Ask vs. Guess Culture (lighting talk)

A talk on the ask vs. guess culture communication style difference (see http://www.thewire.com/national/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/19730/)

Presented July 2014 at New Relic engineering offsite, ~9 minutes: http://youtu.be/Fi9uBYIbNFc.

Transcript

1. Ask vs. Guess Cultures KWu, an Ask Culture person
3. You
4. You Jamie
5. You Jamie Taylor
6. You Jamie Taylor
7. You Jamie Taylor Can Taylor stay with you?
8. You Jamie ? Taylor
9. You Jamie I’ll just tell them no. Taylor
10. You Jamie or Taylor
11. You Jamie Ugh, this puts ! me in a difficult position. Taylor
12. “I’ll just tell them no.” “Ugh, this puts me in a difficult position.” Ask Culture Guess Culture
14. it’s OK to ask for anything + you’re OK getting ‘no’ for an answer ASK
15. avoid asking unless the answer will be yes GUESS
16. ASK GUESS
17. ASK GUESS Northeast Pacific Northwest Midwest
18. ASK GUESS Northeast Pacific Northwest Midwest
19. a few examples
20. “The Seattle No” https://medium.com/lessons-learned/the-seattle-no-177091f864a4
21. Hey, I’m going to this party, do you want to come?
22. Hmm that sounds interesting, I’ll have to check.
23. or
24. Oh yeah, maybe…
25. Oh yeah, maybe… + don’t hear from them again about it
26. THIS MEANS NO.
28. Me: “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch 
 ! ! for next week.”
29. Me: “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch 
 ! ! for next week.” Dan hears
30. Me: “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch 
 ! ! for next week.” “Could you make extra meals so I have lunch for the week?” Dan hears
31. Dan: “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.”
32. Dan: “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” I think
33. Dan: “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” I think
34. Dan: “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” I think What I did not say: “Oh, you don’t have to do that.”
35. End Result Me Dan
36. End Result Me “Why do we have so much food in the fridge?” Dan
37. End Result Me “Why do we have so much food in the fridge?” Dan “I’m such a good husband.”
38. pros/cons
39. Ask Culture
40. Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency
41. Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity
42. Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity Gets what you want
 (in the short-term)
43. Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity Gets what you want
 (in the short-term) More open conflict
44. Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity Gets what you want
 (in the short-term) More open conflict Can make people feel uncomfortable
45. Guess Culture
46. Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings
47. Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings More polite
48. Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings More polite Hard if you’re bad at 
 reading social cues
49. Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings More polite Hard if you’re bad at 
 reading social cues Can feel like no one is listening to you
50. strategies for handling
51. If you’re from Ask Culture…
52. If you’re from Ask Culture… Make a Guess Culture close friend
53. If you’re from Ask Culture… Make a Guess Culture close friend Listen more closely
54. If you’re from Ask Culture… Make a Guess Culture close friend Listen more closely Apologize if you realize >1 interpretation
55. If you’re from Guess Culture…
56. If you’re from Guess Culture… Remember that people might be 
 unaware of “the rules”
57. If you’re from Guess Culture… Remember that people might be 
 unaware of “the rules” Resist the urge to “soften” a “No”
58. work situations
59. peer-to-peer
60. peer-to-peer code review
61. peer-to-peer code review working across different offices
62. “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally cool if you want to say no.”
63. manager-to-report
64. manager-to-report discuss communication styles
65. manager-to-report discuss communication styles Ask Manager + Guess Report = be careful!
66. if you have any questions…
67. just ask. ;)