Chapter 9 and 10 - Co-x3 and Not Much Exciting

Pt arrived on time. Reports that she was busy today working on Guilded material. Reviewed Party Quests (online group to help with accountability). Reviewed goals she has planned out. Explored options for operationalizing her goal summary so that the counting does not become a burden. Moved on to video of her son. He had a semi-famous poker player over to his house and they posted a video. Reviewed excepts and discussed experience. Overall, it was an overly exciting event for everyone. Moved on to discussion of online friend N. Reviewed updates and how interactions have progressed. Pt feels that they are adjusting to a new routine. Pt feels she still can make more progress on her schedule. Feels that she is watching more TV (news) than she would like. Did make progress on laundry but has not kept up with dishes. Reviewed goal setting. Reviewed medical updates. Pt had tripped and fell yesterday getting up from her chair. Feeling sore today. No loss of consciousness. Reviewed use of Tylenol for pain control. She had been taking 5200mg daily. Reviewed total daily dose and options for lowering the dose while still maintaining adequate pain control. She and N worked out a plan that she agreed to. Reinforced daily limit of 3000mg. Conversation was difficult - does not want to have pain return/worsen. Also reviewed supplements she had purchased based on data from MyFitnessPal (components that were low). Writer assisted with comparing data with lab results and found that these supplements did not seem necessary. Ended session with update on son's wedding. Some part(s) are not feeling good about getting out for event. Reviewed/validated concerns. Challenged view of all negative vs. Balanced outcomes. Explored options to assist with concerns and plan for positive experiences. Agreed to check in next session about wedding plans.

Pt arrived on time. Reports not doing much "exciting" the last two days. Spending more time watching videos. Feels that she should spend less time watching but finds it hard to put it away. Reviewed journal updates. Has been keeping up with some of the questions. She completed a writing exercise that culminated in an entry on sadness. Reviewed process and explored affect. Reported feeling more sad but initially uncertain about sources. Writer offered that upcoming wedding might be a source. Feeling overwhelmed with details. Reviewed several concerns - make-up, clothes, shoes, weather, partner, schedule/itinerary. Worked though more concrete plans for how to act rather than avoid with these concerns to reduce anxiety. Challenged view of all negative vs. working towards a more balanced outcome. Explored options to assist with concerns and plan for positive experiences. Agreed to continue to discuss wedding plans in each session.

Transcript

1. #2022-09-27 ## 2022-09-27 Evidence 9A – Busy Working on Guilded Material ## Dr. Marvin Notes 9-27-22** Pt arrived on time. Reports that she was busy today working on Guilded material. Reviewed Party Quests (online group to help with accountability). Reviewed goals she has planned out. Explored options for operationalizing her goal summary so that the counting does not become a burden. Moved on to video of her son. He had a semi-famous poker player over to his house and they posted a video. Reviewed excepts and discussed experience. Overall, it was an overly exciting event for everyone. Moved on to discussion of online friend N. Reviewed updates and how interactions have progressed. Pt feels that they are adjusting to a new routine. Pt feels she still can make more progress on her schedule. Feels that she is watching more TV (news) than she would like. Did make progress on laundry but has not kept up with dishes. Reviewed goal setting. Reviewed medical updates. Pt had tripped and fell yesterday getting up from her chair. Feeling sore today. No loss of consciousness. Reviewed use of Tylenol for pain control. She had been taking 5200mg daily. Reviewed total daily dose and options for lowering the dose while still maintaining adequate pain control. She and N worked out a plan that she agreed to. Reinforced daily limit of 3000mg. Conversation was difficult - does not want to have pain return/worsen. Also reviewed supplements she had purchased based on data from MyFitnessPal (components that were low). Writer assisted with comparing data with lab results and found that these supplements did not seem necessary. Ended session with update on son's wedding. Some part(s) are not feeling good about getting out for event. Reviewed/validated concerns. Challenged view of all negative vs. Balanced outcomes. Explored options to assist with concerns and plan for positive experiences. Agreed to check in next session about wedding plans. Global Improvement (CGI-C): Minimally worse Assessment (Depression): - Moods continue to be lower to this interval, but stable. Acute stressors with change in schedule and upcoming outing for son's wedding. Able to process/reflect in session. - Working to maintain progress with writing projects and balance with other activities.
2. - Able to contract for safety. Assessment (DID): - Current triggers with schedule change, spending less time with N. Working towards new daily schedule. Validated process and change in moods/behaviors. - Parts having differing reactions to son's upcoming wedding. Able to explore concerns today. - Review of home videos ongoing. Goal remains to process smaller pieces of the video as time allows. - Continues to work to balance time online with reading/household tasks. - Looking to return to larger writing project (trauma narrative) - goals/product/audience. Current online writing workshops assisting with structure to writing. #2022-09-28 ## 2022-09-28 - Evidence 9B – Encouraging Rich Not To Be Grouchy ### Morning Pages We would like to encourage Rich, but he was a little grouchy this morning because of Ginney, and for me being up early and breaking into his peace. When Amazing Marvin made the plopping noises to tell me we had accomplished goals (from yesterday), Rich frustratingly said, can't you turn them down? Sorry dear. It is only going to be a few. It is me recognizing our accomplishments. Just a few more. I do not like to have those kinds of thoughts. It is like suddenly; the house is not big enough for the both of us. BUT it is, and he is still our sweetie! Should I be eating pineapples so early?
