Multiplework - This is a curation of current NEWS from the World of Dissociative Identity Disorder
This slide deck is in process. We hope to advance it fairly frequently. It has to do with Things that include Multiplicity on the Internet. Please accept my humble comments on the bottom of the page. I'm Ann Garvey, and proudly we're a multiple.
from 9-6-13) annsmultipleworldofpersonality.blogspot.com This marks the beginning of this Learnist Board, Please excuse the offset dates until we get caught up and add more on a daily basis. The NEWS is all about dissociative Identity Disorder and Dissociation. We don't BELIEVE in all the articles that will be presented here. This board will represent both dissociation from people who believe in it and people who don't ... In the long run at this point in the world - It is up to you to figure out 1
***9-6-13 • I think she might. Who cares tho? Some of the greats have had mental disorders. A different state of mind can look outside of the ordinary. • I know people who have various mental problems and they're little hard to handle at times. • Britney is under a conservator-ship, so she has to have something or bunch of stuff. But its sealed court documents, 3
well, she seems to be ok now. • Ok let me clarify something. • Multiple personality disorder, first of all, is an outdated name for the Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Secondly, it has been proposed by many psychiatrists that DID is not actually a disorder at all. Someone did a poll on how many psychiatrists believed that DID was actually a disorder, and I remember the percentage was low. Ann Ludford Garvey I am not a fan of Ms. Spears, but I know some people like her. The story of whether or not she is a multiple has been in the news for the last five years and seems to be most heard in the gossip columns. And she is reported to sing some songs about being a multiple. She is also being linked to MK (Monarch) Mind Control. I'm not beyond saying MK does or doesn't exist ... I only know of Mind games my family utilizes especially through shame and guilt. There was a lot of news of Ms. Spears being "handled" (manipulated) by her Manager. I do believe that multiplicity exists ... have no clue is Britney Spears has it. All fodder for the fan. 4
DSM-5 psychiatrictimes.com in list: ***9-6-13 • Although I am fond of saying that DSM-5 is still a “good enough guide for clinical work,” Essentials of Psychiatric Diagnosis is a sort of guide to that guide. Perhaps the book is in the same vein as the APA DSM-IV Guidebook—which Allen Frances co-authored in 1995 in his role as DSM-IV chairperson. This time, however, Dr Frances writes as a DSM-5 critic rather than an insider. This easy-to-read manual represents his concise views on how to achieve “more accurate” diagnoses with 5
Dr Frances also offers black box cautions for those diagnoses he believes represent the greatest risk for overdiagnosis. For example, he favors still using the bereavement exclusion for major depression that was removed from DSM-5 and warns against conflating normal childhood behavior with bipolar disorder and ADHD. Elsewhere, he recommends using ICD criteria for substance abuse and dependence rather than the unified definition of addiction in DSM-5, and advises abandoning the use of disorders that he believes should not have been included in DSM-5 at all (eg, mild neurocognitive disorder, dissociative identity disorder). These black box warnings represent areas of controversy that are clearly stated as Dr Frances’ personal recommendations; it will be up to clinicians to decide whether it is practical or useful to follow his advice in boycotting entire sections of DSM-5. • Reading this book may very well help temper overzealous diagnosis and intervention, and it is a pity that this kind of clinical guidance is not offered within the pages of DSM-5 itself. Ann Ludford Garvey I obviously do not agree with Dr. Frances. I realize in saying this that he is a renown psychiatrist and I am just a "multiple." Though it doesn't appear that dissociation is something that Dr. Frances specializes in so it is difficult to interpret his opinion as much more than unstudied. His work on DSM-IV was very conservative and seemed predicated on their being "scientific evidence" which in the case of dissociation there was not. Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is relatively new to the field only becoming popularized in the 70's. Wikipedia (by no means scientific) stated that he and the others allowed only 2% of new diagnosis (2 of 94) into the catalog. This certainly speaks for his conservatism and most likely closed-mind to new and changing/developing phenomena. He also seems to have a vested interest in his "theories" in that he represents a cohort of psychiatrists who are also conservative ... Dr. Frances has been blogging for approximately three years in popular, but not critical news/psychology magazines - Huffington Posts and Psychology Today. 6
