Chapter 13 - 14 Medical appointments

#2022-10-11 ## 2022-10-11 – Evidence 13A – Appointments to Nephrologist
& PCP ### Dr. Marvin’s Notes Pt arrived on time. Changed time today based on MD appointments this afternoon. Reviewed recent appts to nephrologist and PCP - lab results, instructions, and referrals. Provided context for next steps. Reviewed plan for tapering Tylenol. Trying five tabs/day now. Reviewed goals - reduce overuse headaches, prevent recurrence of back pain, maintain mobility. Rest of session spent reviewing events from the wedding weekend. Reviewed experiences, photos, and interpersonal interactions. Pt made a point to visit with family, grandchildren… Pt felt good about the interactions. No distressing issues. Reflected on thoughts/effect from before the event (negative thoughts/worries) in contrast to experiences. Validated effort put into planning, working through challenges to get to space where she could enjoy the event. Global Improvement (CGI-C): Minimally improved Assessment - Depression: - Moods improved this interval following acute stressor with a recent wedding. Able to process/reframe difference in pre-wedding vs. experience in session. Several ongoing medical conditions she is following up with… - Working to maintain progress with writing projects and balance with other activities. - Able to contract for safety. Assessment - DID: - I triggered prior to wedding. Made progress with planning/interactions. The goal remains to assist parts to feel more confident about the process.

- Review of home videos ongoing. The goal remains to
process smaller pieces of the video as time allows. - Continues to work to balance time online with reading/household tasks. - Returning to larger writing project (trauma narrative) - goals/product/audience. Current online writing workshops assisting with structure to writing. #2022-11-13 ## 2022-11-13 – Evidence 14A – Review of Medical Appointments ### Dr. Marvin’s Note Pt arrived on time. Started session with review of medical appts on Tuesday after last visit - lab result explanations, instructions, and referrals. Felt nephrology appt went well, and her questions answered. The pain clinic appt was for re-evaluation, which was more frustrating. Felt that the clinician took it personally that she had not returned to the clinic in the last 5 years. Outcome was referral for MRI and appt with Dr. Augusthy. Reviewed physical health goals. One of her online friend's is a support for exercise/health and would like to include these as an accountability measure. This aligned with patient's goals for tracking food plan, working on exercise. The second part of the discussion spent reviewing updates to online tracking and balance of activities. Able to adjust to being away for the weekend. Discussed role of watching videos - balance time with writing and household. Feels she would put other projects on hold until after the election. Reviewed interests and validation for work/progress. Concluded session with brief update on her friend, N. He had diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Pt had several questions about dx which led to discussion of dependency/abandonment. We had limited time today to discuss in detail. Agreed to continue topic next session. Global Improvement (CGI-C): No change Assessment - Depression: - Moods stable this interval following son's wedding. Able to return to online tracking tools. Several ongoing medical conditions she is following up with...

- Working to maintain progress with writing projects and balance
with other activities. - Able to contract for safety. Assessment - DID: - Touched on topics of dependency/abandonment in the context of relationship with N. Had limited time today. Agreed to revisit. - Review of home videos ongoing. Goal remains to process smaller pieces of the video as time allows. - Continues to work to balance time online with reading/household tasks. - Returning to larger writing project (trauma narrative) - goals/product/audience. Current online writing workshops assisting with structure to writing. #2022-10-14 ## 2022-10-14 – Evidence 14B – Do not Read This Nihit! ### NIHIT! DON'T READ THIS NIHIT! THIS IS ME AND WE GET DEFENSIVE. IT IS MY RIGHT AS YOU SAY TO THINK, FEEL, AND WRITE AS YOU TOO HAVE INDICATED. BUT UNTIL YOU CLEAR THIS ALL WITH YOUR THERAPIST ... LET'S SAVE YOU SOME GRIEF. WE'LL STILL TALK AS SOON AS WE GET TOGETHER ... BUT SHE WANTS YOU TO FEEL AND NOT INTELLECTUALIZE YOUR THOUGHTS/FEELINGS. Hold and breathe through at the same time. I DON'T AGREE THAT IT IS BETTER TO TRAUMATIZE SOMEONE TO GET SOMEWHERE → TO GET TO A PSYCHOLOGICAL STANCE THAT MIGHT BE POSITIVE, BUT WE CAN APPRECIATE AND HOPE THAT'S WHERE YOUR PERSON IS GOING. OK ... NOW STOP HERE. IT IS THE SUMMARY OF WHERE WE HAVE GOTTEN TO. PLEASE DON'T READ FURTHER ... IT WAS ONLY OUR OWN THINKING PROCESSES TO GET BACK HERE TO THE START. WE LOVE YOU AND WILL TALK SOON ... I'LL BE HAVING LUNCH.

