TMM_Module_3-6

Transcript

1. 3-6 I Have too much to do! Obstacle - TMM Module 3 Mon, 3/21 9:10PM 8:00 SUMMARY KEYWORDS moms, kids, family, adhd, bartering, talk, plates, recognize, cooking, feel, module, life, trading, brainstorm, pickup, meals, prioritizing, outsourcing, teaching, expect SPEAKERS Patricia Sung Patricia Sung 00:00 Hey, they're successful mama. Welcome back to module three. Patricia Sung 00:03 This one is titled I have too much to do. And to that I say, Yes, you do, you have too much on your plate. Pretty much every mom that I talked to who has ADHD has too much on their plate. Parents in general have too much on their plates. Moms, in general have too much on their plates. Especially having been through this time of the pandemic, there is too much on our plates. So I want to recognize that with you and be like, yes, it is too much. It's not just you, it's not that you can't keep up with it. There is too much here. What do we do about that? It's not an easy solution. And I'm not going to solve it in this couple minute video. Patricia Sung 00:43 But I want you to start thinking about what your options are. Pretty much things either have to get done by you. They have to be done by somebody else, or they don't get done. Those are the three choices. We are going to talk about later in the module in this module, but another module we will talk about how do we prioritize and figure out what are the things that we can be saying no to. But a lot of times when you have ADHD, you don't even realize that that is an option. We don't say no. Because we beat ourselves up and say like, well, we Why can't I be able to do all these things? Why can't I keep up like everyone else? Patricia Sung 01:19 And I want to start breaking down that lie, you do not have to do everything and it is not possible and it is okay for you to say no, it is okay for you to hold boundaries, it is okay for you to not do some things. It is okay for your kids to be disappointed that they don't get to do some
2. to not do some things. It is okay for your kids to be disappointed that they don't get to do some things. Is this easy? No. But I want you to start to hear that, that it is okay, that you don't do all the things and that you have too much to do. Patricia Sung 01:48 The other part is if it's not you doing it, then who is going to do it if it's something that really truly does need to be done, there are a lot of ways that we can have things done by others, for sure, we want to start with our family, everyone in the family is part of the team, everyone in the family should be contributing. So this is a great time to start thinking about how can we start teaching our kids to do more. Patricia Sung 02:15 A lot of times as parents, we don't think our kids are ready to do things. And I can see now looking back having been a teacher that I expected so much of my students because I knew they could do it. And I did not look back at the previous 12 years of their life to make an assumption on whether or not they can do it, I came in with the expectation of you are in fifth grade, or you are in seventh grade. And you can do this. Patricia Sung 02:43 So a lot of times we look at our sweet little baby and think they couldn't possibly be able to handle all of this. And they can they can do more than we give them credit for. So do not feel bad about giving your kids more to do around the house, they can handle it, they are far more capable than we than we give them credit for so. And also, these are life skills that they need. They need to know excuse me, they need to be able to know how to do their laundry as a grownup, or to be able to set the table and clean up. And I will recognize that these are not things we teach them overnight. This is actually something I want to do a course on one day. Patricia Sung 03:29 And especially when our kids have ADHD, this can be a very lengthy process in teaching them how to do things because I have one kid who will do things with, you know, much smaller instruction. And I have one who is very competent in his opinions. And when he decides he doesn't want to do something, it takes us a while to enact. So I recognize all that. So I'm not making light of the fact that this is a big chunk. But I want to introduce the fact that we can expect our family to do more than we as moms are usually expecting them to do. Patricia Sung 04:11 Obviously we can also look outside the family we can look at bartering and trading with friends, whether that looks like them watching our kids for a while while we watch theirs and you have a regular rhythm of trading kids so that you can get things done. Perhaps there is a way that you can like if you were really into cooking, you can prep meals for another family and they will
3. do carpool pickup for you so that you're not you know having to do all the soccer game pickup like their, you know, even the sense of like, you know, hey, I'm gonna pick the kids up on Monday, will you pick the kids up on Tuesday? That is a form of bartering and trading that we can do. We don't have to do every single thing ourselves. So where can we start to find ways to make things more efficient by asking for help? Patricia Sung 04:59 That is something that We struggle with is asking for help, because we feel like why can I do this on my own? Why can't Why can't I what, and we're in that negative spiral starts in the shame spiral starts. So this is a pattern that is hard for us to break, but it is okay to ask for help. And, again, I know it's a whole nother can of worms. But I'm just planting some seeds here. And the last part is outsourcing. There are some places in your life where you may want to be taking part of your budget and placing it in areas where that is important enough for you to spend money in, or maybe taking away spending money on something else, so that you can put it towards something that matters to you more. And again, we're going to get into the prioritizing as we move forward. Patricia Sung 05:55 But I, I have seen a lot of moms who feel bad hiring a house cleaner, because they feel like I should be able to do that as a good mom, I should be able to keep up with my house. And I view it as an ADHD accommodation, I view it as if that's not something you're very good at. And you don't like doing it that is a place where it makes sense to ask for help. That might for your family. Like if you're not big on cooking, that might be ordering out more that might be like buying meals that you like, pre make and cook on the day of there are so many ways that we can lighten our load, they don't all have to cost money. But if you are going to spend that money on it, I want it to be the things that really matter to you. Where are your priorities for your family. Patricia Sung 06:51 So with that being said, Leave no talking head here. This activity for today is to lighten your load. Just take a couple of minutes and think about what are three to five tasks that either you don't like doing or that you're not good at, but do need to get accomplished? Or you could do or can I just cut them out entirely. And if you're feeling willing to share, I'd love to see them in the post in the group and brainstorm brainstorming together. Patricia Sung 07:26 Like how can we solve that what works for you if you're saying hey, I really don't like cooking, it's not my thing. Ask the other moms. What do you do for that? What are your solutions for making this task that we have to do multiple times a day easier on you? And this is what I'm talking about in our meeting this week.
4. Patricia Sung 07:47 Sorry, that's my reminder to stop chatting. So I'd love if you have an obstacle where you're just really stuck on it and bring it to our Wednesday meeting and we'll talk about it together. So think about when you're gonna watch your next video and I will talk to you soon