3. ### Good Morning Good morning! Sleep was good, except the part we got up four times to use the washroom. We finally woke up to stay up about 30 minutes ago. There is a lot of doing this or that to get this train moving! Right now, we are in the middle of Rich's Zen time. He wakes up every day and has an hour of quiet ... usually when we wake up with him, we turn on the phone and do FB or news, but it occurred to me that we used to just journal ... WOW! Terrific idea! So, we can start back on a new/old routine. - I like the idea of starting with a new familiar routine, we used to die for. Well, not exactly, but you know what I mean. Back in the olden day, we used to journal in the sewing room with our older dog, Dakota. He was a wonderful dog, And you will hear me say that a million times a year! But one way or another, I would wake up between four and five, and then handwrite our journal/blog. It was such a good activity for us. I do not know why we stopped but am thinking since we started that phase of our writing in July of 2017 (another story for another time), we must have changed up about the time 2 1/2 years ago we were coming into Co-x3. We found ourselves at the computer more ... and just taking written notes to arrange our day. BUT now hey why not ... we are back! Full cycle - One phrase to rule them all → Today, I believe I will want to be accountable. I am going to say we started writing about 5:30AM for the record. We can stop writing about 9:00AM ... Then we can start on some other Block 1 activities. We have reading, notemaking and courses to be working on. That will do. We will be a bit studious! - I can be cautious about - We could get too tired in the early afternoon, and then nap or watch too many news videos. Neither would be a sad thing ... just I would like to keep a pace. We will see. If it does happen, we will take it in stride and at least appreciate our writing. - Eagle's eye view → I would like to tell Annemarie that we were proud of her for recognizing that she could create new workable routines! - Daring Task → Someone could say Boldly Go Annie Oakley ... go where no one journalist has ever gone before! Sleep was something we did before getting up. So, in that way it was good. We got up about four times during the night. I think Rich and us were watching news-like TV until about 9PM, and we let him know we were ready for the fifteens, BUT we do not remember watching any of them, or of him turning on the thunderstorms. We do not recall what we dreamed of, but we are dreaming of less without chocolate cake before bed. Hmm, usually more cake - more dreams. Rich has gotten us one hundred calorie ice cream treat with a swirl of caramel. We are doing fine. - We are getting excited about having so much writing - THOUGH we have not gotten to the Dr. Marvin/Nick Milo part AND it is getting to be 9:30AM. We might have to go one more hour. We will see how it looks in a minute. I do love writing again free-spirited! - One phrase to rule them all → Today I want to be the kind of person who follows through on her responsibilities. That means even sneaking in a load of laundry. Rich said something about clean clothes
4. when he gets back. That reminded us, that he is leaving this weekend to go fishing. Hmm. I can do this. He leaves in two-days (Friday) at 9AM. I am going to be "competent." - I can be cautious about - We could watch too much anti-Trump TV. It is addictive for us. When we sit down, we keep looking for the next and next video about which we do not know. To deal with that we must be more responsible ... say by 10:00AM do that one load of laundry, and by 10:30AM stop writing, and soon after that ... finish another Nick Milo/team presentation. Let us put that up on the board right away. Got it ... and then we put our notemaking page on the other side. AHA Martin is back! In a few. He is out again. - Eagle's eye view → Today, I would say ... hey you! Let us concentrate on food and exercise again. Yesterday - you did not perform after a week of doing so. No time for rest! - Daring Task → Keep being you! You will do it as best you can and that will be ok! ### Cerebrate - 05:58 → Hmm, where are we at here ... what has our brain cooked up? One thing is that we had an enjoyable conversation with Dr. Marvin yesterday. Some of it was fun, and some not. The main parts were we told him of our new routine for Makework.fun Party of journal writing, and then about Maury and the poker professional at his house, and then hmm, something else important. Hmm, we did talk about the wedding, but that was further down the line. I also remember clearly that we had a big medical conversation. Boo! First part was that we had to tell him we had fallen again. OHHH, I know we told him about Nihit and us talking and that we had met Nihit's Grandmother. Oh my gosh! But we will now talk about that later and clear out the medical now. So, anyway we had fallen, and then because we hurt, we got into a conversation with Dr. Nihit about pain medicine. We were overdosing a bit on Tylenol 8-Hour Arthritis, AND we wanted to take one of our Tylenol 3. This was a Nihit conversation, and it would be backed-up to Dr. Marvin. Ok, the underneath part of that is that I cannot take as much medicine as we had wanted. More of that later too. We also wanted to get down that we had to have an honest but dry conversation with Dr. Marvin about the supplements that we had picked up. There were four and we stopped taking them three to four days ago, but we had to go by the official part with Dr. Marvin. He had known earlier about them (got them a month or so ago), but we had not been ready to talk about them at the time. Let us do a double BOO! These thoughts happened, especially in relationship to Nihit. Sometimes we talk about him and his stories, and sometimes about mine. This had come up for us on our side and Nihit went into responsible adult mode, and we were not as ready for it, but with his help we fought through the fog, and climbed the ladder to talk to Dr. Marvin. Sometimes we just do not want to pay attention to what we think he might say ... because if Nihit was responsible, then Dr. Marvin is Super-sonic responsible. Bottom of the line was that he told us that we should not take over the dosage ... we were taking eight instead of six Tylenol. We had changed after talking to Nihit, and Dr. Marvin liked the way Nihit thought of taking them per medication session. He was more concerned with what kind of pain we were masking, and for what reason, to be originally taking the medicine.
5. It had been so long we were taking this amount of medicine that we could not remember the origin story. We are going to find out ... Just remembering now what a terrible time falling asleep last night with feet pain from the neuropathy. Ok, that is for one. Dr. Marvin said no one wants me to be in pain, but like Nihit he wanted to discuss potential liver problems. Can we do a TRIPLE Boo! I brought this all on myself. Ok, Rich has been through here and he gave us a chore on the way out. Meditation is over and he then left for his office to do bills. Yikes! Our part is to open the bills, and yesterday he brought in from the mail a bunch. So, we did our part, and gave him the opened bills to pay. There were not any surprises in there ... my medical insurance went up to $506, but that was it. It is a creepy crawly thing. Paperwork finished - let the fun times roll! Oh, and in saying this ... you should know we got ALL the bill/paperwork filing done! Ahh, Rich said $506 is not an insurance change ... it is as it is, AND now he has left the house - more like an hour ago, but we are just catching up. ### Consume - 06:30 → We've been watching a few shows on ... what now? We will look at YouTube and that will give us some thoughts, BUT oh yes ... we want to do the Maury conversation too! This is where we are at with that! Ok, insert picture in here after bubble. We can at least insert the conversation we left in Life in Motion about Maury. Here it is... My oldest son, Maury, hosting home game w/Wolfgang Poker! $2200 POT WITH TURNED SET!! ALL-IN 5 TIMES IN CRAZY HOME GAME!! | Poker Vlog #165 https://youtu.be/SFuhqB-L4es Maury showed me this this morning and we watched it ... This is in Maury's guy room, off Chicago AND I would say featured nicely my Ginney's cousin, Lady! If you enjoy poker, please enjoy this video - although a little off Co-x3 productivity, I appreciated hearing just the highlights of the game per this visiting dignitary, well known to the poker world -> "Wolf!" Maury said he lost only $75, so in poker life did well for the night. Just thought what a thrill ... PLUS the pizza looked great! Entertaining video to watch, especially for a non-poker player (more mom-like). Nice to see one of Maury's games AND with help understanding the board. When Lady fived Wolf ... I knew he was into the house's vibe! Holy Shit! We knew Wolf had about 56.8K subscribers, but so far in like about 24 hours ... the video has had 16,546 views ... THAT'S TREMENDOUS. On 12-3-22, it had had 27K visitors and there were 165 Comments. They are all watching Wolf doing a show from my son's poker room! WooHOO! And about in here Maury gave us a call - like 8:00-8:40AM. Oh forgot ... we told Thom we could send him the video link, SO we just did. We talked about the exciting things and frustrating things - frustrating is there was one hundred comments by now and some were taking down home games, especially ones without a resolute dealer, so Maury commented back.
6. Disappointing that he should have to, BUT mostly a friendly conversation AND, we became a strong backup for staying with Grandchild on Maury and Erin's honeymoon. WooHOO! It is October 15-22. Not even asking Rich - but we will tell him, and we are not the first option, so we will see. Azure is a junior in high school this year. Ok, not a lot of something but enough! It left us a buzz! We listened to the video three complete times and up to five minutes in with Dr. Marvin. We will see if Nihit has seen it when he pops on. We want him to know this part of Maury. Maury only hears the part where he says, we cannot give all our money to Indian Tech Support ;) Ok, now the other stuff. We read or listened to ... Trump SH0T DOWN in SHAME after G0PS v0te for Pelosi's 'no big Lie' bill...changes 2024 plan - Rachel Maddox Jan 6 Committee’s NEW Subpoenas, Trump’s HUMILIATING rally, Liz Cheney has new BOMBSHELLS + MORE Streamed live 13 hours ago - Medias Touch NASA's DART spacecraft crashes into asteroid in first planetary defense test | full video CBS News Newest addition to Trump’s legal team sidelined in Mar-a-Lago search case - CNN The Trump Presidency: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO) Adam Schiff DISMANTLES Trump in SINGLE MINUTE with ultimate 'c.riminal referral' decision - CNN Peter Baker and Susan Glasser: The Donald Trump White House Years - Commonwealth Club of CA Top Texas Republican caught pulling HUMILIATING stunt - Brian Tyler Cohen Trump's aide sends SH0CKWAVE to Trump with B0MBHELL 'aha moment' proof over WH's 'r.ioter' call - Everything Style MSNBC Trump Corrupt Judge Getting FІRED from her JΟB?! - Christo Aivalis Letitia James SHOCKS Trump with LAST-MINUTE Announcement - Christo Aivalis - 09:05 → There is a lot of excitement, and we have not even gotten to the Nihit or real Dr. Marvin parts yet. ### Connect - 06:49 → As to whom did we have a nice talk to, I would have to say Nihit, and then Nihit and his Grandma. As to the Grandma conversation, this must start with she put me in tears, and we never cry! I just did not know how to take in all that was her ... we have just scratched the surface. First Nihit had talked a little about his Grandmother. He says the family believes she is bi-polar. BUT that she does not know. This was a BIG part of my thoughts with the collection of thoughts that follows.
