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Ask vs. Offer Culture

Katherine Wu
February 12, 2021

Ask vs. Offer Culture

Presented at WE Ignite 2021

Katherine Wu

February 12, 2021
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Transcript

  1. @kwugirl Ask vs. Guess Cultures KWu, an Ask Culture person

    Lead Software Engineer Offer
  2. @kwugirl You Jamie Taylor Can Taylor stay with you?

  3. @kwugirl You Jamie ? Taylor

  4. @kwugirl You Jamie I’ll just tell them no. Taylor

  5. @kwugirl You Jamie or Taylor

  6. @kwugirl You Jamie Ugh, this puts me in a difficult

    position. Taylor
  7. @kwugirl “I’ll just tell them no.” “Ugh, this puts me

    in a difficult position.” Ask Culture Guess Culture
  8. @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations
  9. @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations overview of cultures
  10. @kwugirl

  11. @kwugirl it’s OK to ask for anything + you’re OK

    getting ‘no’ for an answer ASK
  12. @kwugirl avoid asking unless the answer will be yes OFFER

  13. @kwugirl extend out delicate feelers OFFER

  14. @kwugirl don’t have to explicitly ask, others “perceive the need”

    OFFER
  15. @kwugirl if you accept, are you imposing too much? OFFER

  16. @kwugirl putting others in the position of having to say

    ‘no’ seems rude OFFER
  17. @kwugirl ASK OFFER Northeast Pacific Northwest Midwest

  18. @kwugirl one culture ≯ another culture

  19. @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations a few examples
  20. @kwugirl “The Seattle No” https://medium.com/lessons-learned/the-seattle-no-177091f864a4

  21. @kwugirl Hey, I’m going to this party, do you want

    to come?
  22. @kwugirl Hmm that sounds interesting, I’ll have to check.

  23. @kwugirl or

  24. @kwugirl Oh yeah, maybe… + don’t hear from them again

    about it
  25. @kwugirl THIS MEANS NO. (not obvious to all of us)

  26. @kwugirl

  27. @kwugirl “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch 


    for next week.” “Could you make extra meals so I have lunch for the week?” Dan hears
  28. @kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s

    so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” What I did not say: “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” I think
  29. @kwugirl End Result “Why do we have so much food

    in the fridge?” “I’m such a good husband.”
  30. @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations pros/cons
  31. @kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity Gets what you

    want (in the short-term) More open conflict Can make people feel uncomfortable
  32. @kwugirl Offer Culture Prioritizes not hurting feelings More polite Hard

    if you’re bad at reading social cues Can feel like no one is listening to you
  33. @kwugirl requests granted explicit verbal requests + implicit requests! proportion

    of requests granted requests granted explicit verbal requests
  34. @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations further considerations
  35. @kwugirl personality family __context__

  36. @kwugirl company culture

  37. @kwugirl team culture

  38. @kwugirl personal experiences

  39. @kwugirl women “abrasive” “timid”

  40. @kwugirl Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies

  41. @kwugirl ???

  42. @kwugirl family

  43. @kwugirl family work

  44. @kwugirl how well you know someone ??????? stranger BFF

  45. @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations strategies for handling
  46. @kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture… Make an Offer Culture

    close friend Listen more closely Apologize if you realize >1 interpretation
  47. @kwugirl If you’re from Offer Culture… Remember that people might

    be unaware of “the rules” Resist the urge to “soften” a “No”
  48. @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations work situations
  49. @kwugirl work situations general things to consider useful phrasings example

    situations use your strengths
  50. @kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use

    your strengths work situations general things to consider
  51. @kwugirl short-term vs. long-term

  52. @kwugirl relationships

  53. @kwugirl how certain are you that the message you sent

    was received in the same way?
  54. @kwugirl don’t assume they… will react as you would are

    unhappy with you
  55. @kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use

    your strengths work situations useful phrasings
  56. @kwugirl “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok

    to say no.”
  57. @kwugirl “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok

    to say no.”
  58. @kwugirl “it’s ok if you’re busy…” “I understand if you’re

    busy…” “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”
  59. @kwugirl “Hey, remember when we talked about how I should

    be more assertive? Well, _____”
  60. @kwugirl discuss communication styles

  61. @kwugirl “Sometimes I have trouble speaking up, it would really

    help if…”
  62. @kwugirl use this talk as an excuse!

  63. @kwugirl “I went to this amazing talk at WE Ignite…”

  64. @kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use

    your strengths work situations example situations
  65. @kwugirl getting/giving help

  66. @kwugirl

  67. @kwugirl “I’m not sure I understand this feature.” (“Can someone

    help me?”)
  68. @kwugirl don’t assume silence == ok

  69. @kwugirl “Do you have any questions for me?”

  70. @kwugirl “What questions do you have for me?”

  71. @kwugirl “We have a few options that work, A/B/C. Let

    me know!”
  72. @kwugirl Ask Manager & Offer Report positive reinforcement for saying

    “no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice don’t default processes to people needing to ask PAY ATTENTION
  73. @kwugirl “People assume that if their boss is assigning them

    a ton of work, there’s no point in speaking up” https://www.thecut.com/2017/05/ask-a-boss-how-do-i-get-more-attention-from-my-boss.html
  74. @kwugirl additional situations to consider publish vs. pull managers https://medium.com/@wiredferret/publish-vs-pull-managers-e2b52a45d7e9

    non-native language speakers https://medium.com/@mollyclare/taming-the-steamroller-how-to-communicate-compassionately-with-non-native-english-speakers-d95d8d1845a0 retros formats of messaging (phone call vs. Slack)
  75. @kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use

    your strengths work situations use your strengths
  76. @kwugirl meetings

  77. @kwugirl be thoughtful, help each other

  78. @kwugirl if you have any questions…

  79. @kwugirl just ask. ;)