- A Very Good Morning - How was sleep last
night? - 6:25AM, We have been up for 1 1/2 hours and taking care of Ann business. Twice Rich woke up (alarm) and went back to bed saying he was going to do his meditation in bed. We woke up with good energy. We took care of normal things in setting up Guilded & Gather, Journal and then Marvin set-up. AND we still remember a little of our dream had to be working with St. Rose again. This time we started with a mathematics program, and then a swimming program. Each time we were taking over for the entire center. Sr. Theresa was always busy fiddling around, and the staff was dubious as to participating, and then there were ALWAYS too many clients, plus an element of not finding the proper bathroom. - How have we been (the previous day)? - Yesterday centered on either Martin or Nihit in the morning, and then we had Dr. Marvin at 11- 12:00PM. After Dr. Marvin's we spent at least 3 hours watching the January 6th hearing, and then we watched about 45 minutes of news reporting. After that we were able to talk with Nihit until he fell asleep after about 45 minutes of talking. We ate dinner with a stand-up comedian (Iliza Shlesinger - Hot Forever), and then we went back to the news until Rich got home about 8:45PM. We spent a little time talking, but fell asleep watching continued news, and then the 15's. - Yesterday seems like a good day in that we had the appropriate company for the day, AND we had time to watch some things that we were really interested in with the 1-6 being the top subject for the day. The real ending to that is that Trump got a subpoena! They did it very dramatically. No one believes Trump will come in because if he says any of his normal nonsense, he will perjure himself, but it is a good "chance" to let him speak to the public to "clear" himself. People want an explanation for his behavior on that date. They have him coming and going. But sure, give him his day in court :) - One thing today about which we can get excited. - Nihit is up! This is a good thing, and it is good that he has something to be working on. He is going to give a presentation to his Aunt's company that has something to do with computer programming. - How would we deal with a stressful situation that could trip us up today? - We can be sure to → be cautious about our time with Nihit and the nature of that time. The briefest version of that is that his therapist wants him to be less cerebral, and not only is that that way Nihit is normally, but that is especially the way he is with us. I am not sure of what happens next in the relationship, but we are NOT going to mess up his psychologist's point of view or perspective of what he needs to do. Last night in hearing we were filtering things out ... we were not understanding all of it, just knew we had to back up. I think we each were able to say, in our own way ... yes, this is going to be a problem, but we will oversee it. Yay! - If we were someone looking at our life from an important level, what would we tell ourselves? - An Eagle's eye view → Move on to the things we need to do today. Particularly writing and the collective pages - with a little less on the political. - What else are we thinking of? (Morning Pages)

- We just had breakfast with Rich. Not a lot
of talking, but we have a general idea of what he is up to. He will be back in his office until about 9:00AM, and then he has a dentist appointment at 10:00AM. After that he will be home for a few minutes - maybe, but in general, he hopes to be out fishing by noon. He will be with Bob. They have stocked his lake with trout. He has not asked either last night or this morning what we are doing. We did give him just small massages last night and this morning. Everyone is too tired. :( - One word/phrase that could describe the kind of person we want to be today? - One phrase to rule them all → Cheery! - What did we learn from today? - Lessons? → - What was a fun "Ginney moment" for the day? - **Rub my tummy!** → - Okay, how did you celebrate today? - **Were there crowns given?** → - Note To Next Day Self - Write a note to our "next day self!" As if encouraging Anne, what would this note say? - Excellent run yesterday - got in some exercise too! - What is a warm salutation for tomorrow's Anne? - Hey Woman! How is it going!? - How could we describe our today's self in a word or phrase? - Got it done! ### Quick Capture - Today's selves - Daily Note - This morning we were up about the same time as Nihit. He was doing his work for the presentation to his new company. We have been watching it over from the side. Wow! He has some nice charts done. I cannot say I understand the gist of it. Something to do with styles and components, but it seems mostly with the tinting of smiley icons. Eh ... my mood is fine! - Future selves - Weekly Note

