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HOWTO Empathy

HOWTO Empathy

A primer for developers on how I taught myself to be more empathetic. There are a few notes available on the version uploaded at: http://www.slideshare.net/emmajane/howto-empathy

Emma Jane Hogbin Westby

November 07, 2014
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  1. HOWTO Empathy
    A primer on how I taught myself to be more empathetic.
    Emma Jane Hogbin Westby
    @emmajanehw

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  2. This is a Touchy
    Feely Woo woo talk.

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  3. “I can’t even imagine.”

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  5. –Temple Grandin
    Normal people have an incredible
    lack of empathy.

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  6. define: empathy
    The ability to understand and share
    the feelings of another.

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  7. –Stephen Covey
    When you show
    deep empathy toward others,
    their defensive energy goes down,
    and positive energy replaces it.

    That's when you can get more
    creative in solving problems.

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  8. define: Sympathy
    The feelings of pity and sorrow
    for someone else's misfortune.

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  9. Why?

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  10. – Ben Parr
    Entrepreneurs may be brutally
    honest, but fostering relationships
    with partners and building
    enduring communities requires
    empathy, self-sacrifice and a
    willingness to help others without
    expecting anything in return.

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  11. – Ben Parr & Me
    Developers may be brutally
    honest, but fostering relationships
    with partners and building
    enduring communities requires
    empathy, self-sacrifice and a
    willingness to help others without
    expecting anything in return.

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  12. Think different

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  13. Think different

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  14. Think Deliberate

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  15. “How can I help

    [this|you|me]

    to be more awesome?”

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  16. Why do you build
    software?

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  17. And why do you
    Do that?

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  18. My “Why”
    to understand and transform obstacles
    to achieve a state of flow.

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  19. Practicing Empathy

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  20. – Neil Gaiman
    Empathy is a tool for building
    people into groups, for allowing us
    to function as more than self-
    obsessed individuals.

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  21. Level 1.
    Caring just enough
    Difficulty — Beginner.

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  22. Rewards
    • Improves team cohesion.
    • Improves capacity for diversity
    of thought.
    • Requires a time investment.
    Risks

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  23. Collect stories.
    Learn about people by asking them questions.

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  24. STFU and listen.
    Listen until there is no more story.
    Then respond.

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  25. Refer back.
    Follow-up on a previous story

    to get the next instalment.

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  26. –Molly Ringwald
    Compartmentalisation
    is way overrated.

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  27. Level 2.
    Thinking Strategies
    Difficulty — Intermediate.

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  28. Rewards
    • Improves your ability to
    “manipulate” situations into
    successful outcomes.
    • Requires a time investment.
    Risks

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  29. Uncover motivators.
    Unpack why a person behaves the way they do.

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  30. WWXD?

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  31. Thinking Strategies
    Decision-Making
    validate
    values-driven
    experience
    crux
    trust your heart
    conclude
    Understanding
    clarify
    empathise
    tune-in
    scan
    express
    structure
    Creativity
    brainstorm
    challenge
    reframe
    envision
    flow
    flash of insight

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  32. Creative Thinking
    brainstorm
    challenge
    reframe
    envision
    flow
    flash of insight

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  33. Common Phrases For a

    Creative Thinker
    • “Can we try ...”
    • “I know we’re done, but what about ...”
    • “OMG! I just had this great idea ...”
    • “Have you thought about doing it like this
    instead ...”

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  34. Analytical Thinking
    clarify
    empathise
    tune-in
    scan
    express
    structure

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  35. Common Phrases For an

    Analytical Thinker
    • “So what you’re saying is ...”
    • “Just to clarify ...”
    • “Can you tell me how ...”
    • “Is this related to ...”
    • “So I made this spreadsheet ...”
    • “That must feel horrible!”

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  36. Decision Thinking
    validate
    values-driven
    experience
    crux
    gut instinct
    conclude

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  37. Common Phrases For a

    Decision Thinker
    • “I’m ready to move on to ...”
    • “We’ve already made a decision …”
    • “I don’t know why I think this, but ...”
    • “Last time we tried this ...”
    • “So I think the real problem is ...”
    • “My gut tells me ...”

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  38. Structure Interactions
    for desired Outcomes

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  39. The biggest mistake is believing
    that there is just one right way
    to listen, to talk, to have a connection
    or a relationship.
    Deborah Tannen

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  40. Level 3.
    Imagination
    Difficulty — Advanced

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  41. Rewards
    • Improves your ability to
    “manipulate” situations into
    successful outcomes.
    • Requires a greater time
    investment.
    • Can be overwhelming to
    highly sensitive people.
    • Can make you doubt your own
    value / self-worth.
    Risks

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  42. Use your imagination.
    Complain from the other perspective.

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  48. –Maya Angelou
    I think we all have empathy.

    We may not have

    enough courage to display it.

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  49. Practicing Empathy
    • Level 1: Care just enough to learn more about a
    person’s life.
    • Level 2: Use thinking strategies to structure
    interactions.
    • Level 3: Use your imagination to complain from the
    other’s perspective.

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  50. Empathy for self.

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  51. Empathy for others.

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  52. @emmajanehw
    http://joind.in/talk/view/12702

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