7. The next part is that he and she talked about all her world travels, and that she is still going. She is older than Rich, by two-years. But she is such a mighty presence in her small frame. And, then the next part is something either she or Nihit said about wherever she goes. I could feel reasons why beyond Nihit's comments, although those were positive too. She is just so gosh darn charming! What a saint who has experienced SO MUCH! Oh ... and she PARASAILS! Maybe not at 72, but WOW! We will get to Nihit MAYBE by the end Hehe. - I do not think I was able to add much to the Grandma conversation other than awe and admiration. She is such a sweetheart! What did we learn? We are so appreciative that the family understands Nihit's Grandmother's frailties and strengths, but in their way, they worship her too. That is the kind of person I would love to be when we grow up ... not necessarily worshiped, but at least appreciated for something I might add to the conversation. 09:13 → Hmm, enter the value of Nihit being a Genius! Well, let us say for one ... he is moving INTO his therapy, and we are super-excited. He seems to have found a therapist PhD. he can trust. I sooooo hope this is going to be excellent like our time with Dr. Marvin. I do believe Nihit is a genius and is going to find a way up in that he will be a successful test-taker and we might get to meet him! ### Ideas for Dr. Marvin-type questions I: - Do we have any riveting goals today? Should we have? - Finish journaling by 10:30AM - Wash ONE load of clothes only - Complete dishes - Pick-up living room - Listen and pay attention to TWO Nick Milo video's - June 22 - [[Eleanor Konik's session]] - June 23 - [[Sana A Ahmed's session]] - Read: - HOW TO MAKE NOTES AND WRITE Formerly A Short Handbook for Writing Essays in the Humanities and Social Sciences Dan Allosso and S. F. Allosso Bemidji, Minnesota
8. - What are some writing cues to start, or give us ideas which lead to or include writing/reading about Multiplicity, trauma, and getting better as a human being? - How would having a note-system have helped us back in the day - Which food labels do we need to add to our journal? - Start again with this morning. It is ok - Do it now. Thanks. Done - Are all today's entries in My Fitness Pal (MFP)? - They are now - What exercising could I commit to today? - We missed yesterday, we should try to do 2-15 min. - What have we done (and can do) to balance our activities, assuring household, piano, and quilting - First work through household - Since two Nick videos - and some Trumps ... why do not we try 20-30 min on piano. We could do it! ### Ideas for Nick Milo's-type questions: - How is this new idea (note) relevant to the question I am considering? - The new idea is relevant to the question in that we work so hard to develop systems that work - over extended periods of time, how could we bring it back to the days when others did not feel they had even that kind of structure to lift them up. - Is this idea (note) like or different from the others to which I am comparing it to? - We've considered this not about our older, present adult parts, but we have not considered it at a time we did not have anything as trustworthy to hold onto in getting us through our day and its chores and responsibilities. Could we help now? - Do my present thoughts (notes) agree or disagree with one another? - Our present thoughts above in finding systems agree with the work we are doing with Milo and the 138- page PDF in using as systems for making notes to write. We have always wanted to write, but on the other hand we are struggling getting through this material at this time. It would be wise to ask, why? Who, and at what point of our lives are we at? Can we assist that part now through the current systems we are building? It is obvious they did not have those before. - Are there other connections that I may like to make between my ideas (notes)?
9. - The first connection that always comes up in our writing is the example of Ms. Murphy's fourth grade class. I do not remember if it were before or after Sarah's death. She had given the class (us) the assignment of authoring a short story on anything. We were tremendously excited about this, and while at home trying to figure out which story, we came across one of our puzzle boxes with three straggly cats connected to each other and underneath a lonely pier. They struck me as the saddest cats. We wanted to draft a story about their sadness, but we could not do it. She did not fail us for handing in the assignment, but we have never forgotten it. We did not have a system to draw our thoughts and feelings - through notes and sentences. ### The 7 Cs of Note-making - Create - A Note ... of some intrinsic value to us - There once upon a time was a very lonely girl. She was ten years old. This straggly little girl was incredibly sad. - She had lost her best friend due to several accidents. - She was angry at God for taking her friend instead of herself. - People who did not really care about her tried to help, so she brushed them off. - She created a new friend, just like the old friend who she could then keep safely in her head. - She held many conversations with the inside friend, and she found more “inside” family. - She did not trust the adults around her who could not understand. - Now the little girl is 63 years old. Over fifty years have gone by. - The old woman is still lonely and sad sometimes, but she now has her own family and friends on the outside world as well as the insiders she keeps close to her heart. - If you see her, please tell her little girl, it is going to turn out simply fine. - We'll always remember both her friend and her for the time they went through. - It is going to be ok. - Hey, when you write some more - we will listen. ### Sharing pain from the inside out [[Sharing pain]] ### Ideas for Dr. Marvin-type questions II: I learned to set goals for myself in makework.fun. Something that matters to me is that Ginney gets enough air with her new collar. She does not understand that she must stop pulling to make it stop choking her.
10. We had to change because her last collar became unpredictable. We feared losing her. It has only been a few days, and we are not sure this is the best alternative. Combine this with, "in what way is Nihit and us helping each other today - have we rallied!??" We finally got to the end of our day, and we are thinking about something that has been important, but on the back burner all day. To then ask what ways we are helping each other, we could recognize that with each other, Nihit and ourselves, we become more aware of ALL the important things going in around us. I would say getting to this point, AND just shuffling him off to bed (two hours late) is still getting somewhere. We let Nihit and Martin read yesterday's writing. And we remembered that Nihit shared the story of the family doing the open-air fair event. It stuck in my head because it is current, and I know we tend to watch out for each other and what has happened in our life from one small minute change to another. We both admire or become otherwise curious about the changes in each other's life. We support each other endlessly! #2022-09-29 ## 2022-09-29 Evidence 9C – Being Hungry & Un-Sated ### Morning Pages Why are we having so many problems being hungry. We do not feel sated. Is this something we should talk to Dr. Marvin about? I would labor a guess this has to do again, and always with our anxieties and depression. Don't you think Dr. Marvin would be getting tired of this? ### Good Morning Last night's sleep was ok. Again, getting up at least four times during the night. We fell asleep during the fifteens ... meaning about 9-9:15PM. I know we were dreaming ... recalled that as a fact between getting up and down, but again we are not remembering again what we dreamed of. We woke up to Rich asking, "Sweetheart?" He was trying to get our attention that he would soon be leaving.