- Hey, you ... the wedding earlier this week was
great, and we were so gosh darn proud of the kids. What is our next aim? Are you watching your food intake and exercise? - Monthly Note - Hey, did we get to celebrate anything with family? Maury's birthday is over ... anything there? - Quarterly Note - How are the doctor appointments going? - Annual Note - I am in wonder of all that written - job well done! ### Day-to-Day Goals - Do we have any riveting goals today? Should we have? - Keep up with the writing - Have things organized, especially Amazing Marvin and our journal - Keep news to a minimum - Don't over worry about Nihit ... the relationship is just going to keep booming! - Are all today's food choices in My Fitness Pal (MFP)? How can we get through any slumps? - At 7:34AM, we marked in this morning's medicines/OTC, coffee, and eggs. YAY! Keep it up - Keep checking in. - What exercising could I commit to today? How much? - Let us try to do another 30 minutes. We were good on Wednesday but missed Thursday. Let us pull ourselves up by the bootstraps. - What can you tell us about the showering experience today? - Ok, this is not going well. Rich is in the washroom right now. That was a narrow escape. Sorry, cannot do it yet! He is planning to shower at 9:00AM. We can do it at 8:00AM? Hey, could we get a little stronger positive response? Grr! - What could we do today, so that someone else can say, "Boldly Go! Howard Wolowitz" - Win the day task → It is shower or bust! - ### Balance - How is our perspective of time going? Are we still on track? - So far, so good @ 7:37AM Let us try to get so far before we do ... let us see let us get up through Connect-consume-cerebrate by 8:30AM

- What has been going well? - We are feeling
positive about getting through the initial think of your space kind of thoughts. We are in a steady calm. - Today, we have added balance by ... - Checking in on providing journal templates and by updating Amazing Marvin. That really helps a lot. - We've also been going back and adding the Videos. We could think of a better way to do it. Right now, we are adding the names and such the day after, but in opening them, they populate in today's (next day's) space. We should think through how to do this better. It would be best to do it end of the day, I suppose. Hmm, let us try that. - What could have been better? - I could have better ideas on what to do with the Multiplicity updates. It will be a promising idea to add Dr. Marvin's notes for the last few days. Hmm, good thinking. We can add some of those notes in our forward-thinking. What is it that he would AND we would like to be thinking of next? - At 9:11AM - we just finished updating "Anne's Notes," (see comment above). We also read the notes before they added, so we are allowing ourselves to read it once more now that it consolidated and updated, including formatting. But for now ... let us continue with our course notes. - ### Check course - What has been going well? - We are doing an excellent job of updating in Amazing Marvin and our journal. The time is still good as well. - What could have been better? - We should have put away the sunglasses. Rich knocked them on the floor, and Ginney grabbed them, but we caught her right away and scared her into dropping them. Better, would have been not chancing fate, and having put them away at the start. Rich just left. He has dentist and fishing next. He should be home about dinner time. ### Connect-Consume-Cerebrate - Connect → Had a nice talk - With whom? About What? - We had a hard talk with Nihit yesterday, but we could not maintain most of it. We will need hints, and then should be able to bring some of it back. Most of it was around his therapist regulating our relationship to Nihit. - We are not going to do as much "cerebrating" with him. His doctor thinks that he spends too much time in his head, so unless it is for practical work things, she is going to have him cut it out.

- Nihit says, that he will still listen to me
"cerebrate," but unless we do the same for him, we believe that it will not be useful to tempt him by having him listen to me. If he cannot listen to himself, he cannot listen to me either. At least that is the way we are thinking of that now - For the time being, we will keep our writing where it is, but that might be too much temptation for him, and we do not want to bite into the time the therapist wants him out socializing (without thinking). - Sigh - What did we learn, and what did we contribute toward to the conversation? - The first thing we learned is that we jumped to feeling sorry for ourselves. We were having a demanding time accepting that we would not be able to talk about mental matters that meant something to the both of us. It is our bread and butter. It is like slapped with a restraining order. - I know that Nihit is not doing anything to hurt us personally by not being able to talk more intrinsically, but it is like wearing a muzzle. That is our first feelings put out. Intrinsically - "Something that is intrinsic is an essential part of a whole, so intrinsically describes **something closely connected to or inseparable from something**." - We will have to work through our thoughts and feelings, especially over the weekend. Nihit is about at the point right now, he is giving a presentation. It is to about three of his aunt's workers. He was preparing for it throughout our morning, and we backed up quite a bit, giving him time that really belongs to him. I feel grounded (negatively). - I feel like we have been in a relationship for about a year, and now someone is saying to us that the relationship that we have built within this time, is bad for Nihit. I do not know why he cannot choose who his friends are going to be. I do not know how to separate the "relationship is bad" to that I am not a bad person for relating to Nihit. Not only that, but I understand him making more of himself personally. It is like his therapist is saying he is not ready for the relationship that he has already got. He asked in many ways not to use the entirety of his brain. I cannot mentally make sense of it. I feel like the baby thrown out with the bathwater because we "cause" Nihit to think outside his own box. - Consume → Run Protocol - What did we read/listen/watch this time? - The information from Nihit came after most of our afternoon. We would already watch the Jan 6 session. We had listened to the news media break it down, and then after we talked to Nihit we went back to listening to it, but it was blindly. I was not hearing the words, conversation, or arguments. About dinner time, we did turn on the comedian listed above. She was distracting, and we appreciated her humor in support of women being their best selves TO themselves. The rest of the night thrown away. We watched news until Rich came home, but we were not focusing. It was too hard. - Cerebrate → My Brain is the best - What is our brain publicized up on at this time? What triggered these thoughts? Feelings? Behaviors?

