Ask vs. Offer Culture

@kwugirl Ask vs. Guess Cultures KWu, an Ask Culture person
Lead Software Engineer Offer

@kwugirl You Jamie Taylor Can Taylor stay with you?

@kwugirl You Jamie ? Taylor

@kwugirl You Jamie I’ll just tell them no. Taylor

@kwugirl You Jamie or Taylor

@kwugirl You Jamie Ugh, this puts me in a difficult
position. Taylor

@kwugirl “I’ll just tell them no.” “Ugh, this puts me
in a difﬁcult position.” Ask Culture Guess Culture

@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons
further considerations strategies for handling work situations

further considerations strategies for handling work situations overview of cultures

@kwugirl

@kwugirl it’s OK to ask for anything + you’re OK
getting ‘no’ for an answer ASK

@kwugirl avoid asking unless the answer will be yes OFFER

@kwugirl extend out delicate feelers OFFER

@kwugirl don’t have to explicitly ask, others “perceive the need”
OFFER

@kwugirl if you accept, are you imposing too much? OFFER

@kwugirl putting others in the position of having to say
‘no’ seems rude OFFER

@kwugirl ASK OFFER Northeast Paciﬁc Northwest Midwest

@kwugirl one culture ≯ another culture

further considerations strategies for handling work situations a few examples

@kwugirl “The Seattle No” https://medium.com/lessons-learned/the-seattle-no-177091f864a4

@kwugirl Hey, I’m going to this party, do you want
to come?

@kwugirl Hmm that sounds interesting, I’ll have to check.

@kwugirl or

@kwugirl Oh yeah, maybe… + don’t hear from them again
about it

@kwugirl THIS MEANS NO. (not obvious to all of us)

@kwugirl

@kwugirl “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch  
for next week.” “Could you make extra meals so I have lunch for the week?” Dan hears

@kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s
so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” What I did not say: “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” I think

@kwugirl End Result “Why do we have so much food
in the fridge?” “I’m such a good husband.”

further considerations strategies for handling work situations pros/cons

@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efﬁciency No ambiguity Gets what you
want (in the short-term) More open conﬂict Can make people feel uncomfortable

@kwugirl Offer Culture Prioritizes not hurting feelings More polite Hard
if you’re bad at reading social cues Can feel like no one is listening to you

@kwugirl requests granted explicit verbal requests + implicit requests! proportion
of requests granted requests granted explicit verbal requests

further considerations strategies for handling work situations further considerations

@kwugirl personality family __context__

@kwugirl company culture

@kwugirl team culture

@kwugirl personal experiences

@kwugirl women “abrasive” “timid”

@kwugirl Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies

@kwugirl ???

@kwugirl family

@kwugirl family work

@kwugirl how well you know someone ??????? stranger BFF

further considerations strategies for handling work situations strategies for handling

@kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture… Make an Offer Culture
close friend Listen more closely Apologize if you realize >1 interpretation

@kwugirl If you’re from Offer Culture… Remember that people might
be unaware of “the rules” Resist the urge to “soften” a “No”

further considerations strategies for handling work situations work situations

@kwugirl work situations general things to consider useful phrasings example
situations use your strengths

@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use
your strengths work situations general things to consider

@kwugirl short-term vs. long-term

@kwugirl relationships

@kwugirl how certain are you that the message you sent
was received in the same way?

@kwugirl don’t assume they… will react as you would are
unhappy with you

your strengths work situations useful phrasings

@kwugirl “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok
to say no.”

@kwugirl “it’s ok if you’re busy…” “I understand if you’re
busy…” “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”

@kwugirl “Hey, remember when we talked about how I should
be more assertive? Well, _____”

@kwugirl discuss communication styles

@kwugirl “Sometimes I have trouble speaking up, it would really
help if…”

@kwugirl use this talk as an excuse!

@kwugirl “I went to this amazing talk at WE Ignite…”

your strengths work situations example situations

@kwugirl getting/giving help

@kwugirl

@kwugirl “I’m not sure I understand this feature.” (“Can someone
help me?”)

@kwugirl don’t assume silence == ok

@kwugirl “Do you have any questions for me?”

@kwugirl “What questions do you have for me?”

@kwugirl “We have a few options that work, A/B/C. Let
me know!”

@kwugirl Ask Manager & Offer Report positive reinforcement for saying
“no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice don’t default processes to people needing to ask PAY ATTENTION

@kwugirl “People assume that if their boss is assigning them
a ton of work, there’s no point in speaking up” https://www.thecut.com/2017/05/ask-a-boss-how-do-i-get-more-attention-from-my-boss.html

@kwugirl additional situations to consider publish vs. pull managers https://medium.com/@wiredferret/publish-vs-pull-managers-e2b52a45d7e9
non-native language speakers https://medium.com/@mollyclare/taming-the-steamroller-how-to-communicate-compassionately-with-non-native-english-speakers-d95d8d1845a0 retros formats of messaging (phone call vs. Slack)

your strengths work situations use your strengths

@kwugirl meetings

@kwugirl be thoughtful, help each other

@kwugirl if you have any questions…

@kwugirl just ask. ;)

Ask vs. Offer Culture

Ask vs. Offer Culture

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