TMM_Module_1-5

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1. 1-5 Patricia's walkthrough of What's my motivation_ - TMM Mo... Mon, 2/28 4:52PM 9:51 SUMMARY KEYWORDS routines, feel, plan, meal planning, kids, minutes, week, stressful, decision fatigue, dig, shame, stress, saving, overwhelming, love, helped, math, mom, day, meals SPEAKERS Patricia Sung Patricia Sung 00:00 Hey there Successful Mama, I want to give you some ideas of where to start on these activities. If you're feeling stuck, or not sure how to answer them, these are the ways that I think about them. And if you're feeling good about answering these questions on your own, I would love for you to try them without listening to this video first. Because I don't want you to feel like you need to pick what I'm picking or I don't want you to have that extra noise in your head, if you don't need the kickstart. I want this to be truly what you need, and what makes sense for you and your heart. Patricia Sung 00:33 But if you're stuck, you're like, I don't really know what to do. I'm gonna walk you through sort of my reasoning, so you can get some examples of how to get going on your own. Patricia Sung 00:42 So when I think about how well routines and rhythms helped me, when I think back to when I first had my son, going through the throes of postpartum anxiety, and, you know, I always thought I was a very together person, and I'm realizing, looking back is that, I was but I wasn't I didn't have routines and structures in place other than to meet a hot mess, a hot mess my routine a lot of the time. And when I look at how, like, I got ready in the morning for work, like, oh, it was it was such a mess. And I have come so far, in the past six plus years, that I can see clearly how they've helped me. And I know that you will be able to clearly see that too, when we get a little farther down the path. Patricia Sung 01:30 So right now you just have to imagine how do you think that they might help you. And for me, I
2. So right now you just have to imagine how do you think that they might help you. And for me, I think about, like, if I start with a specific example of like meals, when I sit down to plan meals at the start of the week, when you plan anything, every minute that you spend planning, you save yourself 10 minutes in the future. Patricia Sung 01:53 And if you think about how we don't have extra time, all of those savings add up real fast. So if I do the math on, if I don't prep for dinner, then there's some weeks where like, things don't come together or say like I had a plan, but then something went wrong, and my plan is not going to work anymore. Patricia Sung 02:12 Those stressful nights, where it's like, okay, it's it's time to eat, and I haven't even started cooking. That stress level, when I feel that stress, it reminds me because I don't feel that stress on other days, I already have a plan in place. That stress is more magnified, because I know what it's like not to have that. And I think about the decision fatigue of every day having to decide what people consume all day long. Patricia Sung 02:40 I don't that much about the food choices, I want my kids to be healthier, but like whether or not we have the chicken or beef, like that's not a big deal to me. And I just want there to be food on the table. So if I can make all those decisions at the beginning of the week, so they don't have to make them every day. That makes my life a lot easier. Because every time we make decisions, we are using energy to do them. And I would rather use that energy on something else. Patricia Sung 03:10 And also, when I think about the shame that comes with like, oh, here we are, one more time It's six o'clock we haven't eaten yet, and I don't want to plan is and how could I be so irresponsible that didn't plan this again. And you rolled out like this whole shame spiral of not being on top of your life. I avoid that by planning ahead of like having that rhythm. And that routine of planning meals ahead of time keeps me from heading down that shame spiral in this situation. Patricia Sung 03:41 When I think about the time savings, so like I said every minute you plan you save 10 minutes, I did the math. And if you plan for say 20 to 30 minutes on what your meals look like for the week. And as you get better at things. Remember that the more you do it, the faster it goes.