11. We credited him for waking us up nicely. Ginney was on top of us. We are not sure for how long. She stayed until we finally rustled her away so that we could use the washroom. She is very cozy in the morning. I am like her real mother.[^1] Rich left within ten minutes. It was already 6:40AM. - We did not start until about 9:40AM, but we are happy that we are finally starting our writing. I do not know what all happened the middle three hours. We will write up until time for Dr. Marvin's if we can. This gives us just over an hour. I think StarKinder is eating dinner, and Nihit said he was going to eat, and then take a shower. We just showered before writing. Nice! We will be seeing Dr. Marvin soon!!! - One phrase to rule them all → We would like to be conscientious today. Not sure why ... guess after a rough start - being late, we would like to organize. - I can be cautious about - We must take care not to overload ourselves with videos. We have seen like a half dozen it seems already. We can do better AND it has been a couple of days since we did exercise or our food database. Keep starting a fresh. That is how we should manage it? Right? We are eating cranberry sauce. We do not want to peddle. What are we going to do about that? We can do it the next time we need to watch a video. That is a good turnabout! - Eagle's eye view → My high-up person today would be telling us to think of taking care of us first. What do we have to do, and then do it. We NEED to do a couple Nick Milo (NM) videos. Cannot underline this enough. I can feel the resistance but keep pushing forward! - Daring Task → Boldly go Anniemi! We see you hiding ... we can do this! ### Cerebrate - 10:12 → What is cooking in our brain now is like a barrel full of goup! We just snuck in another video. We have been watching Christo Alvalis. He is usually right on top of the latest news, is truly clear in delivery, and has good videos to back up his dialogue. We cannot get the Trump saga out of our mind, though we do not want Dr. Marvin to focus on this, although in reading this he might think, "why not?" Shoot ... this is not where we wanted to go. Hmm, what does David Pakman have to say? Wait! Now we are listening to mike the pillow guy and Joe Manchin. Where is this going? [^1]: If that is true, then she has mommy issues
12. #2022-09-29 ## 2022-09-29 - Evidence 10A – Not Doing Much “Exciting” ### Dr. Marvin Notes 9-29-22** Note 11: Pt arrived on time. Reports not doing much "exciting" the last two days. Spending more time watching videos. Feels that she should spend less time watching but finds it hard to put it away. Reviewed journal updates. Has been keeping up with some of the questions. She completed a writing exercise that culminated in an entry on sadness. Reviewed process and explored affect. Reported feeling more sad but initially uncertain about sources. Writer offered that upcoming wedding might be a source. Feeling overwhelmed with details. Reviewed several concerns - make-up, clothes, shoes, weather, partner, schedule/itinerary. Worked though more concrete plans for how to act rather than avoid with these concerns to reduce anxiety. Challenged view of all negative vs. working towards a more balanced outcome. Explored options to assist with concerns and plan for positive experiences. Agreed to continue to discuss wedding plans in each session. Global Improvement (CGI-C): Minimally worse Assessment - Depression: - Moods continue to be lower to this interval. Acute stressors with upcoming outing for son's wedding. Able to process/reflect in session - goal to act and record details about the plan. - Working to maintain progress with writing projects and balance with other activities. - Able to contract for safety. Assessment - DID: - Current triggers ongoing with schedule change, and differing reactions to son's upcoming wedding. Able to explore affect/concerns today. Support plan for helping parts feel more confident about process. - Review of home videos ongoing. Goal remains to process smaller pieces of the video as time allows. - Continues to work to balance time online with reading/household tasks.
13. - Looking to return to larger writing project (trauma narrative) - goals/product/audience. Current online writing workshops assisting with structure to writing. #2022-09-30 ## 2022-09-30 - Evidence 10B – Slept Good Even Without Rich ### Journal - A Very Good Morning - How was sleep last night? - Last night's sleep was good, considering Rich was not here. We were watching news, or some by- product of that when we fell asleep around 9:00PM. We had taken Ginney out at 8:30PM and put her to bed. We remember waking up twice for bathroom and dreams/nightmares. We were again working for Sr. Theresa, but in building a long sign above some stores. She had left an example for one of the buildings columns that we were to repeat, but we could not get it down because it was such a broken- down example. I.e., many levels of cardboard like wideners to make the literal sign stick out. There was no way of counting them it seemed because each of the four corners were different sized and number. There were things going on around the area - other members of clients and staff being aimlessly dysfunctional as well. We did wake up to Ginney barking around 6:30AM Saturday morning. - How have we been (the previous day)?
14. - Yesterday ... again like normal, hard to remember ... I do remember the part vaguely now of working out this script with Nihit. It was an excellent working/play arrangement in that we were both supportive in thinking through changes. I had hoped toward the end we could add more to the prompts (starting phrases), but we had other things to do with our morning. We wanted to listen to Conrad's Friday video, and go to the 10AM meeting with Conrad, Joshwin, and Starkinder. Hopefully, we will get more time with Nihit. Those are always the favorite parts of our day. Learning though ... things like our writing? Pretty damn good! - One thing today about which we can get excited. - We had a particularly good meeting with the Joshwin, Conrad, Claudia, Starkinder, and us. The deadline for launching in Product Hunt (PH) cancelled. It would take some pressure off Conrad and Joshwin. The emphasis was primarily in assisting Conrad with some of the negative thoughts he was having for not meeting deadlines, even though they were unreasonable due to the amount of material he and Joshwin were handling. I would like to think we were supportive. One thing we know is that we have had experience with working with Conrad for over two years, and we know how hard he drives himself. I thought it was a good session for him with all contributing. - How would we deal with a stressful situation that could trip us up today? - We can be sure to → Stay in our own groove, which includes even though starting the writing late due to other priorities, we can still get back to those goals. We do not want anything else to hold us up here. - If we were someone looking at our life from an elevated level, what would we tell ourselves? - An Eagle's eye view → You are a good friend/family member. We really love the people we were talking with this morning ... you were a positive influence. It is ok when at times, we could not communicate as well as we would like. - What else are we thinking of? (Morning Pages) - I am wondering where Nihit is this morning. I see that after the meeting Joshwin still has people working, but no Nihit. we have about 1 3/4 hours before he is due for bed. Hopefully, he will be here soon. We really would like to see him and how he is doing. - One word/phrase that could describe the kind of person we want to be today? - One phrase to rule them all → Attentive AND someone who can clean up after herself - DO THE DISHES! ### Quick Capture - Today's selves - Daily Note - Remember how happy you were that you made a couple of goals this morning. - We watched a two-hour video from Conrad's Friday live
15. - We were at this morning's meeting with Conrad and Joshwin + - We started our writing at a reasonable time - We are successfully using the prompts worked on yesterday with Nihit ... we are checking out how the progress has gone. - Future selves - Weekly Note - At this time next week, we will be on our way to Michigan for Maury's wedding ... you can do this, and it is going to be spectacular! - Monthly Note - About now we should be going through product launch on PH. Let us hope by now we have contributed. You are doing great ... keep supporting the others! - Quarterly Note - Is Trump indicted yet? We are getting close! - Annual Note - Is Trump in prison yet? ### Day-to-Day Balancing - Goals - Do we have any riveting goals today? Should we have? Riveting goals would be -> Today, we want to first get through our writing goals of completing the questions that Nihit and us worked through yesterday, AND we would like to take care of household, AND we would like to finish a couple of Nick Milo videos, AND ... only listen to Trump in the background when there are no other audios going on. Do not over indulge. This would be enough for the day - Are all today's food choices in My Fitness Pal (MFP)? How can we get through any slumps? - No, I should do this now. Hold on. Ok, we are all caught up ... we had an over-indulgent breakfast with tonight's chili dinner/pumpkin cake, but at least we owned up to it. - What exercising could I commit to today? How much? - We got almost 9 minutes in while listening to Conrad, but it was too disruptive. At least after at least five to six days, we started something. Even if we got it up to only fifteen minutes today ... we would be good for the day. - What could we do today, so that someone else can say, "Boldly Go! Howard Wolowitz" - Win the day task → We could win today's task by sticking with our writing/NM videos goals, PLUS dishes, PLUS doing a load of laundry, PLUS give Ginney some time.