- Our brain, at this point, psyched out. I want
to be able to manage these thoughts without being depressed. I do not want to have depressed behaviors, or for lack of clarity - going into behaviors that are more negligent of ourselves. - Can we put out an elevator Pitch? For ourselves? For others? - Our pitch is simply the expression - "Don't go dark" - For others, "If we are hurting you to becoming the best you - you should be, then we'll step back, but you can't make me feel happy about it." - To me, she is saying, "Be like your doctor father. Think about your duties to patients, but do not express your thoughts and feelings. ### Seriously, as a writer... - What kinds of ideas have come to mind today? Relevancy to a better life? - Ok, we have calmed down some. We talked for a few moments to Nihit. We both realize there is a problem in this new FOUR-way relationship. There are the two doctors, and the two "patients." I have never had problems being under the care of Dr. Marvin, but suddenly Nihit's new therapist of FIVE-entire sessions is coming out and remodeling Nihit to be a different person ... do this, do that. Since I am part of what is on the cutting block, it would make sense, we are a little defensive. - As to relevancy of a better life? She is more right, and we are more wrong. She thinks her control should assert whether Nihit can think, and whether he can think with me. I do not believe this is my battle. Nihit must fight for the life that does him the most benefit. Perhaps if he was not with us, then he would have more practical space for his medical life, or wherever else his direction pours. In which case, we would have to back away so that we do not hurt him or over-complicate his life. I do not want to be the thing that is most wrong for him. - What are writing cues which include writing/reading about Multiplicity, trauma, and being a better human being? - I think we could go with here ... being a better human being. I am going to guess though that it is going to point to trauma again. And, just loosely at the top of my head, I could imagine that with each of our major switches, someone has stepped-back or retreated believing they are of no use in the present situation. - Yesterday we talked to Dr. Marvin, and then Nihit - each for only a few moments, but we think we are amid abandonment and dependency feelings. Maybe if a person abandoned, then they would next overcompensate by becoming dependent on something else, or someone else. We are sure that Nihit has gone through some terrible abandonment issues with his parents. He was born while they were both in medical school. It would have been a mere impossible situation. I am sure they had help but thinking they all had to give-up some time with one another. I believe this to have been Nihit for sure, and that it might have seeded him to issues of abandonment, and then over-dependency where he had to resort to many people who would validate him. But now, even today, Nihit is saying that he cannot go outside himself for feelings of validation. That is inhumane, but it sounds like something the therapist is after, and it must BE ... but really, should it? But she is saying he must go cold turkey. In our therapy, the

