things
    and at the doctor’s office
    

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11. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    I ask a lot of dumb questions
    

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12. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    like, a lot
    

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13. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    good
    questions
    are healthy
    

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14. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    good questions are the
    

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15. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    tire kicks
    good questions are the
    

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16. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    tire kicks
    stress test
    good questions are the
    

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17. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    tire kicks
    stress test
    inoculation
    good questions are the
    

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18. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    tire kicks
    stress test
    inoculation
    sunlight
    good questions are the
    

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19. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    tire kicks
    stress test
    inoculation
    sunlight
    chaos monkey*
    good questions are the
    

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20. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    tire kicks
    stress test
    inoculation
    sunlight
    chaos monkey*
    of knowledge
    good questions are the
    

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21. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    tire kicks
    stress test
    inoculation
    sunlight
    chaos monkey*
    of knowledge
    good questions are the
    *A great tech term I learned: it’s software that breaks your
    infrastructure on purpose to find problems early
    

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22. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    good questions are the
    

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23. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    blenders
    good questions are the
    

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24. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    blenders
    stirrers
    good questions are the
    

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25. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    blenders
    stirrers
    cross pollinators
    good questions are the
    

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26. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    blenders
    stirrers
    cross pollinators
    shakers
    good questions are the
    

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27. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    blenders
    stirrers
    cross pollinators
    shakers
    mattocks*
    good questions are the
    

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28. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    blenders
    stirrers
    cross pollinators
    shakers
    mattocks*
    of communication
    good questions are the
    

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29. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    blenders
    stirrers
    cross pollinators
    shakers
    mattocks*
    of communication
    good questions are the
    *Like a plough or a tiller but really basic and for hard soil. Thanks Wikipedia!
    

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30. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    systems and people that
    dont like questions
    

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31. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    are likely insecure
    systems and people that
    dont like questions
    

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32. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    are likely insecure
    are pretty fragile
    systems and people that
    dont like questions
    

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33. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    are likely insecure
    are pretty fragile
    are hiding something
    systems and people that
    dont like questions
    

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34. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    are likely insecure
    are pretty fragile
    are hiding something
    are at their edge
    systems and people that
    dont like questions
    

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35. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    are likely insecure
    are pretty fragile
    are hiding something
    are at their edge
    won’t last long-term
    systems and people that
    dont like questions
    

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36. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    are likely insecure
    are pretty fragile
    are hiding something
    are at their edge
    won’t last long-term
    are unfair or unhealthy
    systems and people that
    dont like questions
    

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37. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    are likely insecure
    are pretty fragile
    are hiding something
    are at their edge
    won’t last long-term
    are unfair or unhealthy
    think about that teacher, religion, social
    context, organization, institution, practice,
    leader etc. that didn’t like questions
    systems and people that
    dont like questions
    

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38. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    i got really lucky
    

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39. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    my dad
    my mom
    my best friends
    my culture
    my professors
    my bosses
    i got really lucky
    

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40. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    my dad
    my mom
    my best friends
    my culture
    my professors
    my bosses
    [for the most part] were delighted
    when I asked questions
    i got really lucky
    

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41. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    so
    

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42. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    how to
    ask good
    questions
    

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43. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    it’s three things you already know how to do:
    

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44. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    be dumb
    it’s three things you already know how to do:
    

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45. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    be dumb
    be dumb out loud
    it’s three things you already know how to do:
    

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46. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    be dumb
    be dumb out loud
    be dumb kindly
    it’s three things you already know how to do:
    

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47. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    we all know how to do these
    

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48. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    we all know how to do these
    and they’re still hard work
    

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49. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    be
    dumb
    

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50. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    play it in your head
    

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51. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    put yourself in the person’s shoes
    play it in your head
    

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52. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    put yourself in the person’s shoes
    imagine the system working
    play it in your head
    

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53. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    put yourself in the person’s shoes
    imagine the system working
    visualize it happening
    play it in your head
    

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54. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    put yourself in the person’s shoes
    imagine the system working
    visualize it happening
    build a mental model
    play it in your head
    

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55. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    put yourself in the person’s shoes
    imagine the system working
    visualize it happening
    build a mental model
    …is that hard to do? Good!
    play it in your head
    

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56. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    feel frustrated
    

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57. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    why doesn’t it connect?
    feel frustrated
    

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58. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    why doesn’t it connect?
    what feels blurry?
    feel frustrated
    

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59. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    why doesn’t it connect?
    what feels blurry?
    are there missing puzzle pieces?
    feel frustrated
    

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60. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    why doesn’t it connect?
    what feels blurry?
    are there missing puzzle pieces?
    is there a term you don’t understand?
    feel frustrated
    

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61. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    why doesn’t it connect?
    what feels blurry?
    are there missing puzzle pieces?
    is there a term you don’t understand?
    is there a missing “why”
    feel frustrated
    