***9-6-13 • After years of allegedly living with Multiple Personality Disorder, Hannah Montana has died at the age of 20. • Doctors say she perished after an overdose of twerking and bad fashion choices after last week’s MTV Video Music Awards. • Hannah Montana was a tween sensation from 2006 to 2011 with 7
clothing line, and two movies under her belt before she was 18. • Sadly, Montana had been lying low in recent years while the other side of her, Miley Cyrus, has been sucking away her innocence. Ann Ludford Garvey I'm like an older person who has sat on the side-line and watched the popularity of Ms. Cyrus rise and fall. I can still remember being introduced to her by my 2 year old granddaughter (now 7 years old). She touched the button to make the music "happen" and then bubbly bounced her way through a dance to Hanna Montana. I would be scared to have her watching Ms. Cyrus now. Hmm, have we become a prude? Not sure. My understanding is that she wanted this last performance to last a life time OF performances. It probably will, but not positively. I think though that she will continue to tip news headlines as she goes through her "rebellious years" and then later on settles down to make music the rest of us older folk aren't leery of. As to the multiplicity ... This was a tongue in cheek usage of the term. Again, it is bad form, we believe, for media and others to use terms like "multiplicity" to explain that a person is two or more ways that sound contrary. It gives the diagnosis a bad name - could call it out right sterotyping. 8
in list: ***9-6-13 • On Wednesday, during his party's Central Standing Committee meeting, Su said that the DPP cannot evade its responsibility to engage in a debate, and that the debate will help expose the 9
didn't the DPP realize what its responsibility was and what sort of opportunity the debate would present in the first place? • On the day that the DPP apparently made an about-face, Su said, “(My) only concern is that Ma is afraid (to engage in a debate).” • Hold on. Wasn't it the Presidential Office that reacted positively to the proposition, whereas the opposition said that a debate was unnecessary in the first place? • These little paradoxes seem to have been lost along on the way as both camps gear up for the upcoming event. • Those who actually paid attention to what was said, when it was said, and what was said by whom, however, will have observed that the DPP apparently suffered a temporary bout of multiple personality disorder. Ann Ludford Garvey I know very little about China and its politics. Sorry, my bad on this one ... Again though we hear that a change of direction is considered as having multiple personality disorder. I do think that the change DPP made was a better one for the people, because debates are important to their communities. I'm saying this about ALL communities West and East. So that maybe the point China Post is making more about be disgruntled in general. Good luck to China - hope the debate helps! 10
www.therepublic.com in list: ***9-6-13 • GRAY, Georgia — A middle Georgia woman who said her alternate personality killed a businessman has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. • The Telegraph of Macon (http://bit.ly/17oA7vZ) reports a jury took about half an hour to return a guilty verdict against 55-year-old Pamela Moss Thursday. • A psychologist hired by Moss' attorney said she has dissociative identity disorder, and that he met one of her personalities named "Caroline." 11
to light until the third day of the trial, and another psychologist found no evidence of an identity disorder. Ann Ludford Garvey There are a few articles on Ms. Moss, but the first one clearly established that she was judged guilty. Although I'm a multiple ... this time we are siding with the prosecutors. She admitted that someone in her system killed the businessman and that makes Ms. Moss guilty. There were mitigating factors - in that she had an established mental illness. I don't believe even with the fact I'm disabled do to my mental illness, I or any other multiple should "get off with murder" due to it. I think people have responsibility for the whole of their system. Incidentally, if one of my sons committed murder I would hold them responsible too. Guilty as charged. I also believe in general that anyone that commits evil behavior on another is mentally ill. Just a matter of someone diagnosing it ... because things like randomly killing others is not sane. 12
***9-6-13 • GRAY, Georgia (41NNC/WMGT) - Day three of the Pamela Moss murder trial was a battle of the mental health experts. A psychologist on the stand testified one of Moss' alter egos admitted Wednesday morning to killing Henry County businessman Douglas Coker. • After prosecutors rested their case, Hogue called his one and 13
with dissociative identity disorder (DID), also known as multiple personality disorder. He explained people who suffered from DID were usually abused as children, most likely sexual abuse, and are more likely to commit suicide. Moss told him her step-father sexually abused her as a child, Levitas testifed. • During his own evaluation of Moss, Levitas told jurors he spoke to an alter ego named Carol, who was more authoritative and matter of fact compared to the shy and reserved Pamela. Levitas testified Carol told him she and Pam did not kill Coker. • Moss was not present in the courtroom during the proceedings. Before court began, Levitas met with Moss and was introduced to a third alter ego he had never met before named Caroline, he testified. He told jurors Caroline confessed to killing Coker. • "She had a clear state of mind and knew exactly what she was doing, not only in killing Mr. Coker by beating him with that hammer at least five times, according to the medical examiner, but everything she did afterwards to hide the body, the lime, the bleach, the paint, feeling from the scene, throwing out his phone," Bright said. "The case is saturated with evidence that she knew exactly what she was doing." • Hogue