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Ask vs. Offer Culture

Katherine Wu
February 12, 2021

Ask vs. Offer Culture

Presented at WE Ignite 2021

Katherine Wu

February 12, 2021
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  1. @kwugirl
    Ask vs. Guess Cultures
    KWu, an Ask Culture person
    Lead Software Engineer
    Offer

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  2. @kwugirl
    You
    Jamie
    Taylor
    Can Taylor
    stay with you?

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  3. @kwugirl
    You
    Jamie
    ?
    Taylor

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  4. @kwugirl
    You
    Jamie
    I’ll just tell
    them no.
    Taylor

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  5. @kwugirl
    You
    Jamie
    or
    Taylor

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  6. @kwugirl
    You
    Jamie
    Ugh, this puts
    me in a difficult
    position.
    Taylor

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  7. @kwugirl
    “I’ll just tell them no.”
    “Ugh, this puts me
    in a difficult position.”
    Ask Culture Guess Culture

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  8. @kwugirl
    litmus test
    overview of cultures
    a few examples
    pros/cons
    further considerations
    strategies for handling
    work situations

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  9. @kwugirl
    litmus test
    overview of cultures
    a few examples
    pros/cons
    further considerations
    strategies for handling
    work situations
    overview of cultures

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  10. @kwugirl

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  11. @kwugirl
    it’s OK to ask for anything
    +
    you’re OK getting ‘no’
    for an answer
    ASK

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  12. @kwugirl
    avoid asking unless
    the answer will be yes
    OFFER

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  13. @kwugirl
    extend out delicate feelers
    OFFER

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  14. @kwugirl
    don’t have to explicitly ask,
    others “perceive the need”
    OFFER

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  15. @kwugirl
    if you accept, are you
    imposing too much?
    OFFER

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  16. @kwugirl
    putting others in the position of
    having to say ‘no’ seems rude
    OFFER

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  17. @kwugirl
    ASK OFFER
    Northeast Pacific Northwest
    Midwest

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  18. @kwugirl
    one culture ≯ another culture

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  19. @kwugirl
    litmus test
    overview of cultures
    a few examples
    pros/cons
    further considerations
    strategies for handling
    work situations
    a few examples

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  20. @kwugirl
    “The Seattle No”
    https://medium.com/lessons-learned/the-seattle-no-177091f864a4

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  21. @kwugirl
    Hey, I’m going to this party,
    do you want to come?

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  22. @kwugirl
    Hmm that sounds interesting,
    I’ll have to check.

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  23. @kwugirl
    or

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  24. @kwugirl
    Oh yeah, maybe…
    + don’t hear from them again about it

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  25. @kwugirl
    THIS MEANS NO.
    (not obvious to all of us)

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  26. @kwugirl

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  27. @kwugirl
    “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch 

    for next week.”
    “Could you make extra meals
    so I have lunch for the week?”
    Dan hears

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  28. @kwugirl
    “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.”
    “That’s so weird, Dan’s planning to make
    an extra meal this weekend, but ok.”
    What I did not say: “Oh, you don’t have to do that.”
    I think

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  29. @kwugirl
    End Result
    “Why do we have
    so much food
    in the fridge?”
    “I’m such a good
    husband.”

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  30. @kwugirl
    litmus test
    overview of cultures
    a few examples
    pros/cons
    further considerations
    strategies for handling
    work situations
    pros/cons

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  31. @kwugirl
    Ask Culture
    Prioritizes efficiency
    No ambiguity
    Gets what you want
    (in the short-term)
    More open conflict
    Can make people feel
    uncomfortable

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  32. @kwugirl
    Offer Culture
    Prioritizes not
    hurting feelings
    More polite
    Hard if you’re bad at
    reading social cues
    Can feel like no one is
    listening to you

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  33. @kwugirl
    requests granted
    explicit verbal
    requests
    + implicit requests!
    proportion of requests granted
    requests granted
    explicit verbal
    requests

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  34. @kwugirl
    litmus test
    overview of cultures
    a few examples
    pros/cons
    further considerations
    strategies for handling
    work situations
    further considerations

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  35. @kwugirl
    personality
    family
    __context__

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  36. @kwugirl
    company culture

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  37. @kwugirl
    team culture

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  38. @kwugirl
    personal experiences

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  39. @kwugirl
    women
    “abrasive”
    “timid”

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  40. @kwugirl
    Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies

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  41. @kwugirl
    ???