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62. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    the more effort you put into trying to really
    wrap your head around something,
    the more gaps you’ll notice
    

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63. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    how often does this process happen?
    feel frustrated
    

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64. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    how often does this process happen?
    how many people are there?
    feel frustrated
    

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65. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    how often does this process happen?
    how many people are there?
    what isn’t important here?
    feel frustrated
    

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66. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    how often does this process happen?
    how many people are there?
    what isn’t important here?
    what if this didn’t take place?
    feel frustrated
    

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67. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    how often does this process happen?
    how many people are there?
    what isn’t important here?
    what if this didn’t take place?
    how do they get that number?
    feel frustrated
    

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68. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    pay attention to any
    “black boxes” or assumptions
    let them bother you
    

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69. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    feel frustrated
    what does that acronym mean?
    

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70. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    feel frustrated
    what does that acronym mean?
    how do we even know that??
    

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71. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    feel frustrated
    what does that acronym mean?
    how do we even know that??
    that’s a big list, what’s the main driver?
    

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72. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    feel frustrated
    what does that acronym mean?
    how do we even know that??
    that’s a big list, what’s the main driver?
    why is that fact a given?
    

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73. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    feel frustrated
    what does that acronym mean?
    how do we even know that??
    that’s a big list, what’s the main driver?
    why is that fact a given?
    where did that constraint come from?
    

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74. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    feel frustrated
    what does that acronym mean?
    how do we even know that??
    that’s a big list, what’s the main driver?
    why is that fact a given?
    where did that constraint come from?
    why doesn’t it add up in my brain????
    

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75. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    “frustration with a mental model”
    is also known as “curiosity”
    

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76. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    notice that frustration!
    

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77. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    don’t let go of the gaps!
    

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78. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    and then,
    

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79. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    be
    dumb
    

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80. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    part of asking good questions
    

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81. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    part of asking good questions
    is asking them
    

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82. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    being dumb out loud is scary
    

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83. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    being dumb out loud is scary
    what if everyone else already knows the
    answer?
    

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84. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    say everyone else
    already knows
    

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85. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    then why are you different?
    say everyone else
    already knows
    

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86. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    then why are you different?
    are you new?
    say everyone else
    already knows
    

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87. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    then why are you different?
    are you new?
    are you there to collaborate?
    say everyone else
    already knows
    

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88. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    then why are you different?
    are you new?
    are you there to collaborate?
    are you there to learn?
    say everyone else
    already knows
    

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89. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    then why are you different?
    are you new?
    are you there to collaborate?
    are you there to learn?
    …there’s probably a legit reason!
    say everyone else
    already knows
    

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90. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    …if it’s a legit reason,
    say everyone else
    already knows
    

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91. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    …if it’s a legit reason,
    good people will appreciate you
    say everyone else
    already knows
    

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92. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    …if it’s a legit reason,
    good people will appreciate you
    it means you care
    say everyone else
    already knows
    

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93. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    …if it’s a legit reason,
    good people will appreciate you
    it means you care
    it means you listen
    say everyone else
    already knows
    

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94. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    …if it’s a legit reason,
    good people will appreciate you
    it means you care
    it means you listen
    it means they trust you to speak up
    say everyone else
    already knows
    

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95. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    now what if no one
    else knows either
    

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96. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    now what if no one
    else knows either
    is it a fledgling idea?
    

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97. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    now what if no one
    else knows either
    is it a fledgling idea?
    is it being communicated vaguely?
    

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98. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    now what if no one
    else knows either
    is it a fledgling idea?
    is it being communicated vaguely?
    are first principles unclear?
    

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99. @talraviv
    talraviv.org
    now what if no one
    else knows either
    is it a fledgling idea?
    is it being communicated vaguely?
    are first principles unclear?
    are they taking facts for granted?
    

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100. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     now what if no one
     else knows either
     is it a fledgling idea?
     is it being communicated vaguely?
     are first principles unclear?
     are they taking facts for granted?
     …they’ll appreciate you asked!
     

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101. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     if people around you aren’t asking questions
     

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102. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     if people around you aren’t asking questions
     it’s either because they’re not trying to
     understand
     

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103. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     if people around you aren’t asking questions
     it’s either because they’re not trying to
     understand
     or they are, and they’re not saying anything
     

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104. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     it’s become a point of pride for me
     to ask my dumb questions
     

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105. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     it’s become a point of pride for me
     to ask my dumb questions
     and if people laugh,
     something’s wrong with them not me
     

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106. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     it’s become a point of pride for me
     to ask my dumb questions
     and if people laugh,
     something’s wrong with them not me
     (good people don’t laugh at dumb questions)
     

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107. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     This is easier said than done
     I’m lucky to have this behavior positively
     reinforced [for the most part]
     

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108. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     but think about it:
     

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109. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     confident experienced
     people ask
     dumb questions
     

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110. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     confident experienced
     people ask
     dumb questions
     have you noticed how the people who’ve been
     around for the longest are the ones that ask
     the simplest dumbest questions?
     