is seeking a not guilty by reason of insanity verdict. He says he does not dispute the state's case that Moss killed Coker. He must prove Moss was under a delusional compulsion when she committed the allegedly committed the crime, meaning if the delusion had really happened then her actions would be justified—for example, if she felt her life was in danger and killed Coker in self defense. Hogue believes the jury could come back with a guilty but mentally ill verdict. Ann Ludford Garvey There is another post coming up here in a second on this murder case. You already heard our view point in that if one of Ms. Moss personalities killed someone they would all have to be responsible. I'm concerned with the thinking that if she was "under a delusion." I never heard of parts called delusions by actual therapists/patients. Maybe here I am naive. I believe dissociation is different than dilution. It is fair game to 14
a multiple believes in their parts reality. It hasn't been disproved that actual changes don't occur in the brain to cause differences in identity. Dissociation is more like having disconnected mental processes that allows one to function. I think that if Ms. Moss is a multiple, she could have been triggered to protect herself with what was there (hammer), but the part on hiding the evidence ... cannot be explained or justified ... she must have known it was wrong to kill the man if she needed to hide the body. It could be a further protection of her "person" FROM the law, but that's where it went wrong. People kill others without going to jail (for various reasons). Nobody gets to hide from the truth and to that we're all accountable no matter what which part went through - past, present, or future. It's what gives ourselves a sense of humanity. 15
list: ***9-6-13 • In Jones County, the third day of the Pamela Moss murder trial shifted to testimony about her alleged multiple personalities. • Moss is accused of killing Henry County businessman Doug Coker in March 2012. Prosecutors say he came to her home wanting repayment of $85,000. • The defense opened up today with testimony from a clinical psychologist, Anthony Levitas. • He said other doctors have diagnosed Pamela Moss as having at least five personalities, all women, some young and some old. • Levitas said the disorder causes gaps in memory and function. • Moss' lawyer argues that she is not guilty by reason of insanity. But prosecutors are trying to prove that Moss knew what she was doing when she committed murder. 16
that the only time Moss' other personality comes out is when she's on trial. Ann Ludford Garvey It would seem that the forensics could show if there was a struggle, or if she surprised the victim ... more or less was the hammer defensive (to back him away) or offensive (to take the upper hand). He had a motive to do whatever to get back his money and she had a motive not to pay him back - most likely didn't have that kind of money ... either could have been the aggressor. I think not to look at that part and just to look at an insanity defense, is actually hurting the case more than helping it. Seems like she had a past record of being a multiple.... I don't think being a multiple = insane ... maybe she was psychotic at the time, but aren't most people who kill another psychotic (within the law)? 17
list: ***9-6-13 • Waystack says Moss knew what she was doing the entire time because investigators found her attempts to clean up the murder. • "The paint, the bleach, the lime, the cleaning supplies, the gloves, the lights, the matches," she says. "We know she knows right from wrong." • "The delusional compulsion she had which came down to the form of an alternate personality, which a doctor will call alter ego or for short just an alter. It's actually a person with a name, an identity, some of the features you would expect one person to who inhabits one body to have," he says. 18
she asked the judge to waive her right to be present during the trial. • Judge Trent Brown said, "Do the best you can to hold yourself together." Ann Ludford Garvey I think speaking in Ms. Moss behalf she would be better placed in a state mental hospital rather than a prison ... the note here of kindness from the Judge "Do the best you can to hold yourself together" was a really nice sentiment and that kind of thing would help Ms. Moss more than doing "hard time." I'm pretty sure by now she is a multiple, I'm still not for giving her a "not guilty" for it ... I think she should go to a mental hospital AS a guilty person. Never really thought out this line of argument before, but it's worth thinking it through. 19
Teams bleacherreport.com in list: ***9-6-13 • During the 2013 NHL season, the Washington Capitals' special teams seemed to be suffering from multiple personality disorder at times. • The power play was dominant. The Caps had the best power play in the NHL with a 26.8 percent success rate. Not even the mightyPittsburgh Penguins could match that as they were a full two percentage points behind the Caps at 24.7 percent. • The penalty kill, however, was an exercise in futility more often than not. The Caps PK ranked 27th in the NHL with a penalty kill success rate of just 77.9 percent. So what gives with the 20
