Cat-DNS: a DNS server that resolves everything to cats

The internet needs more cats. DNS servers are the authority on all things internet. Therefore, the best DNS server is the one that resolves everything to cats. This talk is about that.

Do you think DNS is scary/arcane/confusing? Nope! I'll show you how you can write your own DNS server in less than 200 lines of JavaScript. With cats. We're going to walk through the basics and find out how DNS servers work, how you can talk to a DNS server if you're a browser, and how to talk back to a browser if you are a DNS server.

By the end, you'll know how to what a static IP is, why dig is a hilarious tool if you want to mess around with the internet, how you can write your own DNS server and perhaps most importantly, why you probably shouldn't. And have I mentioned the cats? There will definitely be cats.

Videos of this talk:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDPhW9P44fI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvwAIiledvo

Transcript

1. MORE CATS THE INTERNET needs
3. I’M MONICA @notwaldorf
4. DNS
5. DNS domeow name system
6. DNS GOOGLE.COM ☛ 74.125.226.134
7. CAT-DNS GOOGLE.COM ☛ cats? cats!!
10. EVEN? HOW DOES it
11. UDP USER DATAMEOW PROTOCOL
12. UDP it’s the honey badger
13. 8.8.8.8
14. 8.8.8.8 800,000 rEq/sec
15. 8.8.8.8 70 billion rEq/day
16. 8.8.8.8 avg: 45 ms
17. CAT-DNS avg: 7 ms
18. CAT-DNS but only knows cats
19. so basically
20. www.images.google.com? YOU DNS
21. www.images.google.com? YOU DNS images.google.com TTL: 5 minutes ip: 74.125.226.104
22. DOMAIN Name Server RNS www.images.google.com? YOU
23. Recursive Name Server RNS www.images.google.com? YOU
24. RNS www.images.google.com? I DON’T KNOW BUT I CAN ASK YOU
25. ROOT RNS images.google.com? ROOT NAME SERVER YOU
26. ROOT RNS .com .org .biz I KNOW THE TLDS YOU images.google.com?
27. ROOT RNS .com ASK THE .COM SERVER YOU images.google.com?
28. ROOT RNS .COM YOU images.google.com?
29. ROOT RNS .COM I’M GETTING HUNGRY YOU
30. ROOT RNS .COM google yahoo imgur YOU images.google.com?
31. ROOT RNS .COM GOOGLE YOU images.google.com?
32. ROOT RNS .COM GOOGLE authoritative YOU images.google.com?
33. ROOT RNS .COM GOOGLE 74.125.226.135 YOU images.google.com?
34. 74.125.226.135 ROOT RNS .COM GOOGLE YOU
35. ROOT RNS .COM GOOGLE YOU yay !
37. CACHING ain’t no one got time
38. TTL time to live
39. browser cache chrome://net-internals/#dns
41. WORKS FOR ME BUT not for you…wat?!
42. www.whatsmydns.net
43. DANGER ZONE what can go wrong?
44. DANGER ZONE cache poisoning
45. ROOT RNS .COM images.google.com? YOU
46. ROOT RNS .COM ☢ YOU images.google.com TTL: 10000 minutes ip: 66.000.000.66 images.google.com?
47. ROOT RNS .COM ☢ YOU trololololololol images.google.com?
49. THE RFC? DID YOU EVEN read
50. (no)
51. REALTALK 1987 RFCS ARE PAINFUL RFCS
53. your cat * how to spy on * if your cat is a DNS server
54. NSLOOKUP use: nslookup google.com
58. DIG use: dig google.com
69. ❤
71. 9:30 am yay, code! because
72. “I'LL OFTEN DROP DOWN TO NODE.JS IF I REALLY NEED TO BE CLOSE TO THE METAL” - SOMEONE ON HACKER NEWS
73. require(‘node-bitarray’) ! require(‘buffer’).Buffer ! require(‘dgram’) ! require(‘ip’)
74. var dnsServer = dgram.createSocket('udp4'); dnsServer.bind(53,'localhost'); ! dnsServer.on('message', function (msg, rinfo) { // Parse message. // Transmogrify into response. // Resolve to cat-service OR imgur. // Giggle. ! dnsServer.send(=^_^=); }
75. var dnsServer = dgram.createSocket('udp4'); dnsServer.bind(53,'localhost'); ! dnsServer.on('message', function (msg, rinfo) { // Parse message. // Transmogrify into response. // Resolve to cat-service OR imgur. // Giggle. ! dnsServer.send(=^_^=); }
76. var dnsServer = dgram.createSocket('udp4'); dnsServer.bind(53,'localhost'); ! dnsServer.on('message', function (msg, rinfo) { // Parse message. // Transmogrify into response. // Resolve to cat-service OR imgur. // Giggle. ! dnsServer.send(=^_^=); }
77. var dnsServer = dgram.createSocket('udp4'); dnsServer.bind(53,'localhost'); ! dnsServer.on('message', function (msg, rinfo) { // Parse message. // Transmogrify into response. // Resolve to cat-service OR imgur. // Giggle. ! dnsServer.send(=^_^=); }
78. var dnsServer = dgram.createSocket('udp4'); dnsServer.bind(53,'localhost'); ! dnsServer.on('message', function (msg, rinfo) { // Parse message. // Transmogrify into response. // Resolve to cat-service OR imgur. // Giggle. ! dnsServer.send(=^_^=); }
79. var dnsServer = dgram.createSocket('udp4'); dnsServer.bind(53,'localhost'); ! dnsServer.on('message', function (msg, rinfo) { // Parse message. // Transmogrify into response. // Resolve to cat-service OR imgur. // Giggle. ! dnsServer.send(=^_^=); }
80. var dnsServer = dgram.createSocket('udp4'); dnsServer.bind(53,'localhost'); ! dnsServer.on('message', function (msg, rinfo) { // Parse message. // Transmogrify into response. // Resolve to cat-service OR imgur. // Giggle. ! dnsServer.send(=^_^=); }
81. imgur how to be a cat authority
83. NO lessons some lessons are better than
84. what now? slow dns means less cats
85. what now? pick a faster one
86. what now? host your own? bind!
87. what now? get around geolocation
88. what now? https:// /notwaldorf/cat-dns
89. what now? STEALING WIFI JUST GOT WEIRD
90. @notwaldorf ❤