Secrets of a Stealth Mentee

Abstract:
Your dream mentor is right around the corner, but they don't need to know that! In this talk, you’ll discover how to find and work with the great mentors you deserve. You’ll learn how to extract insights tailored to you and to keep the great advice coming. The best part? You can use these strategies even if you're not in a formal mentorship program. Maybe you don’t even know what you want right now, and that’s ok! You can still receive mentorship to help you identify and grow into the next stage of your career. We don’t have to wait to be chosen--let’s help others help us.

This talk was presented at RubyConf 2018.

Transcript

1. SECRETS OF A STEALTH MENTEE
   @KWUGIRL
   

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2. @KWUGIRL
   AGENDA
   ▸ the problem
   ▸ why do we care?
   ▸ the solutions
   ▸ recommended resources
   

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3. THE PROBLEM
   @KWUGIRL
   

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4. @KWUGIRL
   BEFORE: A TYPICAL MENTORING INTERACTION
   ▸ someone I was matched up to somewhat randomly
   ▸ good intentions on both sides, but not sure what to talk about
   ▸ nothing is different afterwards
   

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5. @KWUGIRL
   AFTER!
   ▸ applied for (and got offered) jobs I thought I wasn’t qualified for
   ▸ changed careers
   ▸ conference talks
   ▸ salary negotiation
   

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6. @KWUGIRL
   Mentors vs. sponsors
   

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7. Mentors give me perspective, but
   sponsors give me opportunity.
   Cate Huston
   @KWUGIRL
   

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8. @KWUGIRL
   YMMV
   ▸ comfort level with asking for help from others (ask vs. guess culture)
   ▸ play to your interests and strengths
   ▸ get creative
   

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9. WHY DO WE CARE?
   @KWUGIRL
   

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10. SO WE CAN TAKE OVER
    THE WORLD!
    (SORRY, MATZ)
    

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11. It’s good for your career!
    …someone?
    @KWUGIRL
    

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12. @KWUGIRL
    Demystify the world
    

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13. @KWUGIRL
    Understand your
    options
    

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14. @KWUGIRL
    Learn things
    the easy way
    

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15. THE SOLUTIONS
    @KWUGIRL
    

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16. @KWUGIRL
    1. “ALWAYS BE
    MENTEE-ING"
    

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17. @KWUGIRL
    2. FIND YOUR 

    “KINDRED SPIRITS”
    

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18. @KWUGIRL
    3. KEEP IT “EASY,
    BREEZY, BEAUTIFUL”
    

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19. ALWAYS BE MENTEE-ING
    CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP
    

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20. KINDRED SPIRITS
    WHO MIGHT MAKE A GOOD MENTOR?
    

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21. @KWUGIRL
    Matched up vs. organic
    

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22. @KWUGIRL
    Are you my mentor?
    

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23. @KWUGIRL
    Are you my mentor?
    

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24. @KWUGIRL
    CHARACTERISTICS I LOOK FOR
    ▸ someone who has a similar personality and communication style
    ▸ but who has had different experiences or surprising thinking
    ▸ someone I admire but also could be vulnerable with
    

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25. @KWUGIRL
    Redefine “networking”
    

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26. @KWUGIRL
    MANY DIFFERENT WAYS THIS CAN WORK
    ▸ meeting people at conferences
    ▸ giving positive, thoughtful feedback
    ▸ sharing their projects
    ▸ taking people up on their offers to help
    

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27. @KWUGIRL
    Embrace the awkward
    

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28. EASY
    MAKE IT
    

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29. @KWUGIRL
    WHEN REACHING OUT TO PEOPLE
    ▸ conversations usually easier than emails, but it depends
    ▸ offer a few options on scheduling time & location
    ▸ take the initiative on the administrivia
    ▸ no homework needed
    

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30. BREEZY
    KEEP IT
    

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31. @KWUGIRL
    KEEP IT LOW-KEY & CASUAL
    ▸ lessen the burden or sense of responsibility: “unofficial mentor”
    ▸ be specific on why you’re reaching out to them in particular
    ▸ tone: "I respect your work and would love to learn from you.”
    