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111. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     confident experienced
     people ask
     dumb questions
     have you noticed how the people who’ve been
     around for the longest are the ones that ask
     the simplest dumbest questions?
     FYI: If you ask dumb simple questions,
     they’ll appreciate and trust you more
     

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112. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     though, one last thing,
     

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113. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     be
     dumb
     kindly
     

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114. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     the problem with asking dumb questions
     is that dumb questions cut deep
     

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115. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     people may feel like
     youre attacking them
     

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116. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     questioning their competence
     people may feel like
     youre attacking them
     

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117. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     questioning their competence
     cross examining their testimony
     people may feel like
     youre attacking them
     

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118. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     questioning their competence
     cross examining their testimony
     arm wrestling them
     people may feel like
     youre attacking them
     

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119. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     I’ve definitely felt this way
     and I’ve definitely made others feel this way
     

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120. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     it doesn’t matter what your intentions are
     it doesn’t help in the moment
     

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121. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     so
     

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122. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     how can you add energy
     with your questions
     

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123. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     have a good relationship
     [okay, duh, so barring that…]
     how can you add energy
     with your questions
     

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124. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     have a good relationship
     [okay, duh, so barring that…]
     make it clear you trust they know their stuff
     how can you add energy
     with your questions
     

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125. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     have a good relationship
     [okay, duh, so barring that…]
     make it clear you trust they know their stuff
     make it clear the problem is in your brain
     not their brain
     how can you add energy
     with your questions
     

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126. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     “I want to make sure I am following you…”
     “I may have missed this part…”
     “I’m new to this so I don’t understand…”
     “I’m not an expert here at all…”
     make it about your brain
     not their brain
     

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127. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     those are just tactics though
     

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128. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     you gotta genuinely believe
     the gaps are in your brain, not theirs
     

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129. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     “Generous listening is powered by curiosity, a virtue we
     can invite and nurture in ourselves to render it
     instinctive.
     It involves a kind of vulnerability— a willingness to be
     surprised, to let go of assumptions and take in ambiguity.
     The listener wants to understand the humanity behind
     the words of the other, and patiently summons one’s own
     best self and one’s own best words and questions.”
     Krista Tippett
     

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130. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     so before we go
     some clarifications
     

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131. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     questions
     that arent
     good
     

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132. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     devil’s advocate questions that focus on
     “why this won’t work”
     (instead of asking how it can)
     be dumb doesnt mean
     

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133. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     devil’s advocate questions that focus on
     “why this won’t work”
     (instead of asking how it can)
     questions that hold “lack of perfection”
     against an idea
     (instead of focusing on what matters)
     be dumb doesnt mean
     

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134. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     trying to catch people in inconsistencies or
     contradictions, prosecutor style
     be dumb doesnt mean
     

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135. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     trying to catch people in inconsistencies or
     contradictions, prosecutor style
     “why” questions that unravel things
     too far back to be useful, four year old style
     be dumb doesnt mean
     

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136. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     “[W]e trade mostly in answers— competing
     answers— and in questions that corner, incite,
     or entertain. In journalism we have a love
     affair with the ‘tough’ question, which is
     often an assumption masked as an inquiry
     and looking for a fight.
     

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137. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     “[W]e trade mostly in answers— competing
     answers— and in questions that corner, incite,
     or entertain. In journalism we have a love
     affair with the ‘tough’ question, which is
     often an assumption masked as an inquiry
     and looking for a fight.
     …
     My only measure of the strength of a question
     now is in the honesty and eloquence it elicits.”
     Krista Tippett
     

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138. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     out loud doesnt mean
     taking up other’s time with your questions
     

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139. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     out loud doesnt mean
     taking up other’s time with your questions
     holding things up if you don’t get an answer
     

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140. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     kindly doesnt mean
     overly careful and apologetic
     

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141. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     kindly doesnt mean
     overly careful and apologetic
     so indirect that it’s hard to follow
     

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142. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     kindly doesnt mean
     overly careful and apologetic
     so indirect that it’s hard to follow
     (working on the west coast, I have to ask people
     to say things again, simpler)
     

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143. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     you get it
     

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144. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     so
     

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145. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     ask
     good
     questions
     

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146. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     be dumb
     

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147. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     be dumb
     be dumb out loud
     

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148. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     be dumb
     be dumb out loud
     be dumb kindly
     

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149. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     be the
     

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150. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     that’s it!
     

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151. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     kindly
     

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152. @talraviv
     talraviv.org
     talraviv.org
     

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