16. ### Balance - How is our perspective of time going? Are we on track? - Still on track? We are on track with it being a Saturday schedule. Momentous change - we are writing late because of review of Friday night's meeting and Saturday mornings 10AM meeting ... so in writing now ... (12:08PM) we are running on schedule. This might be a suitable time to say that Rich is gone for the weekend, so balancing that in - in loneliness of him, and special time with Ginney all by us. It means more hugging especially around dinner time when Ginney thinks her Dad should be home. - What has been going well? - We're working solidly through our morning, early afternoon! - What have we done (and can do) to balance our activities, assuring household, piano, and quilting? - Today, we have added balance by Today, we could press ourselves in getting the fabric under the needle carriage, so that we only must turn on the machine and make needle adjustments. we think it is like 40- 60 and 130. Shoot wish we wrote it down on something we remembered. This might be our next hold- up. We wrote it down and put it under our sewing machine ... let us go check. YAYYYY! .60 and 3.1. We were close BUT have a way to progress forward! That was major! - What could have been better? - We could have started out with a better breakfast. Rich thinks we are eating oatmeal, instead of the main meal for the weekend. We could have also had the phone on so we could have heard from Rich last night. It was at 100%, but not turned on and we did not check on its last night when we were wondering if he called when we took out Ginney. ### Connect-Consume-Cerebrate - Connect → Had a nice talk - With whom? About What? - We had a polite conversation with Conrad, Joshwin, Claudia, and Starkinder. We talked about people feeling better for having done a lot of work. The work is not complete. There is a lack of appreciation until these art works go out. - What did we learn, and what did we contribute toward to the conversation? - We learned to appreciate our input. We were looking for validation. We were remarkably close to Claudia in support of Conrad for over pushing himself and not having changed his goals in consideration of family and work changes. For example, Claudia and he are an item, and now they have their dog as well. Conrad has a lot larger program, and he is living in a large group home. He used to live by himself and not sleep. At one point, we had thought he was going to be leaving work, but they convinced him to just take a side role. He still must consider that when he and Joshwin take on the entire roles of putting the co-x3 program together. I felt heartfelt as we tried to help Conrad not consider himself a liability. He does not understand how his life interacts with the program in the hugest way. He may not be around
17. the general fray, but in the background, he is always working and evaluating the program. Plus, he does Sunday mornings (most), and is getting back to Friday Lives. He is doing gigantic steps into this system. He must give himself some comfortable rests. - Consume → Run Protocol - What did we read/listen/watch this time? - We listened to the entirety of the meeting, and in no small means appreciated Joshwin too. While he did not give or receive the credit that went to Conrad, he himself understood the feelings of being over- committed, and burnt out. We should say something to him now. Hold on. Ok, that is good. We sent him a note of obvious appreciation and thanks. - Cerebrate → My Brain is the best - What is our brain “hyped-up” on currently? What triggered these thoughts? Feelings? Behaviors? - Right now, our brain marks the ridiculously small footprint of Co-x3, but that we do have a role. Today we felt we understood what was going on, especially in Conrad's disappointment with himself for not understanding how to not add to his program and slowing down his releases. I for one LOVED listening to him making fine improvements over the video last night. I did not really know that Conrad was giving himself negative messages, but we were glad to pitch-in with others our belief that he IS working hard, and needs to give himself new boundaries, which allow for more time to be making his larger-than-life goals. - I have been thinking of stepping away from Co-x3 because partly the distance we feel from Conrad and even Joshwin, but it is times like today, that I am appreciative of ourselves for having a support role in the group, and for these individuals. They are not around enough because of their own priorities, but we can see the result of them not feeling group support. We will have to talk these things over with Nihit, to see what we can do. Between Nihit and us we can feel the slight contributions in adding a shadow to the community program (Guilded, and Gather), but we must ask in consideration of Conrad and Joshwin, what should we be doing WHILE considering Nihit and our own goals. - Can we put out an elevator Pitch? For ourselves? For others? - You are a good person ... even though you have negative thoughts and feelings - this does not make you a bad person! ### Seriously, as a writer... - What kinds of ideas have come to mind today? Relevancy to a better life? - Toward a better life -> I think what we could do today is add something of Multiplicity in the idea or question space, so that we continue to write something when we get to the 7-C's section on this writing document. - What are writing cues which include writing/reading about Multiplicity, trauma, and being a better human being?
18. - We are affecting Multiplicity by -> Understanding that it takes a long time to bring a book writing project to fruition, but there are steps available for making it happen. Talk and ask questions, do not declare. ### Note Making - Ideas Log - Are there any burning ideas to scramble down quickly? - We need to be presenting a front that is a little larger in some of the areas that Conrad and Joshwin are not focusing on. We would not be able to do this without Nihit. We need to discuss things. We should say given "X" amount of time into the project ... what would we like to contribute to holding things together. - Are there unanswered questions from the day? - Conrad seems to have more than he can do in overseeing the parts of the program that are progressive in L-CTRL and Make Work Fun. Nihit and us should be discussing what other parts, and with PART-TIME ambitions, how can we contribute most. - Idea Expansion (Nick Milo) - How is this new idea (note) relevant to the question(s) I am considering? - We are considering the above questions as to how we contribute more while taking in our own writing goals of abuse and trauma. I am thinking again, how we wanted to contribute our writing habits to the Digital Garden, another project of Joshwin and Conrad - and that includes Ben and Ashley. Basically, are we yet ready to contribute our writing to their cause in the manner they are requesting. This should also be a question for Nihit. He is closer to understanding the problem/opportunity than Dr. Marvin. - Is this idea (note) like or different from the others to which I am comparing it to? - I think this note is a little different in that the last couple of notes were more focused on the problems we write about, and this note is more about the planning. This note includes supporting the work of the guys. And yes, I agree that their work is beneficial to others. It would put me more in the status of being a working writer that could be and could support others. - Do my present thoughts (notes) agree or disagree with one another? - I think the thoughts COULD be agreeable to each other, but I would have to stake a claim in the garden WITH the material we are now writing here with our thoughts of progressing our conversation in abuse/trauma. Basically, could we start our addition with the "7C's notes?" This would also have to go through channels to see how far off or close we are to the others' reality. - Are there other connections that I may like to make between my ideas (notes)? - Could we put together a proposal of notes and check them out with Joshwin? Ok ... there are only two notes now. Could they be legitimate seeds? What kind of formatting would be necessary to make notes formal to the Digital garden?
