Confronting difficult conversations

How comfortable are you with workplace situations that lead to conflict? Needing to confront someone puts us in a fight, flight, or freeze response, which is a physical stress condition. Wouldn't it be nice to feel more at ease when in these situations? Or at least have a plan for the conversation?

In this session, you will learn a framework to approach a confrontation, while Elle and Lachlan will role-play a scenario from an engineering team.

Transcript

1. Confronting Di cult Conversations Elle Meredith & Lachlan Hardy Web Directions Code Leaders | 2023 blackmill.co
2. Why are we here?
3. Should we have this confrontation at all?
4. Should we have this confrontation at all? • A promise has clearly been broken • Trying to accept the behaviour but bothered by it • Choosing to by quiet over the risk of speaking up • Nagging conscience
5. What expectations are not being met? • Confrontation can be valuable when expectations are unmet • A gap between expectation and reality
6. Clarity about expectations is important
7. Let’s rst understand the problem
8. What are the consequences?
9. What are our priorities?
10. Empathy
11. Let’s summarise Situation Expectations? How many times? Negative results? Priorities? Possible why’s?
12. Looking inward Self-reflection
13. Understanding negative behaviour
14. Personal Social Structural Motivation Personal Social Structural Ability Assessing the issue
15. Motivation • Link to values • Encourage long term thinking • Highlight others • Hold up a mirror
16. Ability • Create a safe space • Ask permission • Solve it jointly • Be an enabler • Ask ve why’s • Consider long-term solutions
17. • Choose the right place and time • Establish mutual respect • Establish mutual purpose • Describe the gap • ASK • A question or a request How should we initiate the conversation?
18. What if things go wrong during the confrontation?
19. Establishing a new normal • Clarify what needs to be done very clearly • Make a plan • Decide on follow up • Follow up!
20. THANK YOU Elle Meredith & Lachlan Hardy Web Directions Code Leaders | 2023 blackmill.co