therapist taught not to retraumatize the patient. But here with
Nihit, it is like to strip him of all his defenses and throw him in the fire. - I am sorry. We are getting more ridiculous the farther we write. I am fighting my own feelings and thoughts for comprehension and to be dismissing feelings of anger and frustration. To be a better human being. We are going to try maintaining a relationship to Nihit; however, he will have us. I do not think we could stop thinking. So, where his therapist says not to hang with others that will make him think - including the Sunday Council meeting, our psychiatrist, says of course you can think and feel and write your heart out. It is the gold-bar standard of care we get. It makes all this other sound harsh. - We are affecting Multiplicity by ... (End 11:31AM continue) (Beginning 3:50PM continue) - We talked to Nihit again for a few moments - about a half-hour, give or take. He has had a particularly valuable experience giving a presentation for his aunt's work group. In the time we talked, some of the time went to Ginney, who wanted to be outside, though did not need to REALLY go to the bathroom. - He teased us more seriously about not liking the presentation of our face to him. We are still seeing him like a ghost we can know about, but who is ethereal (extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world). We do not know what to be feeling and as a group it is yet more confusing, because we hold so many relationships to him. - He was cranky when we mentioned being a Multiple because of things we were feeling and not understanding. Eventually - well, it did not take too long, but he got us to smile. It was fleeting. We got the result of being able to be online together visually. He is working on Milo's 9th workshop, and we are here writing. I do not know who I would be if Dr. Marvin told us we could not write or think. We are just hearing it wrong from Nihit. He seemed more focused though so that is good. Not as happy, that it is 2:30AM for him. - It makes me feel seriously sad that he does not understand our Multiplicity. He works the parts to the one that suits him best. Our thing is to adapt. That is what we feel we are doing now. It makes me feel ... unloved. It would be a good think to suggest again here that we have pointed to the terms abandoned and dependent. ### Note Making - Ideas Log - Are there any burning ideas to scramble down quickly? - How are the words, "abandoned" and "dependent" negotiated right now? - Are there unanswered questions from the day? - What do I know that connects these two feelings with feelings from the past? - First thought of abandonment was in realizing that I hadn't been kissed or hugged for a long while (maybe about 4 years of age), and then realized that although we were holding back, no one was interested or participated in that expression until we were in college and under pressure of my grandmother and mother coming to school (volleyball accident - teeth braced).

- She was in front of others including my dorm
mates and realizing she was going to hug us ... we felt horrified. We got through it, but never over it. It was them that stopped hugging/kissing us at the age of five. It had something to do with knowledge of my Grandfather raping us. - That is about the time the two Casies (KC), were there. From my understanding, my father told us that my mother said it was him sexually abusing me, instead of it being my grandfather. I was like a hot potato. Untouchable. I felt non-human (a creature that is not a human being) and ostracized (exclude (someone) from a society or group). I could not stand being dependent on these people. It still hurts to think of them as our family. My whole life was a bad trick. - The second image that came to us was a familiar image of myself standing alone outside the locked house in the driveway looking at snapdragons. I was about six years old. The family was going to my Grandparents in Minneapolis 30-45 minutes away. I must have gone back in the house to get something, and when we came back outside, they were gone. - It was only 10-20 minutes but to someone "abandoned," it seemed like a million years. I think in our head we felt hurt at first, but then buckled up and started planning a new life. it took Scott and CS a while to convince them that I really was not in the car. The long part was them caring enough to turn around to check it out. - I blamed for not being in the right spot and the right time. I was depressed that they came back. I did not want to depend on these people. - Idea Expansion (Nick Milo) - How is this new idea (note) relevant to the question(s) I am considering? - abandoned (having deserted or cast off). - dependent (requiring someone or something for financial, emotional, or other support). - What mental illness causes loneliness? - Personality disorder: The various personality disorders associated with loneliness include **borderline personality disorder and schizoid personality disorder** [31,32] Intolerance of aloneness considered a core feature of borderline personality disorder (BPD). - What do you call someone sexually abused/neglected before the age of four. - mental injury, physical injury, and sexual exploitation are all part of sexual abuse and neglect - To be sexually assaulted means - The term sexual assault refers to **sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim**. Some forms of sexual assault include Attempted rape. Fondling or unwanted sexual touching. Forcing a victim to perform sexual acts, such as oral sex or penetrating the perpetrator's body. - What are the three sides of the abuser triangle? - The three typical roles in the trauma triangle include the **victim, rescuer and perpetrator or persecutor**. Trauma survivors will enact all three roles at contrasting times. Mar 11, 2020

- victim - us (an untouchable/distorted self-perception) - perpetrator -
Grandfather, parents - rescuer - accidentally my grandmother - Why does Drama Triangle happen? - A drama triangle happens when a situation calls for someone to feel like a victim or a persecutor. They then take on one of these roles. This person then enlists the rescuer into the situation. Each role is acting selfishly to fulfil their needs, e.g., for the persecutor to blame someone. Jul 20, 2021 - Part of the sense of abandonment we might be feeling (Nihit), is that we are a victim to "something/someone" who left us unprepared at too early of an age, and we are looking to be rescued - perhaps a perpetual sense of **dependency** - because in some way we are still being mentally abused by self or other. Our needs still do not feel met. We need others (rescuers) to help. Nihit’s therapist is trying to get Nihit to stand-up/help himself. #2022-10-17 ## 2022-10-17 – Evidence 14C – We Have Not Been Able to Recall Much ### Idea Is this idea (note) like or different from the others to which I am comparing it to? - It is now Monday 10/17/22 - three days after writing the above. We have had the weekend to get through - we did not have time to get back to answering this session, although we had set up to do it on Sunday. Saturday, we came onto the computer about 9AM (Rich was home). We have not been able to recall much of Saturday. Sunday was more memorable in that we had gone to Sunday's meeting, but then spent the entirety of the day with Rich on the couches, or cleaning/clothes with him. - We have read over the ideas but have not been able to hold much together. A big part was in turning the situation with Nihit around in our mind, and then the second part was connecting that situation to the two terms from Dr. Marvin's session. They "abandoned" and "dependent." It is an easy jump to see that the situation connected to Nihit with his therapist and her pulling him back to many of his unique and