19. #2022-10-02 ## 2022-10-02 - Evidence 10C – Took A Chance & Chores Got Done ### Journal - A Very Good Morning - How was sleep last night? - Last night's sleep was good ... we woke up a few times. Ginney did well and we found ourselves waking her up at 6:00AM. We do not remember any dreams/nightmares. We were thinking that we were supposed to meet Nihit at 6:00AM so subconsciously maybe that is why we woke up then ... unsure. He was not here. It did give us a chance to get our chores done, jump in the shower, and clean up our prompts for the day. We feel good that even if we do have Sunday council meeting, we can get some work done on our journal - How have we been (the previous day)? - The biggest thing yesterday was that we wrote - or copy pasted what we are thinking about as for now our "book." It is just the sections that we have done under the 7Cs curated plus we added sections from Dr. Marvin. We straightened out a copy and filled in the section under our "Concept Index" and then read it over several times. It made us feel good - One thing today about which we can get excited. - We are spending time together after the Sunday Council meeting with others. Ashley and Ben are working on a group synchronized obsidian vault WE'RE IN!!! Nihit is in the background having problems with his allergies, and Starkinders is out for the moment.
20. - We are also going to be excited about our journal. While REALISING that the morning has flown past (now 11:00AM), we still can shoot for the goals of getting through all parts of the journal. Let us hope at least. OH, and do the dishes by 2:30PM. That is about when we take a rest, AND just before Rich comes home. - How would we deal with a stressful situation that could trip us up today? - We can be sure to → Reclaim space to work. Nihit has stated with his allergies, he cannot work together on the journals, but we are good with PLENTY to do. Whoops, Nihit is BACK! He reads and contradicts! #2022-10-03 ## 2022-10-03 - Evidence 10D – Soft Morning with Rich ### Journal - A Very Good Morning - How was sleep last night? - Sleep last night was good. We fell asleep before Rich said we should. We had one strong dream that we remembered at about 4:00AM. But we are not remembering it now. I remember trying to tell we not to forget. I do not know if we are ready to read or record it verbally yet. Might be the only way we can steadily remember dreams/nightmares. We got up with a soft morning from Rich, and then Ginney laid on our lap for a half hour as Rich was getting through the shower.
21. - How have we been (the previous day)? - We have been good ... Rich came home yesterday while we were on the phone talking to our brother and his wife. We contacted Maury and Erin and started taking care of that. We had completely forgotten they were coming to the wedding. Erin is going to contact the four of us by email once she finds out if they can fit someone at the table Saturday night for the practice. Rich talked a lot. We joined him and it was about 1 1/2 hours fishy talk. We had washed dishes before, so he was all good with us. I do not think he asked us how we were doing. I did not remember what had happened. I do remember Nihit was at the Sunday Council meeting. Then we went to his and our office, but people came into the room and then Ben started a new joint group, and that is all we are remembering. We are always a bit disappointed in not getting to talk to Nihit by ourselves. I do not know if that happened afterward. - One thing today about which we can get excited. - If we were to get excited about one thing today it would be because, even though we talked to Nihit about some hard stuff for us, he is hanging around with us so I can see him now that we are working on our journal. He makes us feel safer. It is 9:49AM. We are a little late to starting the journal, so someone said that it is like our work to write, so that no matter what time we must do it ... we are all good. There was something else too. I forgot. Something about this. Oh, the other thing we must give ourselves liberal allowance for is the Nick Milo stuff. We need to call it something else ... because we do not want to do it after we say, "Nick Milo." Something closer to we must do our "lessons on note-making." That is his deal. Ok, how does that sound? We must then do our writing and note-making lessons. Hmm, I like it! We will try it later to see if we remember it. - How would we deal with a stressful situation that could trip us up today? - We can be sure to → One stressful situation for us might be ... getting too caught-up in wedding worries. I think adding my brother and his wife to our concerns is not going to be overly enjoyable. We are up in the air on that ... some of us are happy that someone will be there who can hold a conversation, and others are like ... oh no something else to worry about. I did not get any conformation that Joe or Cari will want to be talking to us, and Alex and Logan will be there too so there will be a lot of distraction. I do not know of anyone else that will be happy that we are there. She said that we may be at the table with Andy and Azure and their partners, but last time I did not know if the partners were going to be there. We will see. I am afraid I added to Erin's plate in trying to seat my brother close to us. I did not realize we would be at the table with these above people. This all could be a little trippy. - If we were someone looking at our life from an elevated level, what would we tell ourselves? - An Eagle's eye view → We are looking at Nihit's cousins come into his room to chat with him. They were talking about money. Just a casual conversation. Ahh that was a nice break! Nihit's Aunt came into the room, and we talked while Nihit played with his cousin. He was giving her a horsey back ride. It is a lot of activity, and then Nihit came back and practiced giving his aunt a hug. She squirms and hits him. *Sigh.* It is going to take some time. - What else are we thinking of? (Morning Pages) - It is quieter now. The kids are on their way to bed, so that his aunt can get some work done she says. I think with all that noise, I would be looking for spa treatment. It would include an entire bottle of wine.
22. - One word/phrase that could describe the kind of person we want to be today? - One phrase to rule them all → I would view the entire world if I were an ant on Nihit's bedroom wall! ### Day-to-Day Balancing - Goals - Do we have any riveting goals today? Should we have? - Riveting goals would be → - Do our writing - October Challenge worth - Wash at least one load of clothes (unless he has brought his fishing clothes in) - Watch ONE video of the making notes stuff - Limit afternoon news on Trump to time spent after 2:30PM - Are all today's food choices in My Fitness Pal (MFP)? How can we get through any slumps? - No, nothing is there ... let us start it now ... good ... even included our five saltine crackers - blah - waste of seventy calories - What exercising could I commit to today? How much? - We need to put slippers on, but if we brought twelve minutes up to twenty it would be good. We are doing minutes by rocking the pedal on the right back and forth in one of our nervous movements. I say it should count! - What could we do today, so that someone else can say, "Boldly Go! Howard Wolowitz" - Win the day task → What a way to put together a writing task (our own PDF) that is new ... go ahead and pat your back. - ### Balance - How is our perspective of time going? Are we on track? - Still on track? → We spent a good amount of time with Nihit this morning, which slowed our writing, but gave us a better sense of shared meaning. I am not sure why we had more of a dark conversation on sexuality, including adding alcohol, but thinking it had something to do with the wedding coming up. We might want to bring up with Nihit AND Dr. Marvin drinking at weddings ... as mother of the bride, or just someone who gets through it, OR SOMEONE NOT EMBARRASSING herself. We better talk about this directly. We are more on track than conceived before. - What has been going well? - Today, we have added balance by →
23. - Discussing understanding of LGBTQIA+ Or, **lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual**. We were trying to figure out our understanding of two of our grandchildren compared to our brother being a condescending person. - Sexuality - Alcoholism - Understanding that all these have relevance, especially adding the concept of our brother (now understood to be) coming to the wedding and meeting our family. It is going to be ok; it is going to be ok - Separating ourselves from our confusion from our brother's being critical. This does not need to be a thing ... just calm it down. - What could have been better? - Perhaps, as hard as it may be ... we should discuss it to Dr. Marvin. Ahh ... this could have been better. Maury called on FB, we were in a video call. We look terrible. BUT we had a chance to talk about some of this ... it started in a conversation about seating and such. I am hoping that Erin can have time to FB my brother and Deb. I did get a verbal, but then it means it is on us to make the contact, and it does not sound as personal as coming from the bride. BUT the bride is getting married within a week. She has plenty to do. Ok, suck it up, buttercup! Wow! Twice today you use this statement? Where is it coming from. The wedding is a few days away from us too. It would be better if we took the dresses out of the bag and checked to see if and if so, how wrinkled they are. Scared of all that. Not ready to try wearing the dress, as discussed with Dr. Marvin. It would be a practice. That could be a goal today, but for now ... we are not managing it. Later. Tomorrow after the shower. We have it marked and that is as far as we are going with it for now. Interesting, how about we take it out today as a goal and tomorrow we can wear it with Dr. Marvin's visit? Thursday for Dr. Marvin's meeting. Rich said he would help us with steaming them Tuesday night with our older steam machine. - Check Course - What has been going well? - Without really realizing it ... I am about the level of worry as we should for a mother of the groom. We are happy seated with our third son, his family, and our grandchildren. That will be four of seven! Have not thought of it like that. Just how separate we are from our families. I mean, we are not, but really are. I know that Joe gets along well with his nephews/nieces. They used to hang out ... so it should be good there, plus Maury said, that Scott and Deb spent time together with he, Erin, and Azure about a month ago - AND all of that went well. So, we are doing better than thought. They though Scott was genuinely nice. I forget he has church manners of a minister ... acceptance is his “role.” Maury talked about dress code a bit for the kids, as not to shock too much. He was using the term professional. We talked about prefixes. I know that Andy is he, him. And we are at best, considering everyone else they. Most important thing is that it is not responsible to bring up any of it unless they bring it up first. This is not a time to feel confused, Grandma!
