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HOWTO Empathy

HOWTO Empathy

A primer for developers on how I taught myself to be more empathetic. There are a few notes available on the version uploaded at: http://www.slideshare.net/emmajane/howto-empathy

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Emma Jane Hogbin Westby

November 07, 2014
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Transcript

  1. HOWTO Empathy A primer on how I taught myself to

    be more empathetic. Emma Jane Hogbin Westby @emmajanehw
  2. This is a Touchy Feely Woo woo talk.

  3. “I can’t even imagine.”

  4. None
  5. –Temple Grandin Normal people have an incredible lack of empathy.

  6. define: empathy The ability to understand and share the feelings

    of another.
  7. –Stephen Covey When you show deep empathy toward others, their

    defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it.
 That's when you can get more creative in solving problems.
  8. define: Sympathy The feelings of pity and sorrow for someone

    else's misfortune.
  9. Why?

  10. – Ben Parr Entrepreneurs may be brutally honest, but fostering

    relationships with partners and building enduring communities requires empathy, self-sacrifice and a willingness to help others without expecting anything in return.
  11. – Ben Parr & Me Developers may be brutally honest,

    but fostering relationships with partners and building enduring communities requires empathy, self-sacrifice and a willingness to help others without expecting anything in return.
  12. Think different

  13. Think different

  14. Think Deliberate

  15. “How can I help
 [this|you|me]
 to be more awesome?”

  16. Why do you build software?

  17. And why do you Do that?

  18. My “Why” to understand and transform obstacles to achieve a

    state of flow.
  19. Practicing Empathy

  20. – Neil Gaiman Empathy is a tool for building people

    into groups, for allowing us to function as more than self- obsessed individuals.
  21. Level 1. Caring just enough Difficulty — Beginner.

  22. Rewards • Improves team cohesion. • Improves capacity for diversity

    of thought. • Requires a time investment. Risks
  23. Collect stories. Learn about people by asking them questions.

  24. STFU and listen. Listen until there is no more story.

    Then respond.
  25. Refer back. Follow-up on a previous story
 to get the

    next instalment.
  26. –Molly Ringwald Compartmentalisation is way overrated.

  27. Level 2. Thinking Strategies Difficulty — Intermediate.

  28. Rewards • Improves your ability to “manipulate” situations into successful

    outcomes. • Requires a time investment. Risks
  29. Uncover motivators. Unpack why a person behaves the way they

    do.
  30. WWXD?

  31. Thinking Strategies Decision-Making validate values-driven experience crux trust your heart

    conclude Understanding clarify empathise tune-in scan express structure Creativity brainstorm challenge reframe envision flow flash of insight
  32. Creative Thinking brainstorm challenge reframe envision flow flash of insight

  33. Common Phrases For a
 Creative Thinker • “Can we try

    ...” • “I know we’re done, but what about ...” • “OMG! I just had this great idea ...” • “Have you thought about doing it like this instead ...”
  34. Analytical Thinking clarify empathise tune-in scan express structure

  35. Common Phrases For an
 Analytical Thinker • “So what you’re

    saying is ...” • “Just to clarify ...” • “Can you tell me how ...” • “Is this related to ...” • “So I made this spreadsheet ...” • “That must feel horrible!”
  36. Decision Thinking validate values-driven experience crux gut instinct conclude

  37. Common Phrases For a
 Decision Thinker • “I’m ready to

    move on to ...” • “We’ve already made a decision …” • “I don’t know why I think this, but ...” • “Last time we tried this ...” • “So I think the real problem is ...” • “My gut tells me ...”
  38. Structure Interactions for desired Outcomes

  39. The biggest mistake is believing that there is just one

    right way to listen, to talk, to have a connection or a relationship. Deborah Tannen
  40. Level 3. Imagination Difficulty — Advanced

  41. Rewards • Improves your ability to “manipulate” situations into successful

    outcomes. • Requires a greater time investment. • Can be overwhelming to highly sensitive people. • Can make you doubt your own value / self-worth. Risks
  42. Use your imagination. Complain from the other perspective.

  43. None
  44. None
  45. None
  46. None
  47. None
  48. –Maya Angelou I think we all have empathy.
 We may

    not have
 enough courage to display it.
  49. Practicing Empathy • Level 1: Care just enough to learn

    more about a person’s life. • Level 2: Use thinking strategies to structure interactions. • Level 3: Use your imagination to complain from the other’s perspective.
  50. Empathy for self.

  51. Empathy for others.

  52. @emmajanehw http://joind.in/talk/view/12702