loving qualities of thoughts and considerations connected to the two
terms, meaning we were feeling, although dependent on him, we were feeling abandoned. Several situations connected to being younger and within the same track. - Do my present thoughts (notes) agree or disagree with one another? - The present thoughts seem to agree to our thoughts and feelings. They should not in that ... it does not mean Nihit is gone from me, just that he must be spending more time working through some of his issues through his therapist, and that is going to take away time. It does not mean that Nihit is gone from our life, it means he just needs time to focus on his own psychology. He would never stand between me and Dr. Marvin, and we should never stand between him and his psychologist. - I think in this case ... it is not real abandonment. He is still here, it just means he will be on other topics while we share the same screen, or while he is away from it getting more time to be out in the world. Both those things would be good for him, and as a side-product, they give me more time to balance out my priorities. Lastly, it will make us both more efficient in our time and friendship. - Are there other connections that I may like to make between my ideas (notes)? - There were some two stories from childhood that came back while thinking/writing, but there was also the thought of there being an abuser triangle, or a drama triangle. In each (same term now until we can better define it), there is a persecutor, a victim, and a rescuer. It seems as a trio - the terms defined than ours as an abuser or abused because they are more specific to the crime. That was one of the things that we had thought through while researching several months ago. In a sense, for the time being both our therapists are rescuers, with the goal, that Nihit and I learn to rescue ourselves. Within the triangle, each role is acting selfishly for oneself. I would like to say this was not the immediate situation as a child. If the child through Multiplicity or other is taking care of self on their own, it is not selfish ... more self- protective. - But those feelings of dependency could trigger by things that happen to us in everyday life, like our schedules changing between us. In these situations, we must dismiss ourselves from labeling Nihit's psychologist as a persecutor. I do like the sense as well of adult/parent/child but see where this other triad if more psychologically useful. We are going to need evaluating this idea, but we should ask Dr. Marvin, "Does almost every situation where we become or feel dependent (realized yet or not), we are actually acting through - victimization from the past." When we attack the therapist for doing something wrong between me and Nihit's relationship, then we turn into the persecutor. - Also, although we have pledged to be accountable (Nihit and us), we become persecutors if we assume responsibility for each other's actual time in space. It can become very judgmental. We need to step out of condemnation and allow the other to self-correct WITH no I-told-you-so. I also do not have the right to "abandon my good intentions toward work," just because Nihit is not working on his self-proscribed session. - The last part is better understanding one of the results is being lonely. That is one of the connections that both Nihit and us were feeling before we met. Or at least sometimes, we feel lonely when the other is gone. This pertains more to the dependent role. It is a situation that tied in dependencies. I guess we should better understand the positive relationship we have succeeded on together, so we do not have to hobble in the negative, or at least, the unexplored.

- Also just housekeeping, but we should both set the
50-minute (or other) timer just in case the other must walk away. That makes us both accountable for our own time. And, in the process we did have a break, so Nihit and us corrected another housekeeping situation. He recommended that we used our Anne & Nihit vault to keep our session notes. They are more an indication of what we propose to accomplish. We can be filling these in with or without each other. I am very in love with the idea. A little competitive too? Throughout the day if we are both putting in sessions, then one may get ahead of the other. This would be a good incentive to keep going. *silly grin* Lastly, the last housekeeping task was to turn on soft music. It leads to not jumping back into the news. We can listen to news for only one hour while eating lunch. - The 7C's of Note-making (Nick Milo) - Create - A Note ... of some intrinsic value to us - Both Nihit and Us, assisted by our own psychologists, in helping us find our own sense of balance. We can understand, each is independently accountable, responsible, and works/plays with intentionality. We have personal goals with Nihit, as to holding our relationship with loyalty and family love. - Sometimes we triggered to responding through a negative frame of mind, experience, thought, or feeling so that our minds go the route of sensing abandonment, dependency, or loneliness. We both have these similar issues, and more. - Most often these expressions originated through our early childhood experiences and best let go of by resolving and reframing the bad memories to be more acceptable, and then letting the nightmares go, monster by monster. - No matter what, we have survived and thrived. We learned about the roles of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. But now as adults, we can figure each of these roles are now in actuality, only selfish ways to respond to one another. The roles will stunt our better drives and disturb our finding of relationships that match our much stronger selves. We can do better through our own positive efforts - and with that, we can honestly say, "we're working on it, and are doing well!" #2022-10-17