Is the penalty kill really that bad, or was the performance in the playoffs indicative of an improving and underrated aspect of the team? Ann Ludford Garvey If I say it once ... I'll say it a million jillion times ... Just because two separate phenomena's happened to the same team ... it doesn't make the team a multiple. This is a stereotype of the general populace. It makes light of switches the real multiples go on as if it were in their will to switch or not switch. Well actually, I think you can show some control - just there is spontaneous stuff that's going to jump you when you are least expecting. The control part says ... "Ok, I know your scared of bugs, but right now we're at the office and I need you to be brave and let "me" (as an older part) try to handle it." 21
www.addforums.com in list: ***9-6-13 • Debating against the existence of the controversial issue of multiple personalities in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychology, 1995, author Paul McHugh concludes that the DSM's (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) current diagnosis of Multiple Personality Disorders (now referred to as Disassociative Identity Disorder) should not, and he predicts will not, survive long enough to make it into future editions. • McHugh's major points of argument are that the DSM is flawed because Multiple Personality Disorder isn't a legitimate disorder; rather it's an "individually and socially created artifact". He isn't denying the existence of the patient's 22
and led down the wrong therapeutic path. McHugh urges us to learn from a past analogous historical example-Hysteria, and even goes as far as to challenge the contenders of Multiple Personality Disorder to test the null hypothesis, as did Babinski in the referenced historical example. • McHugh's first major premise is the therapist's responsibility regarding the power of labeling vulnerable and emotionally suggestible patients. The first subpremise is that patients such as these tend to live out the label; a phenomenon known as "The Pygmalion Effect", in which people live out others expectations of them, especially expectations of them that are held by others in positions of authority. The second subpremise is that such an extreme diagnosis allows patients to assume and exploit the sick role for its potential benefits, such as special treatment, attention, and relief from responsibility. The third subpremise is that the mistaken diagnosis obscures the patient's real problem and wastes the patient's time and money. • McHugh's second premise is that we shouldn't waste the lesson that was learned nearly a century ago when Jean-Martin Charcot's student, Joseph Babinski, brought the null hypothesis regarding Charcot's misdiagnosis of Hysteria, asserting that the women in question instead had behavioral disorders. McHugh's subpremise is the example of how Babinski found that once the women were removed from the conditions fostering the misdiagnosis, and treated with "isolation and countersuggestion", their real problems could finally be addressed. • McHugh's third premise, based on his own replication of Babinski's "isolation and countersuggestion" technique at John Hopkins with Multiple Personality Disorder patients sent there as a last resort, is that we should apply what we learned from history and give up the psychological fad of multiple personalities. The first subpremise is to change the Multiple Personality Disorder label to "abnormal illness behavior", 23
supportive therapists, and disregard attempts of communication by "alter" personalities. Only in this case can the patients genuine issues be treated. McHugh's second subpremise is his challenge to Multiple Personality Disorder proponents to reject his null hypothesis. • McHugh makes valid and coherent observations in his argument that Multiple Personality Disorder, as a clinical diagnosis, is an individually and socially constructed phenomenon that is not helping the afflicted. The main premises interdependently relate to one and other, and the premises relate to and support the conclusion. • Yes, MDD or DID is somewhat controversial, as noted in your article from 18 years ago, and yet it is included in new DSM-V released in May this year. • In my 36+ years of clinical practice, 29+ at my present job, I have only "seen" 3 clients who legitimately met the criteria for, and whom I diagnosed with DID. That is probably in keeping with the projected nationwide rate of 1/2 of 1 percent of the US population. At the same time though, I've also "seen" it mis-diagnosed frequently. Hope that helps some. Ann Ludford Garvey Wow! Where do I start here ... maybe from the point of view I'm just a regular person ... well, ok a "regular multiple," but this one straight through made my hair stand up on end. McHugh starts out ... there is no DID and it shouldn't be a diagnosis (in DSM-V). He states, "Multiples have been led therapeutically to believe they are sick (Pygmalion affect), allows patients to assume and exploit the sick role for its potential benefits, such as special treatment, attention, and relief from responsibility." And, that it is a waste of time and money. He believes multiples should be isolated and given counter-suggestions (watch the clock - back and forth ... repeat you have only one personality." Also he believes you should NOT talk to the alters. Ok ... we don't agree with any of that. Multiplicity is real, therapists have no reason to lead "wrongly" a patient down this kind of path, like what kind of therapist would exploit patients? If there were any really doing this then charge him/her and move on, it doesn't mean the disorder isn't real. Is it only the ones who claim multiplicity is real? Sort of like blacklisting those who understand the disorder? It seems then that the argument of cost - both time and money is an attempt to say "hey let's be reasonable ... mental health programs that cost money can easily be argued down - practical?" He's adapted "malingering" for those diagnosed with multiplicity stating they want special attention, special treatment, and to avoid responsibility - Just isn't so ... everyone wants to be understood and parts might come in and 24