3. Patricia Sung 03:58 Like I don't even know if I spent 20 minutes thinking about meals, they might be less than 10 minutes at this point. But if the beginning if I think if I'm spending 20 to 30 minutes to plan out meals for the week. And if I do the math where that means I'm saving 10 minutes, that means I'm saving three to five hours throughout the week. Well, I do the math then divide that by seven days a week. That means I'm saving about 20 to 40 ish minutes a night. Patricia Sung 04:32 Which totally makes sense because when I don't have a plan when my plan isn't come together, how much panic stress am I running around? Like how long is that panic lasting? About 20 to 40 minutes trying to figure out what on earth we're going to eat for dinner. Patricia Sung 04:48 So I can see very clearly that spending this time meal planning before the week starts at the beginning of the week, saves me all of that time, the stress, the decision fatigue and the shame that goes along with not having a plan. So those are some examples. And that's just meal planning. Patricia Sung 05:07 You could go down any of the things that you deal with as a mom that are overwhelming. Or you can just think about it as like a hole. But you know, you can hit any of the things that we can make routines like laundry, or cleaning the house or like homework routines, getting out the door, bedtime, any of those areas of your life that are falling apart by the seams. Think about how it would feel if that wasn't a stressful time. How would you be helped? Patricia Sung 05:36 And then when I think about why do I want routines? I look back at where it was before. And it's like, I don't ever want to go back there. I do not ever want to go back there. Because it was so stressful. And so overwhelming. I don't want to go back there. Patricia Sung 05:53 I'm almost like tearing up a little bit of thinking about how hard that was. And how I don't have to do that anymore is such a weight lifted off my shoulders, and my chest, the weight on my chest. And I want that for you too. Patricia Sung 06:07 So when I dive into, why do I want my routine? I want to because I'm tired. And I'm frustrated. Well, why why is that an issue? Well, I feel like I'm a bad mom when I don't have a plan. And I
4. Well, why why is that an issue? Well, I feel like I'm a bad mom when I don't have a plan. And I don't know what's going on or like know how to lead my family. Why? Because I feel like I'm not doing my best. I feel like I'm not taking care of my kids. Why? Because I'm grumpy. And I'm yelling, I don't want to yell at my kids all the time. Why? Because we get to the end of the night. And you know, instead of all like going to bed and my kids knowing how much I love them. Patricia Sung 06:46 Instead, I'm like everybody's grumpy. And then, you know, what if they don't know, what they don't feel loved when they're like laying down to go to sleep. Why does that matter? Well, I want my kids to lay down at night, and be like, my mom loves me. She thinks I'm important. She loves hanging out with me. And that means that I then, I feel good about myself because I know that my kids feel loved when they go to sleep. Like that's where I know, like, I'm doing my best, I'm doing a good job. Even if all the terrible stuff happened all day, and it was a meltdown and a disaster. If my kids go to bed and they're like, even with all that, they know that I love them. Like I feel like I'm being a good mom. Patricia Sung 07:39 And what I want you to do is like dig in there with like those tough questions. And, and really dig into that why and this is a little bit can be a little overwhelming. Because we can get into some, like really big hurt wounds and like feelings from our childhood. And I know that might be too much for you. And that's okay. Like, if you can't dig in that deep, it's totally fine. I don't want you to feel worse, I want you to feel better about this. So if you're not ready to dig into that it's totally okay. Patricia Sung 08:17 But the closer you can get into the why this is where you're creating that foundation, of why you are doing this on the days where it feels too hard, or the days where it feels too overwhelming. Patricia Sung 08:29 What I look at is why am I doing this, when I don't want to align to the routine today and I just want to like fly by the seat of my pants, I just want to be lazy and sit on the couch. I know that I'm doing these things, because then I feel good about myself and I feel more worthy. Like I know that I'm already worthy as who I am. But when I feel like I did my best that propels me forward and when my kids know how much I love them, that propels me forward. Patricia Sung 09:03 So in the time's right, this little, like throw my adult temper tantrum and be like, I don't want to do this today, that's where I can lean in and be like, I know, I don't want to do this, but why am I doing it? Because I want to feel good about myself. I want to improve my self esteem. I want
5. to know that I'm doing my best. And that makes it a whole lot easier to get back on track and some days yeah, it's like, it's just not happening today. And that's okay. Like, it doesn't have to be, you know, rainbows and unicorns every day. But having that motivation there means it's a lot more likely that we'll move forward together. Patricia Sung 09:42 So good luck, Successful Mama, I know this is a tough one but you can do it. You're doing a great job.