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32. BEAUTIFUL
    AND, OF COURSE,
    

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33. @KWUGIRL
    It’s ok to not know
    what to talk about
    

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34. @KWUGIRL
    ASK FOR EXPERIENCES, NOT ADVICE
    ▸ Cal Newport’s strategy for extracting insights
    ▸ consider people you meet as interview subjects
    ▸ ask for experiences, rather than advice. then consider the insights
    

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35. @KWUGIRL
    SAMPLE TOPICS: PROBLEM-SOLVING
    ▸ go over current dilemmas you’re facing
    ▸ discuss options
    ▸ get feedback on proposed solutions
    

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36. @KWUGIRL
    SAMPLE TOPICS: DECISION-MAKING
    ▸ anything that is ever mentioned as “case-by-case”
    ▸ need to build up technical intuition over time
    ▸ what made you decide to ____?
    ▸ what factors should be considered?
    ▸ what would have changed your mind?
    ▸ how did you decide what project would be interesting to do next?
    

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37. @KWUGIRL
    SAMPLE TOPICS: BEHIND-THE-SCENES
    ▸ effort shock: getting the real details on effort to hone skills
    ▸ how did you do that?
    ▸ what was your strategy to achieve your goal?
    ▸ how did you work through a mistake?
    

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38. @KWUGIRL
    SAMPLE TOPICS: PERSONAL FEEDBACK
    ▸ What do you see in my performance or approach that I could do better?
    ▸ If I want to get from 'x' to 'y' in my career, what do you think I should be
    focusing on, and what kind of path would be most helpful?
    ▸ How can I be perceived as more ___?
    ▸ What would be helpful for me to learn more about?
    

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39. @KWUGIRL
    You don’t have to take
    all the advice
    

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40. @KWUGIRL
    Make it feel rewarding
    to mentor you
    

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41. @KWUGIRL
    Follow up &
    stay in touch
    

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42. It’s remarkable how much people
    appreciate hearing from you when you don’t
    want something from them.
    Tina Brown
    @KWUGIRL
    

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43. @KWUGIRL
    Build relationships
    with trust
    

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44. @KWUGIRL
    PAY IT FORWARD & MENTOR OTHERS
    ▸ learn something better by teaching it
    ▸ consider from an instructor’s perspective
    ▸ Thoughtbot’s mentor handbook: https://github.com/thoughtbot/
    apprenticeship/blob/master/mentor-handbook.md
    

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45. RESOURCES
    @KWUGIRL
    

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46. @KWUGIRL
    ARTICLES: REACHING OUT TO PEOPLE
    ▸ https://cate.blog/2015/11/23/advice-mentors-and-questionably-helpful-emails
    ▸ https://www.inc.com/alison-green/when-your-mentor-wont-respond-to-your-
    emails.html
    ▸ https://www.elle.com/culture/career-politics/a22521435/black-women-talk-tech-
    mentorship-questions
    ▸ http://www.beleaderly.com/ask-jo-whats-the-best-way-to-approach-a-mentor
    ▸ https://daedtech.com/how-to-write-emails-people-wont-respond-to-give-them-
    homework
    

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47. @KWUGIRL
    MOAR ARTICLES
    ▸ https://cate.blog/2014/04/16/sponsors-mentors-and-allies
    ▸ http://www.effectiveengineer.com/blog/secret-to-effective-one-on-ones
    ▸ xyproblem.info
    ▸ http://www.cracked.com/article_18544_how-the-karate-kid-ruined-modern-
    world.html
    ▸ https://blog.ycombinator.com/what-to-do-with-too-much-advice
    ▸ https://cupofjo.com/2018/07/easy-way-to-network
    

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48. @KWUGIRL
    PODCASTS & VIDEOS
    ▸ Ask A Manager podcast
    ▸ https://www.shouldwe.co/season-02/give-advice
    ▸ https://cate.blog/2016/05/17/management-and-misanthropy-with-cate-and-
    camille
    ▸ my Ask vs. Guess culture talk: http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2015/05/ask-vs-
    guess-culture-communications.html
    

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49. @KWUGIRL
    BLOGS
    ▸ Cate Huston (cate.blog)
    ▸ Ask A Manager (askamanager.org)
    ▸ Julia Evans (jvns.ca)
    ▸ Camille Fournier (elidedbranches.com)
    ▸ Cal Newport (calnewport.com/blog)
    

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50. @KWUGIRL
    BOOKS
    

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51. + THANK YOU!
    @KWUGIRL
    

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52. APPENDIX
    @KWUGIRL
    

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53. 
    Pinky & The Brain, 

    tv show
    “Baby Cobra”, 

    Ali Wong’s standup
    comedy special
    Glengarry Glen Ross,
    movie
    the awkward turtle
    Anne of Green Gables
    Are You My Mother?,
    children’s book
    Harmony Bear &
    Friend Bear, 

    Care Bears
    Rosie the Riveter
    

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