it is a major goal in treatment to be responsible. And, not talking to the multiple? This is therapeutic how? Seems more like behavior modification. This is my understanding of Dr. McHugh ... he's connected through a Harvard education and work completed at John Hopkins. That part is highly credible, but he's taken stances that are unfathomable to those who aren't arch-Conservative. He doesn't believe in support to those working through gender identity problems, and especially surgical reconstruction to transvestites. And, very clearly he doesn't believe in the diagnosis of DID. One organization is quoted as saying, " McHugh attacks anything he dislikes with the zeal of a fanatic. In 2007 he was ordered by Kansas Attorney General Paul Morrison to stop making public statements about physician George Tiller's work. McHugh disapproved of Tiller's work providing abortion services. Tiller was later murdered by a fanatic who was influenced by public statements made about Tiller" (Transsexual Roadmap, 2012). He is noted for defending Priests and others who are sexual predators/offenders. He is anti-abortion and he was a founder and board member of False Memory Syndrome Foundation. This definitely seems like one of the "bad guys." Sorry for our simplicity, but he's been no friend to what seems right in our book. 25
disorder, and has written a book about it to tell his story to others.His message? It’s OK to ask for help when struggling with some of the risk factors that can lead to suicide. • Walker will be a guest speaker at Fort Leavenworth from 9-10 a.m. Sept. 24 at Eisenhower Auditorium at the Lewis and Clark Center in conjunction with the Army’s Suicide Prevention Month. September’s theme is “Shoulder to Shoulder Standing Ready and Resilient.” The event is free and open to the public. • Kevin Wharton, risk reduction program coordinator for the Army Substance Abuse Program, said the Army hopes that soldiers struggling with the idea that there is some sort of stigma attached in reaching out for help will realize that the opposite is true.“Even though we discuss stigma in our training, this will be someone telling their personal story about how they asked for help,” Wharton said about Walker’s appearance on post. “Mr. Walker is our effort to address the stigma for asking for help. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, rather a sign of strength.” Ann Ludford Garvey Lots of good stuff to say about Mr. Walker. He's a tireless campaigner for the rights and benefits of the people with mental illness - particularly of his own challenges of having Multiplicity. OohRah!!! 27
www.mirror.co.uk in list: ***9-6-13 • Each personality has its own voice, traits and mannerisms. They can come and go up to 10 times a day, changing without warning in a split second. • They include brothel keeper Madam Taylor, five-year-old schoolgirl Daisy, PC World worker Mary, 60, and aggressive teenager Lashes. • There are also a millionaire, Scottish sandwich shop owner, Cornish farm girl, German speaker and a gangsta rapper. • It is Tiger-Lou, a woman about Dawn’s age, who greets us for our interview. But within 30 minutes Dawn is back. • “At the time I think I am in control. To me, I am just me, whether that’s Daisy, Mary or even Madam Taylor. But when I wake up and can’t remember a thing the terror sets in.” 28
Quetiapine, Carbamazepine and Paroxetine to control her condition – is used to people laughing at her and tries to be philosophical about it. • “Now I ignore her because the doctors think the more you interact with the other personalities, the stronger they get. Some are far stronger than others and emerge much more regularly. • “But what about when I go to bed with a brothel madam, then part way through she switches to a five-year-old child? I’m lost. I love Dawn but what we have isn’t a relationship any more, it’s a way of life – survival. • Analytical psychotherapist Remy Aquarone, who has treated people with Dawn’s condition for 25 years, said: “Less than one per cent of the population suffers from DID but many are misdiagnosed with depression or other conditions”. Ann Ludford Garvey This story comes in more than one article too. It's hard to understand multiplicity as it is portrayed by other people allegedly multiples. Having 25 years of therapy would seem to validate the claim. It is different for me to think of multiplicity as coming in "commercial roles" like having different business orientations. I'm guessing that is a low estimate of the number of times she switches if it could be done as instantaneous as is being noted. It just takes awhile to figure that stuff out and it's almost impossible to count. The number is more a blind stab when someone asks that kind of unanswerable question. Just a guess here. In my situation also there is a better communication system between the parts in that it is not a total blackout. It is hard to remember everything like when we try to recall Dr. Marvin's office a day later ... it comes in very vaguely at times ... the more questions we ask though it seems that we get filled in on information that parts are willing to let go particularly Corey asking during blog writing to Marie a part of us that understand "behind the scenes things." We don't agree that paying attention to parts makes them stronger in a bad way ... we've learned the more communication the easier it is to all. Being conscious allows more decision-making abilities if you will - sometimes even to re-parent parts of yourself. You still have to negotiate time and space.One last thing here is that it might be semantics, but I don't think medicine helps control the condition of multiplicity, it can help to control symptoms making the person uncomfortable like stress, depression and focus. 29
