Unlocking Confidence: How to Find & Leverage Your Most Powerful Resource

Talk at Founders + Funders in NYC on November 8th by Janice Fraser, Partner at Seneca VC.

Transcript

1. I used to think “confidence” was like a room I could step into when I needed it. I kept looking for a map and a key.
2. Now I see that it’s the opposite. When I’m not confident, it’s like I’m trapped in an escape room challenge, and I just need to solve the puzzles.
3. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl CONFIDENCE “Belief that you can handle whatever happens.” “A quiet inner knowledge that you’re capable.”
4. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl CONFIDENCE COURAGE “Willingness to act despite fear or danger.” “Belief that you can handle whatever happens.” “A quiet inner knowledge that you’re capable.”
5. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl CONFIDENCE COURAGE “Belief that you can handle whatever happens.” “Willingness to act despite fear or danger.” Effortless Energizing Effortful Draining
6. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl CONFIDENCE EBBS AND FLOWS
7. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl Some lucky people have a higher resting state, recover faster, and less variance.
8. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl CONFIDENCE COURAGE “Belief that you can handle whatever happens.” “Willingness to act despite fear or danger.” HELPERS Validating experiences Experiences “making it through” Being prepared/knowledge Familiarity/trust/tribe/kinship Testosterone IMPEDIMENTS TO CONFIDENCE Invalidating experiences Beliefs & assumptions about others Trauma Cortisol
9. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl THINGS I’VE DISCOVERED ABOUT CONFIDENCE It’s biological. It’s situational. It’s constructed over time.
10. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl CONFIDENCE IS PART OF THE BIO-SOCIAL SYSTEM OF EMOTION
11. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl EMOTIONS HAVE THREE COMPONENTS Physiology Thoughts Action Urges Testosterone, Cortisol, Dopamine, Serotonin. Genetics, Epigenics, Heart Rate, Dry Mouth, Sweat (Includes Stereotype Threat). Thoughts are involuntary chemical/electrical events in the brain. Many are neither accurate nor helpful. (Includes Impostor Syndrome) Make yourself small / large, talk fast / slow, talk more / less, eat ice cream, nap, run away, hide, fight.
12. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl BIOLOGY THOUGHTS ACTION URGES
13. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl BIOLOGY THOUGHTS ACTION URGES YOUR EFFECTIVENESS IN THE MOMENT
14. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl VULNERABILITY FACTORS BIOLOGY THOUGHTS ACTION URGES YOUR EFFECTIVENESS IN THE MOMENT
15. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl VULNERABILITY FACTORS BIOLOGY THOUGHTS ACTION URGES YOUR EFFECTIVENESS IN THE MOMENT SITUATIONAL CONTEXT
16. © 2019 Janice Fraser and Seneca VC @clevergirl BIO-SOCIAL SYSTEM OF EMOTIONS VULNERABILITY FACTORS BIOLOGY THOUGHTS ACTION URGES YOUR EFFECTIVENESS IN THE MOMENT SITUATIONAL CONTEXT
19. Amy Duke says, in a negotiation… “The person who cares least wins.”
20. • Write and then Read back to yourself, a list of 4 times you felt powerful • Write out your best strengths. • Write out a time when you felt mastery • Write out attributes you share with a favorite “celebrity” STRENGTHS ARE YOUR RIDE-OR-DIE MITIGATE YOUR GAPS “PITCHERCIZE” • Learn voraciously • Ask for help • Find a coach/mentor • Recruit a volunteer • PRACTICE • PRACTICE • PRACTICE • PRACTICE • Without slides. Impromptu. Set to music. Relentlessly. Conversationally and scripted. Sing it! Dance while pitching! • GET TOLD NO x20 and notice that you survived. CRITIQUE REDUCE VULNERABILITY FACTORS
21. CREATE YOUR OWN AFFIRMING SITUATIONAL CONTEXT There are thousands of VCs, of every type. The network of entrepreneurship is vast. There is no one way to succeed. But there is only one you. • Reduce the stakes. • The person who cares less wins. Best version of yourself is better than pretending to be what someone thinks other person wants you to be. • Remember Sasha Fierce • Choose the power chair in the room • Lipstick • Eccentric clothing (drag persona) • Memory token in my pocket (eg, card with your most powerful moment) ENGAGE AN ABUNDANCE MINDSET YOU DO YOU POWER TOKENS (these are mine, yours may be different) EMPATHIZE WITH THE OTHER PERSON • VCs are scared too. They have investors, too. • Meet them where they are. • It’s a trust relationship. If you’re from different worlds, it can be harder to understand and trust each other. We have to step farther.
22. IN THE MOMENT MANAGE YOUR THOUGHTS, URGES, SENSATIONS Recall a time when you felt powerful (notecard in your pocket). Notice and name negative thoughts. (“I had a thought that...”) Notice and name symptoms of stress and fear you are experiencing, then Intervene privately. In the bathroom: Power pose. Wall sit. At the table: Breathe in for 4 out for 8 like through a straw. Touch the card in your pocket, and take a moment to be Freddie Mercury walking onstage at Wembly • Stereotype Threat • Imposter Syndrome DON’T PSYCH YOURSELF OUT Notice and resist urges to make yourself small. Make eye contact with someone while speaking. Avoid eye contact with someone while listening. THOUGHTS BIOLOGY/SENSATIONS URGES
23. Thank you! The slides are online at: slideshare.net/clevergirl www.seneca.vc janice@seneca.vc