How to ask good questions

@talraviv talraviv.org how to ask good questions

@talraviv talraviv.org I’ve always been “that guy”

@talraviv talraviv.org and they’ve always been called “Tal questions”

@talraviv talraviv.org (def: dumb questions that are [mostly] appreciated)

@talraviv talraviv.org as a five year old watching the mechanic
fix the family car

fix the family car throughout 12 years of school

fix the family car throughout 12 years of school certainly in college

fix the family car throughout 12 years of school certainly in college in work meetings

fix the family car throughout 12 years of school certainly in college in work meetings while getting taught things

fix the family car throughout 12 years of school certainly in college in work meetings while getting taught things and at the doctor’s office

@talraviv talraviv.org I ask a lot of dumb questions

@talraviv talraviv.org like, a lot

@talraviv talraviv.org good questions are healthy

@talraviv talraviv.org good questions are the

@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks good questions are the

@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks stress test good questions are the

@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks stress test inoculation good questions are
the

@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks stress test inoculation sunlight good questions
are the

@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks stress test inoculation sunlight chaos monkey*
good questions are the

of knowledge good questions are the

of knowledge good questions are the *A great tech term I learned: it’s software that breaks your infrastructure on purpose to find problems early

@talraviv talraviv.org good questions are the

@talraviv talraviv.org blenders good questions are the

@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers good questions are the

@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers cross pollinators good questions are the

@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers cross pollinators shakers good questions are
the

@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers cross pollinators shakers mattocks* good questions
are the

@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers cross pollinators shakers mattocks* of communication
good questions are the

@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers cross pollinators shakers mattocks* of communication
good questions are the *Like a plough or a tiller but really basic and for hard soil. Thanks Wikipedia!

@talraviv talraviv.org systems and people that dont like questions

@talraviv talraviv.org are likely insecure systems and people that dont
like questions

@talraviv talraviv.org are likely insecure are pretty fragile systems and
people that dont like questions

@talraviv talraviv.org are likely insecure are pretty fragile are hiding
something systems and people that dont like questions

something are at their edge systems and people that dont like questions

something are at their edge won’t last long-term systems and people that dont like questions

something are at their edge won’t last long-term are unfair or unhealthy systems and people that dont like questions

something are at their edge won’t last long-term are unfair or unhealthy think about that teacher, religion, social context, organization, institution, practice, leader etc. that didn’t like questions systems and people that dont like questions

@talraviv talraviv.org i got really lucky

@talraviv talraviv.org my dad my mom my best friends my
culture my professors my bosses i got really lucky

@talraviv talraviv.org my dad my mom my best friends my
culture my professors my bosses [for the most part] were delighted when I asked questions i got really lucky

@talraviv talraviv.org so

@talraviv talraviv.org how to ask good questions

@talraviv talraviv.org it’s three things you already know how to
do:

@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb it’s three things you already know
how to do:

@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb be dumb out loud it’s three
things you already know how to do:

@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb be dumb out loud be dumb
kindly it’s three things you already know how to do:

@talraviv talraviv.org we all know how to do these

@talraviv talraviv.org we all know how to do these and
they’re still hard work

@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb

@talraviv talraviv.org play it in your head

@talraviv talraviv.org put yourself in the person’s shoes play it
in your head

@talraviv talraviv.org put yourself in the person’s shoes imagine the
system working play it in your head

system working visualize it happening play it in your head

system working visualize it happening build a mental model play it in your head

system working visualize it happening build a mental model …is that hard to do? Good! play it in your head

@talraviv talraviv.org feel frustrated

@talraviv talraviv.org why doesn’t it connect? feel frustrated

@talraviv talraviv.org why doesn’t it connect? what feels blurry? feel
frustrated

@talraviv talraviv.org why doesn’t it connect? what feels blurry? are
there missing puzzle pieces? feel frustrated

there missing puzzle pieces? is there a term you don’t understand? feel frustrated

there missing puzzle pieces? is there a term you don’t understand? is there a missing “why” feel frustrated