• Detroit is a city with multiple personality disorder. Burned-out buildings are next door neighbours with trendy bars where there's a two-hour wait for a thyme and smoked bourbon cocktail that will be $12, please and thank you. Streets that have been mostly reclaimed by nature are just a few blocks away from streets that are so gridlocked on game night, you can't get your car out of the parking garage. • A lot of you already know this. For many Windsorites, the border is just a few minutes, a toll and some annoying questions away from all the perks of living next to a major American city - great concerts, great sports, some of the world's greatest art. • Nobody wants to get mugged, or be creeped out, or feel 30
don't need a police escort and an armoured car to explore Detroit, and two, you're really missing out if you let yourself get scared off. • I'm planning to spend the next seven days in the D, with the goal of showcasing the positive changes, the challenges that remain and the bizarre contrasts that happen when the two interact. I'm going to show you places you could take your timid mother-in-law, your party animal brother and your sister the organic gardener. Ann Ludford Garvey This article on Detroit is like many others. Two different views of the city - poor and wealthy suggest to the writer that the city has multiplicity. She concludes that she is looking for the new and improved that showcases the good assets of the city. This seems fine, though if the city were really a multiple - the parts having a harder time would want more support than seems apparent being given by this author to the blight of those in the depressed neighborhoods. 31
lying’ "www.ruthzandstra.com." posttrib.suntimes.com in list: ***9-6-13 • Ruth Zandstra insists she is not lying. Nor is she crazy. • The 62-year-old Highland woman has been insisting this for decades, even though at times it felt as if she was making up such unimaginable acts of abuse during her childhood. And similar acts of domestic and churchly terror against her sister, too. • Cruelty. Incest. Intimidation. Sexual abuse. Psychological torture. Animal sacrifice. Bloodletting. And allegations of satanic ritual abuse at the hands of her father and grandfather under the 32
stands behind to this day. • “I know how all this sounds, but it’s true, sadly true,” she told me at the Portage Riverwalk, an oddly picturesque setting to discuss such ugly subject matter. • Zandstra, who can be shy as a shadow, chronicled all this and more in her 2010 self-published book, “Am I Alive?,” which is available on Amazon. It’s a sad, disturbing yet intriguing book about her tormented yet outwardly idyllic childhood while being raised in Highland. She tells it through a series of chronologically arranged recollections. • In another chapter, she writes: “I see the toes of his shoes against my toes, and look up just enough to see both his open hands in front of my face. In one hand there are small, bloody eyes in the palm of his hand. I know that I have to swallow them, so that Satan can see inside me and know what I’m thinking.” • Her book was written in part by the 100 or so personalities she created in her head as a kid to cope with the abuse. Clinically it’s called dissociative identity disorder or multiple personality disorder. Zandstra simply calls them “the others,” and each one had a name, such as Luke her big brother protector, Martha the grandmotherly nurturer, and Thaddeus, who kept mental notes on everything. • She’s been in therapy for nearly 30 years, mostly with Norm LeClercq, a clinical supervisor with New Leaf Resources in Lansing. Their first meeting was April 3, 1987, and they’ve met for hundreds of hours ever since. • “I totally believe Ruth and what she’s gone through as a child,” LeClercq told me. “She suffered obvious trauma showing me early on that something horrendous happened to her. Ruth doesn’t lie. She’s not crazy. And she’s honest to a fault.” • “I was repeatedly told that nobody needs to know about this,” Zandstra said. • But then she started receiving letters and emails from readers who had similar experiences involving sexual abuse, ritual abuse and other childhood abuse. It convinced her that writing the book was all worth it. 33