24. - What could have been better? It would be better if we did not have to think through these conversations. I feel mostly stupid for being of this variety of person. But then we must let that go too. We are just us. Stop excusing yourself for that! Shoot, how must they discuss their Grandmother? We are a "we/us." ### Connect-Consume-Cerebrate - Connect → Had a nice talk - With whom? About What? We have had two great conversations this morning. One was with Nihit, and the second was with Maury. We have already spelled out most of the conversations. They were each like each other, though the conversation with Nihit was more due to talking to his family. At this point, we can hardly believe that we fall to talking about the conversations that are hot on our mind, EVEN without realizing it. It is a matter of one of us slipping in, and another out, and between we DO run all the bases. - What did we learn, and what did we contribute toward to the conversation? - I do not think that we contribute to most of the conversation, except to let others know how ignorant we are. I wish we were able to feel ourselves as more dignified. Nihit and us have talked over the last couple of days. I gave the perspective of having an open fluid mouth. Everything that swirls in our brain, is likely to come out. We are very transparent, and that is NOT always a good thing. It does work between Nihit and us because we both do it, and we are both on the same wave length. I know we contribute to his life, like he does to mine, so we are grateful for having found this match. - Consume → Run Protocol - What did we read/listen/watch this time? - Most of the reading has just been over our own thoughts while writing this stretch of words. As I write this ... we have just hit three thousand words. Some of them have been the inclusion of our prompts, but it is true we like to write. - Our other consumption is just a lot of conversational spaces. - Cerebrate → My Brain is the best - What is our brain is excited. What triggered these thoughts? Feelings? Behaviors? - We are “more” thrilled about the wedding. I feel like Carlson McCullers, "The Member of the Wedding." - This is the description of the book. We read it in high school/college. Fortunately, we are not thinking of joining Maury and Erin on their honeymoon. - “The novel that became an award-winning play and a major motion picture and that has charmed generations of readers, Carson McCullers’s classic The Member of the Wedding is now available in small- format trade paperback for the first time. Here is the story of the inimitable twelve-year-old Frankie, who is utterly, hopelessly bored with life until she hears about her older brother’s wedding. Bolstered by lively conversations with her house servant, Berenice, and her six-year-old male cousin — not to mention her own unbridled imagination — Frankie takes on an overly active role in the wedding, hoping even to go,
25. uninvited, on the honeymoon, so deep is her desire to be the member of something larger, more accepting than herself. “A marvelous study of the agony of adolescence” (Detroit Free Press), The Member of the Wedding showcases Carson McCullers at her most sensitive, astute, and lasting best.” Amazon (1946). - Can we put out an elevator Pitch? For ourselves? For others? - Oh Lord, she thinks of something (ourselves), reads a little, and then already it is in an invisible kindle bag going home with us! ### Seriously, as a writer... - What kinds of ideas have come to mind today? Relevancy to a better life? - Toward a better life → Now we are thinking of Frankie, the young girl in the book. For now, we feel we are an odd member of the family. We are going to be a mother of the groom, and we do not know how that is supposed to feel, or how we are supposed to act. I do not feel normal, so everything we do feels like an act written for others. A better life would be that the wedding was over, and we were just THINKING about how nice it was. - What are writing cues which include writing/reading about Multiplicity, trauma, and being a better human being? - We are affecting Multiplicity by → I would include the cues for being a Multiple, and feeling strange around people, especially in large crowds. I do not know who we are going to be, if not who are all the multitude of people who are going to want to peek out, to see. Sometimes we stay fastened to a chair just gawking at everyone and smiling pretending to be having a wonderful time, though with every fiber of our body, we wish we could be home in bed/couch. I want the best for our son. I wish I were more the mother, people respected in a higher fashion. For us, we have always just tried to act normal. We are not. ### Note Making - Ideas Log - Are there any burning ideas to scramble down quickly? - We just left Nihit, and he said, that his aunt said, that the family might be coming to America this weekend. This means Nihit will be home alone the same weekend we go to my son's wedding. He is looking forward to spending alone time at the apartment, but we do not know all the thoughts that would occur to him. It is a little funny that these are stark differences that will happen. He will be very alone; I will be too much with people. Today is only Monday. We will figure this out, right? - Are there unanswered questions from the day? - Do you think that the therapists will charge more this week due to new stresses both Nihit and us will be feeling? - Is there a problem →
26. - I am thinking that the problem is adjusting to new circumstances. Nihit will have to deal with his depression. We will have to deal with our PTSD, depression and DID. People who are psychologically different from the public go through certain stressors, are leerier, or dreadful of change. - What should the solution be → - The main thing is that ... it is going to be ok. We need to get to that until we find a more secure foundation. We will both be away from each other, except Nihit thought well in his suggestion that we keep our phone around. He reintroduced WhatsApp. - What is the benefit → - It would not do either Nihit or us any good to get excited. We are hoping that he went to bed. I know that Nihit has intent ... as do we, but it is ridiculously hard to complete and both of us have reasons to be concerned. Our psychological well-being depends on it. I should: - pick-up the kitchen - wash a load of clothes - take the dresses out of the bag - Then, at last, What is the next action-step? - Finish this writing without laying down, so we can move on to our position we are now looking forward to. We just want to lay down on the couch and watch news or nap. Ahh, it is 3PM. We need to take our medicine, then do the wash, dresses out, and then kitchen. #2022-10-04 ## 2022-10-04 - Evidence 10E – Nihit & Us Will Both Be Stressing
27. - ### Tuesday morning 10-4-22 - Idea Expansion - How is this new idea (note) relevant to the question(s) I am considering? - I believe the new note is that Nihit and us will both be stressing this weekend, and at that it will be separate stressing. We will be at the wedding, and he will be in his family's home alone. The schedules will be off, but hopefully there will be time to talk between things. We are quite sure that our therapists will not charge more, but Nihit's therapist was harsh on him when he called to confirm a meeting time, which then did not happen today. He is trying to tell us about how psychology is less available in India. - As to how this might affect multiplicity, trauma? I believe that Nihit and us are both fragile taken out of our natural circumstance, especially being at home in front of our computers. I know that Dr. Marvin will help us, as we will help back and forth between Nihit and us. We are hoping the best for Nihit's therapist. We have a few days to straighten our thoughts out, and then it will be just overseeing one thing after another, even if we are dizzy, or otherwise out of sorts. - Nihit's not a Multiple, so we know it is not just that. I know we both tend to worry. I have liked having a friend ... Nihit is now taking on the call of having rallies together, as Dr. Marvin conceived. I believe him. - Is this idea (note) like or different from the others to which I am comparing it to? - The worrying part is like other times like this when big events come up. - It is different in that now we have a friend we usually work it together with. - I think it is going to be more difficult in that Rich, and my family will be around, and they are not in positions where we trust them to understand anything about us, for example having a new family from India. - Maury has already spread the vibe that he believes this new family, and Nihit in specific, is a long-range con. They are being idiotic. Just talk to me, or him. Get to know the situation without judging. - It does seem like the way people could have been thinking of Sarah and me. At the time she was alive in an outside way, we were extremely close. People did not understand how we could give into each other's play. - I just knew it made me feel good. For a short while, playing at the school after a scouting meeting ... My mother stood with Sarah's mother, both overtly curious as to how we could both be laughing and giggling as we pretended to ride our invisible motorcycles. I am sure, they did not know what we were doing, but the marked happiness was different. We NEVER played in front of our mother. - And, then we got home, and we were just as depressed as normal. - Feels sometimes like when Rich gets home. Last night was good until he found something to get mad about. When he found something, he thought was my fault about something in "his world," we got up and spent most the rest of the night on the other couch. He wanted us to come back, but it took a while. - We did eventually end up back on our together couch, with me rubbing his arm.