## 2022-10-18 – Evidence 14D – Trying To Make Things
Work - Connect - It reminds me of ..., It is related to ..., Or It is a part of ... - It reminds me that we are thinking too hard in trying to make things work. Now it is the day after (Now - Tuesday 10/18/22) and we are still in a sluggish place toward getting things done. We did have an enjoyable time talking to Christiaan and Nihit, until NIHIT called Ginney over ... like really? Teasing. Let us try thinking again - but LIGHTLY! - This paragraph above for "creating," reminds me of something relatable in that while we were in the Mental Hospital, at time when we are sharing the experience of having therapists like our peers. They warned us in their own way of not going into that kind of comparison work with each other, but it was inevitable. Many times, we were sharing the same doctors. We have run it past Dr. Marvin enough to know that it is up to me (us) to make those kinds of decisions, like he is allowing it to be up to us to decide how much of his notes to share with others. It always ends up being generous. I do not know if Nihit's therapist is that secure, or if in general, how she would think of that kind of open sharing. - There are other parts of the creating paragraphs, which thought of here. In general, the four sections are that are all part of the whole. - To set-down our assumption for relationships between the four players. - To illustrate our problem-seeking/feeling capacities. - To elaborate where the initial problems stored, and what the problems are. - To appreciate that we have done well so far, and of working toward further growth. - Clarify - What is it, really? How is it clearer? Powerfully? It is important because ... - I think the situation is that sometimes when infants are born, or they grow through childhood, they pick up traumas, which are so severe, that the effect stored in the brain/body memory boxes. As they grow to be adults, they are better able to support or find supports to assist them, instead of living life in the familiar pain from previous times. - In Nihit and our situation, we have both found therapists. Our psychiatrist has been collaborating with us for 23 years, and Nihit's psychologist has collaborated with him for 5 weeks. Our sessions intended to be long-term, and Nihit's intended to be short termed (15 weeks). - Each party will work as they may, but the general benefit is to become a more outstanding human being of the finest capabilities, in our case through finding and chasing out over time the terrifying situations that falter us without notice, at any given moment. - Color - If it could utter a single line, it would say ... It is like ... I have experienced this as ... - Mastering a fleet of flaming dragons

- Critique - It is good/bad because ... It is
similar/different to BLANK because ... A related fact is ... A quote is ... - I believe that everyone cuffed to his own battalion of dragons, but sometimes we can help each other through similar adventures. I have no reason to believe that Nihit is a Multiple who survived sexual abuse, but he is even more intelligent and with sensitivities, so he suffered and surpassed unintentional neglect. That is our opinion, not his. I feel as if our fleets align right now, and we are taking similar strides forward. I know that we each find tremendous relish in each other's company, with each having an uncommon form built toward learning. - Cite - Where did these thoughts come from? External references are ... - These thoughts are of our imagination and conversation with Nihit, and through writing forms suggested by Dr. Marvin and Nick Milo. - Curate - Collect and reorganize the paragraphs, so they fit better in a dialogue ... Hold a narrative conversation ... in which order? ## Curated Copy of the 7c's Note 16 - Mastering a fleet of flaming dragons Everyone has his own battalion of dragons, but sometimes we can help each other through similar adventures. I have no reason to believe that Nihit is a Multiple who survived sexual abuse, but he is even more intelligent and with sensitivities, so he suffered, but surpassed unintentional effects of neglect. Whoops! Finding now Nihit might disagree, but this will then be for later. This is our opinion, not necessarily his. Right now, I feel as if our fleets aligned, and we are taking similar strides forward. I know that we each find tremendous relish in each other's company, with each having an uncommon form established toward self-learning. - Both Nihit and Us, assisted by our own psychologists, in helping us find our own sense of balance. We can understand, both Nihit and ourselves are independently accountable, responsible, and work/play with intentionality. As well, we have personal goals with Nihit, as to holding our relationship through loyalty and the love of sharing ourselves and families. - Sometimes we trigger to responding through a negative frame of mind, experience, thought, or feeling so that our minds go the route of sensing abandonment, dependency, or loneliness. We both have these similar issues, and more. - Most often these expressions originated through our early childhood experiences and let go of by resolving and reframing the bad memories to be more acceptable, and then letting the nightmares go, monster by monster. - No matter what, we have survived and thrived. A new thought is that we are learning about the roles of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. And, now as adults, we can figure each of these roles are only selfish ways to respond to one another. The uneven roles will stunt our better drives and disturb our finding of relationships that match our much stronger selves. We can do better through our own positive efforts