time period, and both say there are too many strange coincidences in Zandstra’s book to call her allegations flat-out lies or a form of false memory syndrome. Ann Ludford Garvey Ms Davich is another multiple who has gone through extensive therapy. After all these years knowing about our own multiplicity - ritual abuse (RA) seems to be a part of our life because of psychological patterns installed by adults, but yet for me/us it is very distant. I remember things that felt cult-like like standing on the wooden benches of my Grandparents church. I don't believe I every encountered horrific abuse through large number of people - family and strangers. I can't say that it does or doesn't happen ... we tend to believe the abused person. It seems that people who have gone through RA have the highest number of alters (parts) like between 60-120 and much more. They alto tend to be more clustered and splintered. In our case we have never gone over the twenty mark and in our case we figure one part has died and we buried her symbolically. I thoroughly believe it is helpful to write your own "story." I tend to think of our history though as part mythology, because the mind has to help recreate in-between things that just make sense given the variables that are being triggered to re-experience through the parts. I think even singletons put together a mythology of how they came to be too ... perhaps it starts with actual memories repeated over and over again, or perhaps you inherit stories about yourself through elders. I believe each tries to be as honest as his or her mind/psyche will allow. Hats off to Ms Davich for as much normalcy as she now has in her life through hard work with her therapist. 34
a subliminal level, visions of shapes that keep repeating the exact form, their ability to enter a body to manipulate it like a puppet plus putting words in your mouth, how to break free from their control, the BENEFITS of their presence in your life, how these topics and more relate to schizophrenia, hearing voices, D.I.D, and their ability to alter phone communication, mess with TV signals and even use your own fingers as you sleep to type words on your phone. " www.experienceproject.com in list: *** 9-9-13 Ann Ludford Garvey This writer talks about evil and demons and these are two topics we rarely deal with ... I think there is evil in the world, but I have never appreciated non-human characters into our life situation. I know there are people who deal with the supernatural, but I don't really even want to start .. at one point, we read some fiction from Anne Rice on witches and vampires. I think it allowed us a sense of this as a cultural fad that is running rampant - especially in television/movie lore. I can get into the mythology and crafting of characters or characteristics, but that is as far as we go. I do believe that some people are manipulative and speak to us at subliminal messages. This might be the quintessential "mother role" or "super ego". I think too that 35
especially things in childhood not worked out psychologically or spiritually. In this particular article there doesn't seem to be a real firm boundary between DID and schizophrenia ... shame there. 36
in list: *** 9-9-13 • Just over three weeks ago I received the 2nd of my two iron infusions. I felt the difference after the first one and even better after the 2nd one. I could not believe how much better I felt and how much I could do. After being so tired for so long it is great to have my energy back. Not only do I have more energy, I can concentrate and focus, hold and be involved in a conversation, read and sleep well. I can once more go out for coffee with friends and reconnect with my social circle. This 37
my wonderful support system, is very important to me. I could not believe how good it felt to be able to function. • The reality is that I wanted to do more, but I could not. And, this was once again, a reminder of my illness and why I am on disability. • With regards to my mental health I am the healthiest I have been. I think back to the times I did not know if I was going to make it to the next hour, let alone the next day. I think back to the time before I was correctly diagnosed and thought I was truly losing my mind. I know I have overcome insurmountable odds and am grateful to everyone who has helped me get to where I am now. But I still get frustrated that I have limits, and cannot do as much as others seem to do. I also get frustrated that even though things are much better, my life is still pretty complex. • I have been physically preparing for my upcoming Outward Bound trip for the past two months, what people have not been seeing is my inside preparation. That has been going on for years. • When you have D.I.D. nothing is simple!!!! Ann Ludford Garvey This multiple just seems like she's really sturdy physically and mentally ... she's got challenges, but the are being cared for in the process of making and keeping healthy goals. Any person multiple or not would be proud to do the Outward Bound trip. It takes a lot of focus and it will no doubt be a super challenge working with her inner parts whose needs will become apparent after the terrain gets a little rougher. This is speculation, I know, but thinking that Suzy is thinking the same thing. She's really positive and not allowing it to defeat the "grand purpose." Agreed, nothing is simple with DID. It would be easy to say that's something (the trip) that others more "suited" for it can do, but quite another to jump into the ring! Proud of you woman! Your in the driver's seat!! 38
9-9-13 • I used to cut. I have not cut in almost 5 years. Now that my insiders have made themselves known to me (about a year ago) the desire to cut/self-harm has come back. I/We have a 24 hour pact in place of no cutting or suicide. We make it everyday. • My friend with DID, who also has self-harming Insiders, says she has a "dark writing" journal that sometimes helps to give an outlet to anger and pain. Has this helped anyone else?Can anyone else relate to this self-harm issue? Any thoughts, suggestions or advice? • I am not sure how to deal with this new complicated issue of self-harm now that my Insiders have made me aware of themselves. Any comments of help are greatly appreciated.... Ann Ludford Garvey I'm trying not go into this new habit of writing comments directly to the multiple/writer, but I do have 39