@talraviv talraviv.org the more effort you put into trying to
really wrap your head around something, the more gaps you’ll notice

@talraviv talraviv.org how often does this process happen? feel frustrated

@talraviv talraviv.org how often does this process happen? how many
people are there? feel frustrated

people are there? what isn’t important here? feel frustrated

people are there? what isn’t important here? what if this didn’t take place? feel frustrated

people are there? what isn’t important here? what if this didn’t take place? how do they get that number? feel frustrated

@talraviv talraviv.org pay attention to any “black boxes” or assumptions
let them bother you

@talraviv talraviv.org feel frustrated what does that acronym mean?

@talraviv talraviv.org feel frustrated what does that acronym mean? how
do we even know that??

do we even know that?? that’s a big list, what’s the main driver?

do we even know that?? that’s a big list, what’s the main driver? why is that fact a given?

do we even know that?? that’s a big list, what’s the main driver? why is that fact a given? where did that constraint come from?

do we even know that?? that’s a big list, what’s the main driver? why is that fact a given? where did that constraint come from? why doesn’t it add up in my brain????

@talraviv talraviv.org “frustration with a mental model” is also known
as “curiosity”

@talraviv talraviv.org notice that frustration!

@talraviv talraviv.org don’t let go of the gaps!

@talraviv talraviv.org and then,

@talraviv talraviv.org part of asking good questions

@talraviv talraviv.org part of asking good questions is asking them

@talraviv talraviv.org being dumb out loud is scary

@talraviv talraviv.org being dumb out loud is scary what if
everyone else already knows the answer?

@talraviv talraviv.org say everyone else already knows

@talraviv talraviv.org then why are you different? say everyone else
already knows

@talraviv talraviv.org then why are you different? are you new?
say everyone else already knows

are you there to collaborate? say everyone else already knows

are you there to collaborate? are you there to learn? say everyone else already knows

are you there to collaborate? are you there to learn? …there’s probably a legit reason! say everyone else already knows

@talraviv talraviv.org …if it’s a legit reason, say everyone else
already knows

@talraviv talraviv.org …if it’s a legit reason, good people will
appreciate you say everyone else already knows

appreciate you it means you care say everyone else already knows

appreciate you it means you care it means you listen say everyone else already knows

appreciate you it means you care it means you listen it means they trust you to speak up say everyone else already knows

@talraviv talraviv.org now what if no one else knows either

is it a fledgling idea?

is it a fledgling idea? is it being communicated vaguely?

is it a fledgling idea? is it being communicated vaguely? are first principles unclear?

is it a fledgling idea? is it being communicated vaguely? are first principles unclear? are they taking facts for granted?

is it a fledgling idea? is it being communicated vaguely? are first principles unclear? are they taking facts for granted? …they’ll appreciate you asked!

@talraviv talraviv.org if people around you aren’t asking questions

@talraviv talraviv.org if people around you aren’t asking questions it’s
either because they’re not trying to understand

@talraviv talraviv.org if people around you aren’t asking questions it’s
either because they’re not trying to understand or they are, and they’re not saying anything

@talraviv talraviv.org it’s become a point of pride for me
to ask my dumb questions

to ask my dumb questions and if people laugh, something’s wrong with them not me

to ask my dumb questions and if people laugh, something’s wrong with them not me (good people don’t laugh at dumb questions)

@talraviv talraviv.org This is easier said than done I’m lucky
to have this behavior positively reinforced [for the most part]

@talraviv talraviv.org but think about it:

@talraviv talraviv.org confident experienced people ask dumb questions

@talraviv talraviv.org confident experienced people ask dumb questions have you
noticed how the people who’ve been around for the longest are the ones that ask the simplest dumbest questions?

