Pöny - The Greatest Pitch Deck Ever

This is our perfect pitch deck we're sending out to investors. You can learn so much from it. Also we'll be a #BillionDollarIdea. Or do you think anybody will want to ride a scooter, if they also can ride a Pony instead?

Transcript

1. – HYPER CONFIDENTIAL – Page 1 of 4289 The Mobility Revolution
2. The Problem E-scooters suck!
3. Uncomfortable Dangerous Hideous E-scooters are…
4. $935M raised Just got $250M from an investor that is ALWAYS right! $623M raised with that weird logo (they don’t even rent out birds!) But: Investors love them!
5. And: More players coming Launching soon, crazy hipster CEO, apparently MASSIVE war chest
6. Why does nobody see the CLEARLY superior solution?
7. PONIES
8. Super smooth Super safe Super cute Ponies are…
9. Also, Ponies are an absolute MEGA-TREND right now:
10. People want them!
11. • Pony King Biggest show on Netflix!
12. • WAP Wet Ass Pony Smash hit “Wet Ass Pony”!
13. Hot blonde Pony solo on a green meadow Gorgeous Shetland Pony having fun in the mountains Hot Pony Videos in Iceland Hairy Iceland Pony looking for companionship Pony getting the Iceland summer sun straight in the face Just a pretty Pony eating some hay in Mongolia Closeup of amateur Pony first time on camera Ponyhub PONY VIDEOS PONYSTARS PONY Ponyhub Ads By Pony Junky No. 1 global website!
14. That’s where we come in, with our GENIUS SOLUTION:
15. Rental Ponies for everyone, everywhere
16. Our amazing brand and unique logo
17. (The umlaut was an idea our Über driver had the other day – great guy, might offer him an internship!)
18. Our amazing and unique app design
19. This will work in big cities…
20. …the suburbs…
21. …and even abroad!
22. Products for all Use Cases
23. Okay, we know what you’re thinking:
24. “Sounds amazing, but can you execute the tech?” - Every Guy in a Vest right now
25. Yes. Our beta already offers different modes: (Including everybody’s favorite…)
26. …DARK MODE!
27. We’ve performed well in early benchmarking tests!
28. “I love riding on Pöny™. It’s so comfortable, I don’t even need a shirt!” - Vlad P., Pony Lover Testimonial Beta testers are super excited:
29. We have even figured out the charging infrastructure:
30. Supercarrot Network™
31. Our product is amazing, but our COMPANY CULTURE will ensure our success:
32. Strong Company Values We don’t mistreat our employees!
33. Main KPI: NPS (Net Pony Satisfaction)
34. Pony Spa
35. Mental Health Support
36. 50 Shades of Hay Standing Desks
37. Freedom to work on other projects (“20% time”)
38. My co-founder even brings them muffins – he’s the motherly type.
39. (Funny story, I found him through this tweet!)
40. Our company motto is…
41. …lived every day by our employees!
42. Our business model is very simple:
43. to unlock per mile
44. But we have additional revenue streams:
45. Branding Partnerships Standard
46. Branding Partnerships Localized
47. We also sell Pony Manure as fertilizer*, giving us a strong…
48. Weed Tech angle! *Does not make weed taste like poop
49. And we have strong aftermarket potential!
50. So how do we market our amazing product?
51. “WILL THIS GO VIRAL?” - Every Guy in a Vest right now
52. Hell no! Nobody wants to be LIKE A VIRUS in 2020. Instead, we’ll be…
53. VIRAL
54. * She has PhDs from Harvard in Microbiology, Macrobiology, Bacteriology, and Business Ethics And we already found a great consultant* to help us achieve this!
55. We also have great print ads planned:
57. And our influencer marketing will be FIRE:
59. ALL influencers want to be part of it!
60. “But can I really be sure this will work?” - Every Guy in a Vest right now
61. Well, do these guys’ predictions mean anything to you?
62. Episode “Ponies Rule”, February 15, 1954
63. Okay, then let’s talk about why we’re here: FUNDRAISING!
64. Shitty Has Ponies Has No Ponies Awesome We have a clear USP:
65. 2019 2020 2021 2022 2023 2024 2025 2026 2027 2028 2029 2030 2031 2032 *conservatively estimated Our (conservative!) revenue estimates* give you the perfect hockey stick every investor is looking for:
66. Team CEO CMO Chief Equine Officer Chief Muffin Officer CFO Creative Financing Officer We have a kick-ass…
67. Blacky (Stable Genius) Advisory Board Lucky (Stable Genius) Donald Trump And an amazing…
68. The World’s 1st #Ponycorn We’re raising $50M to build…
69. This guy is already camping in front of our office…
70. But we’d prefer this guy: (I mean, talk about FIT!)
71. Ventures And for future rounds, these guys would be perfect!
72. But if nobody invests now, we have creative ideas how to stay afloat:
74. to I P Come ride with us Country!
75. to I P Come ride with us Country! (Sorry, that was the old slide!)
76. Check out more Startup Comedy at www.StartupFunny.com Learn how to make awesome pitches from www.PitchDoctor.com