am always grateful to get to the sections that have other people already commenting. I don't mean to avoid a responsibility to the person in need, but we watch our boundaries very much to make sure we don't overdue, and when we do get overwhelmed we find something else less traumatic to do or be thinking about. I do hope by posting some of these notes to others in an "outside world" that it will allow others to send comfort when they can. We've gone through similar issues of self-harm and in particular cutting. It has probably been though around ten years without it. I think the most important part to me was having someone like Dr. Marvin, we could trust to call, and if he wasn't available we were under contract with him to call the ER for the emergency psychiatrist on call at the hospital. Sometimes that option of actually going to the hospital is best. Dr Marvin in emergency picks up the call and hears "I need to talk to you, we've got a knife and someone is holding on our neck. At the time it was a very real and demanding experience. Dr. Marvin is often in charge of the Emergency room at UIC and he is the director of the Psychiatry interns. In times of trouble like this, we will challenge him, but it gets to be a series of messages back and forth. A series of agreements and compromises. He's got no qualm of calling 911 and he's done it for/to us in the past. He's very firm in saying things like if you want to talk to me, you will need to put the knife down, and then he might walk us through putting it away in a safer place. He helps us regain a sense of less frantic composure. If I were to give advice in this situation I would say start immediately developing human ties/bridges that you can work through trust issues whenever that need may arise. If you can't trust yourself(ves), you've got to trust another - preferably a paid professional. 40
www.psychforums.com in list: *** 9-9-13 • Hi. I'm new to this forum. I've never been formally diagnosed with DID as I've never told anyone about...well, any of the truth. • I don't really have much of a personality, since I feel the alters kind of take it out of me. I'm usually in control of the body, or at least think I am. The others usually take control and say things without warning, which confuses me when I'm about to say something but end up saying something else. • I've been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, conduct disorder and oppositional defiance disorder, all by different doctors. They still haven't noticed that each time they talk to me, they're diagnosing a different person. I don't think they'd believe me if I told the truth anyway. 41
Ludford Garvey I can't say enough about finding competent help with the most important asset of someone who could become trustworthy. Self-diagnosis in general is a real problem. It is easy to talk yourself into the worst possible health option. I'm one of the first to run to the Internet if I think there is something going on with my body. If you have a valid question, or concern - it has to be worked out by a professional. You need to start taking down the "could be this, or this, or this." I believe there are others who would disagree. Like perhaps you have a close friend who helps you out. Sure, I do too. But it is very wearing on any relationship to put another in a position he's not designed for and often this comes out as over or under zealous rescues. Sometimes we mess up our partner with our psychological "messes," he goes under and then we have to jump in and save HIM from us! It's just not fair to do a major illness without professional support. Please by all means check the financing alternatives and open doors. Multiplicity is very confusing and sometimes for those diagnosticians they are called in quick order to diagnose primarily on what you aren't scared to tell them. I'm probably more open than I need to be, but by all means, be direct! AND, be direct with yourself. 42
in list: *** 9-9-13 • Struggling with no alcohol and and not many alters around during pregnancy. I feel completely abandoned by my system even though Jeremy and Barry have been around. Ann Ludford Garvey If you're struggling with alcohol, you need to go somewhere to get unstuck. Ask yourself honestly can I set and stick to goals, or do I seriously need to talk to someone. It may be cliche, but this is where a group like AA really works, if you're not in some other kind of counseling. Being pregnant ups the ante for EVERYthing! I don't know much about substance abuse counseling ... AND I'm certainly not a counselor. 43
kind of list generated about what is working and what is not and then start figuring things out. We're a firm believer that getting things out of your head either and/or by talking to someone or writing, or creating is good use of the brain/mind processes. It's time to start now encouraging the best from yourself. Give yourself some credit for the difficulty, but then move on. Stop ruminating! System is around ... just got to ask them questions. For example write down sentence to a paragraph, ask them what they think and add their thoughts to yours. Believe in you! 44
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