@talraviv talraviv.org confident experienced people ask dumb questions have you
noticed how the people who’ve been around for the longest are the ones that ask the simplest dumbest questions? FYI: If you ask dumb simple questions, they’ll appreciate and trust you more

@talraviv talraviv.org though, one last thing,

@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb kindly

@talraviv talraviv.org the problem with asking dumb questions is that
dumb questions cut deep

@talraviv talraviv.org people may feel like youre attacking them

@talraviv talraviv.org questioning their competence people may feel like youre
attacking them

@talraviv talraviv.org questioning their competence cross examining their testimony people
may feel like youre attacking them

@talraviv talraviv.org questioning their competence cross examining their testimony arm
wrestling them people may feel like youre attacking them

@talraviv talraviv.org I’ve definitely felt this way and I’ve definitely
made others feel this way

@talraviv talraviv.org it doesn’t matter what your intentions are it
doesn’t help in the moment

@talraviv talraviv.org how can you add energy with your questions

@talraviv talraviv.org have a good relationship [okay, duh, so barring
that…] how can you add energy with your questions

that…] make it clear you trust they know their stuff how can you add energy with your questions

that…] make it clear you trust they know their stuff make it clear the problem is in your brain not their brain how can you add energy with your questions

@talraviv talraviv.org “I want to make sure I am following
you…” “I may have missed this part…” “I’m new to this so I don’t understand…” “I’m not an expert here at all…” make it about your brain not their brain

@talraviv talraviv.org those are just tactics though

@talraviv talraviv.org you gotta genuinely believe the gaps are in
your brain, not theirs

@talraviv talraviv.org “Generous listening is powered by curiosity, a virtue
we can invite and nurture in ourselves to render it instinctive. It involves a kind of vulnerability— a willingness to be surprised, to let go of assumptions and take in ambiguity. The listener wants to understand the humanity behind the words of the other, and patiently summons one’s own best self and one’s own best words and questions.” Krista Tippett

@talraviv talraviv.org so before we go some clarifications

@talraviv talraviv.org questions that arent good

@talraviv talraviv.org devil’s advocate questions that focus on “why this
won’t work” (instead of asking how it can) be dumb doesnt mean

@talraviv talraviv.org devil’s advocate questions that focus on “why this
won’t work” (instead of asking how it can) questions that hold “lack of perfection” against an idea (instead of focusing on what matters) be dumb doesnt mean

@talraviv talraviv.org trying to catch people in inconsistencies or contradictions,
prosecutor style be dumb doesnt mean

@talraviv talraviv.org trying to catch people in inconsistencies or contradictions,
prosecutor style “why” questions that unravel things too far back to be useful, four year old style be dumb doesnt mean

@talraviv talraviv.org “[W]e trade mostly in answers— competing answers— and
in questions that corner, incite, or entertain. In journalism we have a love affair with the ‘tough’ question, which is often an assumption masked as an inquiry and looking for a fight.

@talraviv talraviv.org “[W]e trade mostly in answers— competing answers— and
in questions that corner, incite, or entertain. In journalism we have a love affair with the ‘tough’ question, which is often an assumption masked as an inquiry and looking for a fight. … My only measure of the strength of a question now is in the honesty and eloquence it elicits.” Krista Tippett

@talraviv talraviv.org out loud doesnt mean taking up other’s time
with your questions

@talraviv talraviv.org out loud doesnt mean taking up other’s time
with your questions holding things up if you don’t get an answer

@talraviv talraviv.org kindly doesnt mean overly careful and apologetic

@talraviv talraviv.org kindly doesnt mean overly careful and apologetic so
indirect that it’s hard to follow

@talraviv talraviv.org kindly doesnt mean overly careful and apologetic so
indirect that it’s hard to follow (working on the west coast, I have to ask people to say things again, simpler)

@talraviv talraviv.org you get it

@talraviv talraviv.org ask good questions

@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb be dumb out loud

@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb be dumb out loud be dumb
kindly

@talraviv talraviv.org be the

@talraviv talraviv.org that’s it!

@talraviv talraviv.org kindly

@talraviv talraviv.org talraviv.org

How to ask good questions

How to ask good questions

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