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  42. @kwugirl
    family

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  43. @kwugirl
    family
    work

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  44. @kwugirl
    how well you know someone
    ???????
    stranger BFF

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  45. @kwugirl
    litmus test
    overview of cultures
    a few examples
    pros/cons
    further considerations
    strategies for handling
    work situations
    strategies for handling

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  46. @kwugirl
    If you’re from Ask Culture…
    Make an Offer Culture close friend
    Listen more closely
    Apologize if you realize >1 interpretation

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  47. @kwugirl
    If you’re from Offer Culture…
    Remember that people might be
    unaware of “the rules”
    Resist the urge to “soften” a “No”

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  48. @kwugirl
    litmus test
    overview of cultures
    a few examples
    pros/cons
    further considerations
    strategies for handling
    work situations
    work situations

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  49. @kwugirl
    work situations
    general things to consider
    useful phrasings
    example situations
    use your strengths

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  50. @kwugirl
    general things to consider
    useful phrasings
    example situations
    use your strengths
    work situations
    general things to consider

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  51. @kwugirl
    short-term vs. long-term

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  52. @kwugirl
    relationships

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  53. @kwugirl
    how certain are you that the
    message you sent was
    received in the same way?

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  54. @kwugirl
    don’t assume they…
    will react as you would
    are unhappy with you

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  55. @kwugirl
    general things to consider
    useful phrasings
    example situations
    use your strengths
    work situations
    useful phrasings

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  56. @kwugirl
    “Hey, I have a question,
    but it’s totally ok to say no.”

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  57. @kwugirl
    “Hey, I have a question,
    but it’s totally ok to say no.”

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  58. @kwugirl
    “it’s ok if you’re busy…”
    “I understand if you’re busy…”
    “Hey, I have a question, but
    it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”

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  59. @kwugirl
    “Hey, remember when we talked
    about how I should be more
    assertive? Well, _____”

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  60. @kwugirl
    discuss communication styles

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  61. @kwugirl
    “Sometimes I have trouble
    speaking up, it would really
    help if…”

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  62. @kwugirl
    use this talk as an excuse!

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  63. @kwugirl
    “I went to this amazing
    talk at WE Ignite…”

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  64. @kwugirl
    general things to consider
    useful phrasings
    example situations
    use your strengths
    work situations
    example situations

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  65. @kwugirl
    getting/giving help

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  66. @kwugirl

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  67. @kwugirl
    “I’m not sure I understand
    this feature.”
    (“Can someone help me?”)

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  68. @kwugirl
    don’t assume silence == ok

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  69. @kwugirl
    “Do you have any
    questions for me?”

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  70. @kwugirl
    “What questions do you
    have for me?”

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  71. @kwugirl
    “We have a few options that
    work, A/B/C. Let me know!”

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  72. @kwugirl
    Ask Manager & Offer Report
    positive reinforcement for saying “no”
    be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice
    don’t default processes to people needing to ask
    PAY ATTENTION

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  73. @kwugirl
    “People assume that if their boss is
    assigning them a ton of work,
    there’s no point in speaking up”
    https://www.thecut.com/2017/05/ask-a-boss-how-do-i-get-more-attention-from-my-boss.html

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  74. @kwugirl
    additional situations to consider
    publish vs. pull managers
    https://medium.com/@wiredferret/publish-vs-pull-managers-e2b52a45d7e9
    non-native language speakers
    https://medium.com/@mollyclare/taming-the-steamroller-how-to-communicate-compassionately-with-non-native-english-speakers-d95d8d1845a0
    retros
    formats of messaging (phone call vs. Slack)

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  75. @kwugirl
    general things to consider
    useful phrasings
    example situations
    use your strengths
    work situations
    use your strengths

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  76. @kwugirl
    meetings

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  77. @kwugirl
    be thoughtful, help each other

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  78. @kwugirl
    if you have any questions…

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  79. @kwugirl
    just ask. ;)

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