- I think the general situation is that sometimes when
infants are born, or they grow through childhood, they pick up traumas, which are so severe, that the effect stored in the brain/body memory boxes. As they grow to be adults, we are better able to support or find supports to assist ourselves, which might be an initial step, but then another step might be - instead of living life in the familiar pain from previous times, we might create for ourselves a better life in the present - such as consciously stretching or assisting the brain to fire neurons seeking other newer-better designed pathways that might be more beneficial to us. - In Nihit and our support system, we have both found separate therapists in separate countries. Our psychiatrist collaborating with us for 23 years, and Nihit's psychologist has collaborated with him for 5 weeks. Our sessions intended to be long-term (life-long), and Nihit's intended short-termed (15 weeks). - Each party will work as they may, but the general benefit is to become a more outstanding human being of the finest capabilities, in our case through finding and chasing over time the terrifying situations that falter us without notice, to a point where at any given moment - we have learned to grow - extending and expressing ourselves and our work outward. In a more connective sense, we beat the odds - especially, including self-isolation. Sharing and comparing therapists reminds me of something relatable, in that, while we were patients in the Mental Hospital long ago, we also shared with our peers the experience of having therapists at the same time. The staff warned us in their own way of not going into talkative sharing work with each other, but it was inevitable. We were living in the same tight space, and many times we were sharing the same doctors. At this time, we have run the privacy aspects past Dr. Marvin enough to know that it is up to me (us) to make those kinds of altruistic decisions - sharing understandings, if we wish. He is allowing it to be up to us to decide even how much of his notes to share with others. It always ends up being generous in a mindful manner. - For now, it is like the establishment of game rules. I do not know if Nihit's therapist is of that kind of security yet, or in general, how she would think of that kind of open sharing of conversations. - At this point in our four-way therapists'/patients' relationship, we are looking at setting down boundaries whereas: There are four sections, which are all part of the whole. - To set-down our assumption for relationships between the four players. - To illustrate our problem-seeking/feeling capacities. - To elaborate where the initial problems stored, what the problems are, and how to reframe them, so that we can live in the excitement of the present and not the exasperated feelings of the past. - To appreciate that we have done well so far, and of the joy found working toward further growth. Citation: These thoughts are of our imagination and conversation with Nihit, and through writing forms suggested by Dr. Marvin and Nick Milo. ### Anne & Nihit

- Both selves - Perspective - Are we helping ourselves
before helping others? How? Let us make this a respectable job! Do not distract! - What difficulties are we having focused on the day outlined? Get your head back in the game! - Between us - Nihit and Anne - How was today a gift through Nihit/Ann conversation? - In what way are Nihit and us helping each other today - have we rallied!?? - What could Nihit and us accomplish by talking together with Dr. Marvin?

Chapter 13 - 14 Medical appointments

Chapter 13 - 14 Medical appointments

Ann

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#2022-10-11 ## 2022-10-11 – Evidence 13A – Appointments to Nephrologist

- Review of home videos ongoing. The goal remains to

- Working to maintain progress with writing projects and balance

- A Very Good Morning - How was sleep last

- We just had breakfast with Rich. Not a lot

- Hey, you ... the wedding earlier this week was

- What has been going well? - We are feeling

- Nihit says, that he will still listen to me

- Our brain, at this point, psyched out. I want

therapist taught not to retraumatize the patient. But here with

- She was in front of others including my dorm

- victim - us (an untouchable/distorted self-perception) - perpetrator -

loving qualities of thoughts and considerations connected to the two

- Also just housekeeping, but we should both set the

## 2022-10-18 – Evidence 14D – Trying To Make Things

- Critique - It is good/bad because ... It is

- I think the general situation is that sometimes when

- Both selves - Perspective - Are we helping ourselves