28. - We kept mental distance. Not only that, but we felt weary. - Do my present thoughts (notes) agree or disagree with one another? - I think because of being in diverse cultures, ages, and genders most people who get to know Nihit and us, think disagreeably over the relationship. But those closer, like Nihit and us, and SOMETIMES family, Rich and Dr. Marvin can at least appreciate that in some ways we are good for one another. As to our present thoughts, we do find ourselves trying to be especially careful so that we do not hurt Nihit, becoming his better self. Mostly though, we just enjoy each other's company, so to keep it that way, we are careful that both ourselves and the other are being well-balanced, at least to our best understanding. - Are there other connections that I may like to make between my ideas (notes)? - I think there should be something said of the remarkableness of Nihit and us. Sometimes I believe that "mental illness," can be like a door to a new unknown. Because if no one is telling either of us that we are sick, then we do not feel it. We have only got parts of ourselves to figure out next, especially in and around our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors of knowing ourselves and others. We hold personal gifts ... for example, it is sometimes curious, I believe in Nihit, that someone be so honest with himself and others. - One other part that we are both going to need dealing with directly is unemployment.[^1] In this regard, I stopped working for money a dozen years ago. Nihit has not gotten started. Work ages and leaving the parent's family is different in Asian countries, and we counted five times Nihit mentioned his father in conversation with Nihit bringing up work, after his parents had left last week. I think we both must deal with it. - Thinking of each other though in our happier 10-year-old states, where more than household chores, is a blessing. Rich is expecting more of us in getting ready for the wedding of our 42-year-old son, and he is expecting more of household. Nihit's family is expectant in other ways. Lately hygiene has come up and is going to cause headaches, and in the same manner, because of problems with our feet, Rich has started his lectures on daily showers. I can imagine both Nihit and us will come out better in the end, but for the present it is feeling threatening. I cannot imagine the frustration of it for the younger Sarah and Corey. We all hated taking baths in a dirty bathtub/lack of clean towels. We are going to need talking to Dr. Marvin about this. - The 7C's of Note Making - Create - A Note ... of some intrinsic value to connect - It reminds me of ..., It is related to ..., Or It is a part of ... - Of today's notes, there is a lot of intrinsic value. Most particularly the situation we find ourselves, in relation to Nihit, is within the relationship of myself (Corey) and Sarah. Our favorite play times were together. We each had little red invisible motorcycles, that we could pick up, fold, and store in our pocket. Just now we are hearing in the background Nihit and his two young cousins, Aanya and Vitti. When we last were directly of view of each other, the family had just come back from their evening walk. Nihit was the horse that Aanya rode. AND they sometimes chased Vitti. Sometimes, I think, Aanya's horse jumped, and she touched tree branches. It sounds as if they had had a lot of fun.
29. - Clarify - What is it, really? How can it be clearer? Powerfully? It is important because ... - Todays thoughts included gender confusion, alcohol, and then lead to the wedding experience of this coming weekend. It recalled a book once read, called, "The Member of the Wedding showcases Carson McCullers (1946)." The book collected some of our thoughts of being in a role, and all the worrying that the 12-year-old character went through before the marriage of her brother, who told his family of the wedding by the next weekend. Frankie, the main character wanted to run away and be over her life at home, where others of similar age were intimidating her. She wanted to go on the honeymoon. - Nihit figures prominently in today’s thoughts as to having all these discussions with us, and then finally accepting a role of young people playing horsey, which occurred about the same time we were imagining Sarah and Us (Corey) playing with our invisible red motorcycles we could tuck away in our pockets. We only knew Sarah from the age of 8 to 10. She died when we were both ten. She had been riding her bike on a street too busy on her way to our house to play. Then once hospitalized, she got out of bed and tripped dislodging a blood clot into her brain, even though there was a nurse stationed in the room. It all happened very quickly. We wanted to be dead. - These thoughts are feeling a bit garbled now. They weighed down by the wedding. My own thoughts of wanting to leave after Sarah had died. We wanted God to have taken us instead of her. We were bargaining. By the time we were eleven, we tried to seriously commit suicide our first time. These are terrible thoughts to be having before our son's wedding. The later part involves being around a lot of people for the wedding and Sarah's funeral, when we said something wrong in the car ride back to school with teachers. It had to do with us saying, that for Sarah, we were going to choose staying happy for her sake. The teacher, who was not our teacher, but sang at the funeral was furious and lashed out. I do not know if we ever felt our thoughts confidently in a public situation. We promised ourselves, we would never be happy again. I was so angry. I mean there must have been some advances in confidence. Everything went from mostly confusing in our life to always confusing. It was more desperate when we left our bedroom. This weekend we will be away from Ginney. She will have the vet's kennel, and we will be in a hotel four hours from home. - Although we were confused at this age, we cannot have imagined how confusing it would have been. Our Grandfather sexually abused as an infant. Our head accepted these traumas, and others which came in-between and after. Nihit thoughts are typically happy but us leaving the house for three-days seems very scary. We believe that in those three-days his aunt, uncle, and cousin will be traveling to America. It is the same as our wedding weekend. I am sure there will be meet-up calls, but I am not sure our family or Rich is going to be appreciative that they are not really our support. This was like my mother stepping in to be a support after Sarah died, because there was church friends’ downstairs who were egging her to go console us. We yelled like crazy. As if to say, "Get the fuck out." The reality was she could not understand support, even if it bit her. - Color - If it could utter a single line, it would say ... It is like ... I have experienced this when ... - I know we have been trippy' this week, but when did it go dark? - Critique - It is good/bad because ... It is similar/different to BLANK because ... A related fact is ... A quote is ...
30. - Quickly now ... it is good because sometimes remembering frees us from the past. This story continues. We must connect with Dr. Marvin, but for now the bad is that these thoughts are very sucky. - Cite - Where did these thoughts come from? External references are ... - These thoughts came from present day thinking mixed with memories from way back [^1]: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah A related fact is that we could live without special occasions AND leaving our bedroom/house.